NTs are too picky when it comes to dating.

Post Reply New Topic

I find women in general are just very picky to the point they don't find somone. atleast online dating in my area. they all of a list of material requirements not interests in common.

Good job
Nice car
own house
attractive
athletic
then they say they want a good respectful guy but its low on their list

I have a crappy temp job that pays 150 every 3 months
i have a car that drives.
but i don't have a high paying job or my own house. attractive is debatable but i'd say i'm not but not super urgly either, athletic nope

the last part I have tons of , i'm respectful, romantic, sweet, kind, caring, i go out of my way to help people.

so i get rejected alot (i guess my fault for trying) before they even find out about the last stuff. its just like looking for work, look at pic and job nope move on

All i want in a woman is a kind caring, respectiful loving woman, who yes shares some of my interest(hasn't been a problem) I don't care if they work or where they work or about owning car(would be nice) or where they live. as for looks I'm cursed with finding 90% of women pretty if not gorgeous I'm really surprised how many pretty women there are that put themselves down.

the thing that pisses me off cause that stuff above just depresses me but whatever, but it pisses me off to see alot of these same women complaining that there are no nice or kind guys or where are all the good respectiful guys, or why are all guys A*******s

i mean they ignore them and limit them out which is find but depressing but i don't think they have a right to then complain, they doing it to themselves. like if i buy cheap food i don't complain if it taste less good cause i decided to get cheap food. on the other hand i know guys who get girls then hurt them over and over or girls who get hurt by guys over and over, really upsetting and sad cause not how women should be treated, but not much i can do other then comfort them each time(women not the guys)

maybe its different meeting in person where they can't demand the list before seeing you and getting to know your personality and interest, but as i am super shy and only meet people thru other people idk. maybe in 2-30 years i'll be able to just walk up to a woman and try to flirt but by then it'll be far to late. for this i wish i'd been born in the 1920s for various reasons.

sorry for long reply but i guess you could say i have built up topics that i haven't been able to talk about, i don't talk to my guy friends about dating and especially not about being aspies

Really? I found that most women, even the pickiest ones, eventually end up with someone they picked. If they complain about their boyfriends/husbands it only means that they weren't picky enough. Does that make any sense?

Of course there are single aspie women who are very awesome and not picky at all. It always makes me wonder why aren't they in a relationship.


Thanks for your post. The topic is very sensitive to many of us so you can expect some strong opposition. I hope that this won't discourage you from posting here.

It's having standards when either does it. I've only dated NT's and don't find them to be extra picky. They are just like anyone else. Just because we have AS does not mean we don't have to learn to function somewhat normally in a social setting before we expect everyone else to just look over things about us that they don't like. Not everyone with AS will have the same social deficits. Some are more obvious than others and some are less easier to tolerate than others.

What behaviors exactly is it that you find that NT's reject that you think is too picky or that should just be looked over because we have AS?

I'm an aspie and I'm pickier than most NT's.

Go figure.

I don't wonder why a lot of the people here are single with some of their views.

What Hale_Bopp said.

I found that those who Asperger's are actually more picky. When I met my boyfriend, he had a list of what his perfect girl should be like. I only met about half of those listed requirements. Apparently, it was a deal breaker that I didn't like the Simpsons or that I occasionally wore glasses. In fact, his reasons for rejecting never anything to do with my character or personality, but everything to do with my interests. If you ask me, that's complete shallow and superficial.

He's different than he was then, which is good for the both of us.

I am picky but only in the sense that I like there to be compatibility.

As I am not worried about having a live in partner (I am quite happy living alone...living alone is not what makes me feel lonely) I do so want a lover whose company I enjoy. I would like to spend time doing things together...things we both have an interest in such as visiting museums, going to the theater, beach combining for fossils. star gazing, hiking and having lots of sex in some rather kinky or vanilla ways.

I do like sex but not with random strangers. I like it with someone I have an emotional connection with and whom I know well.

I don't need a traditional relationship and I don't care much for the drama most of them seem to result in (pointless arguments over silly stuff) but I do love being in love and would love to find love again.

Yes I believe in love whether I am NT, Aspie, or otherwise.

I am tired of drama lately though and don't want anymore of it...it is too upsetting so one day would like to find someone affectionate but rational (if such a combination exists).

Previous drama has been caused by:

1 Bullying online (more recent) and sometimes in real life (in the past)
2 Attracting the wrong types of male (drug addicts when I don't condone the use of drugs or allow their use in my house, men who think the way to resolve a problem is too swing their fist in my face when all they really need to do is talk to me and so on)
3 The family I am no longer in contact with

I am tired of drama and want someone balanced whether they are NT or aspie or not.

Cuddles are paramount to feeling cared about if you are able to give them. When I cuddle someone it is my way of saying 'I like/love you' (whichever applies). They are not a good cure for a problem though...that requires a practical solution based on the persons personal circumstances ideally.

But matching interests are important othewise what do you do together that you both enjoy (other than just sex)?

I need to enjoy the company of the person I am with...ergo they must like some of the same things as me and/or have a similar outlook in life basically.

I cannot feel sexual towards someone whose company I just do not enjoy. I just want them to go away if that is the case. If I enjoy their company because we share the same interests I want to have sex with them all the time (I have a high sex drive, sex is very important to me but not with someone with whom I have nothing in common).

The glasses thing is a bit fussy.

I like glasses, they can be very sexy.

I agree with you to some level. Of course interests are what begins a relationship. But once a relationship is established, and mutual feelings begin to form, mutual interests become secondary. At least that's the way that I see it. What I'm saying, though, is that I don't think that having low or high standards are exclusive to those with Asperger's or just Neurotypical people. It all differs from person to person, regardless of brain wiring.

Sounds like someone who posts on here.

He seems rather pathetic. You dodged a bullet.

I suspect that people who are listing long lists and being way pickier than what's normal, are just doing so to self-justify their chronic relationship/dating failures. ie. "I can't find someone because no one is good enough".

People should be picky you just got to avoid people who have stupid pick needs like caring what tv show you watch. I think it is more of a personality thing per person then AS or NT. Some people just have unreasonable expectations.

Aspies may be pickier than NTs, but there's another reason why aspies make better dates: They don't expect as much from love. Love is simpler and purer with them.

NTs are pickier in the sense of being discriminatory; they have to be with other "popular" people and don't take the time to try everyone out before making a choice.

That's the difference I didn't clarify before.

Wow, generalise much?

Explain then the NTs who are happily dating/married to Aspies.

Besides, there are over 7 billion people in the world, no one has the time to try everyone out, and no one should have to. By your logic, I should have "given a chance" to my mate who asked me out, and when I said no immediately started canvassing my friends. NEVER giving him a chance!

What a dumb post.

I expect as much love as I give from a partner, which is LOTS.