What are your non-negotiables? (apart from must love cats)

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Does anyone else find it really funny that the very title says apart from "must love cats" and yet so many posts mention "must love cats"? That girl in the "can't hug every cat" video may be a little unstable, but I bet she got plenty of date offers after her video went viral.

It always amuses me to read the kind of stuff people list as "non-negotiable". To me that doesn't mean "things I'd like", but "things I could never accept even if everything else about the person was perfect". Maybe I'm taking it too literally? I remember someone writing "must love [TV show]" in a previous thread! Really? I mean, really? You'd reject a person who may be wonderful in every other way, but doesn't love that TV show? "Must like cats" sounds similar at first, but I guess it's understandable if you live with cats and are absolutely unwilling to live without them. I still wouldn't list that, because I allow for the possibility that I may love a person more than I love cats - though the chances are slim .

Anyway, my non-negotiables would be:

1) Must not smoke. (I used to think even this might be negotiable, but no, realistically, I just couldn't be around a smoker constantly, let alone be intimate with one.)
2) Must not be a crazy b***h. Actually, must not be crazy nor a b***h.
3) Must not attempt to manipulate or guilt-trip me. (Most negative personality traits might get some leeway and benefit of the doubt, but I really have a hair-trigger for this.)
4) Must not be a habitual liar. (I could forgive the occasional lie, but not a personality that treats lying as generally acceptable.)

Notice none of the women have put:

Yet you can guarentee that most of the above are all unspoken requirements from near enough all women.

Should I even bother replying to this....

Look I'm sorry, but I'm irritated by this sort of attitude because you are not listening to what has actually been said here. You are just parroting an idea you've read in a book or on a website rather than listening to what people actually have to say.

You shouldn't believe something just because someone important tells you that it is true - vaguely quoting Richard Dawkins.

Not sure how to respond to cynic. Are you joking or not?

I see one person days they think the list is hit and miss. Do understand that I much prefer phone conversations over text conversations. Too easy for women to fake interest through text. I found the list to be somewhat reasonable. She is promoting self respect for women. She did mention that everyone has their baggage though and it is expected a person deal with it on their own.

My deal breakers

lack of integrity
Lack of honesty
Lack of respect
Mixed signals/not knowing what or who they want.
Won't work/aquire college education for possible career
Treats me like a child.
Can't approve of who I am.
Tries to change me into something I'm not

And have observed over decades.


I'm afraid 99% of people do.

Nope!

As much as I love cats, I don't even require that my S.O. also do, as long as he tolerates them.

He must not lie.

He must not be adulterous.

He must be kind.

He must be very intelligent.

He must be genetically male.

He must be somewhat near my age (+/- ~10 years).

He must be non-religious.

He must have a sense of humor that meshes with mine.

He must be okay with me needing "alone time."

Everything else is absolutely negotiable.

'Fraid not.

A likely story...

Then your thinking isn't very realistic.

Very VERY few men meet all of those criteria. Therefore it's impossible for them to be the typical woman's non-negotiable list. This can be proven decades of observation of people in relationships procreating all over the world. If the typical woman truly required these criteria be met, then the typical woman would be single forever and we'd see the human population shrinking vs. growing as it is. Checkmate. Try again.

Booze and unprotected sex, checkmate again.

I said "checkmate," not "check."

while alcohol can certainly lower peoples' inhibitions and has certainly resulted in a lot of unprotected sex & pregnancies, it's not the reason typical women to have such a perfectionist list of non-negotiables as Cynic proposed. It's because typical women don't have those things as non-negotiables. If they did, even alcohol couldn't explain the amount of relationships and procreation out there.

What I'm looking for is probably an impossible find:

Must have humility
Must be calm and rational

^^Those three attributes are seemingly rare in people. I might overlook those traits though.

And the usual - nice, kind, and is generally content with herself.

Last edited by Acedia on 31 Dec 2013, 3:32 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Of course. Because the many, many very average men who are MARRIED who I see all the time don't exist.

Hello! *waves* your friendly logic bot here.

Lets see.

If the above list of requirements were true, that would mean that your mother also had the same requirements, which would mean that your father fitted that list to a T which means you inherited his genes and also fit that list to a T which means you can't move for women throwing themselves at you and are in fact too busy, too successful and too NT to be posting on this board.

Happy New Year!

This is a much better response that mine. It's what I meant, but it didn't come out right.

must be...
male
quiet
clean
calm
non-violent
non-smoker
highly sexual

must like...
cats
pizza
keeping fit and healthy

and no drugs! (besides prescription of course)