Eureka13 wrote:
Brian, I also put a lot of weight on a first date.....but for an entirely different reason. For me, it is simply about checking compatibility. It absolutely doesn't matter what the first date consists of. I have had first dates that consisted of sitting on a bench downtown for an hour. I have had first dates that were a cup of coffee. I've had first dates that were dinner. I've had first dates that were a trip to the beach. Let me repeat: IT ABSOLUTELY DOESN'T MATTER what activity you plan.
Guess which one of the above first dates resulted in a long-term, serious relationship? Sitting on a bench downtown for an hour.
In other words, YOU may have already decided that this girl is THE ONE. I can guarantee that SHE has not yet made that decision. The only thing she will be looking for on the first date is to find out how the two of you INTERACT together. If she likes the interaction, there will be a second date.
I'm not saying the symphony + dinner is a bad idea. I'm just saying that the ONLY way you need to impress her is with who you are, not with what you can do for her. That is a horrible basis for a relationship.
Be yourself. Also remember there is another person involved in this date (her) who has her own set of hopes and wishes for how this may turn out. You might temporarily distract her from her own hopes and wishes if you "wow" her with a splendiferous date, but unless you can come up with "the perfect date" indefinitely (each time topping the last "perfect date"), SHE will ultimately decide whether or not she likes you for you. That is why we all recommend doing something casual, so that the focus is on LEARNING about each other, not IMPRESSING each other.
My link goes to a more detailed explanation, but my date wound up being dinner and a concert she suggested, since the symphony was booked. The concert was great, and I think the date went well and she enjoyed herself. I tried really hard to be relaxed and just myself....not saying too much about myself, and asking her a lot of questions, which I think she appreciated.
10 Jan 2014, 1:43 pm
