Ever worry you'll marry someone you DON'T love?

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yes bc I am freakishly short and have AS, as well as my ethnic makeup, and that deadly combo will scare away the good ones. I'm scared I'll wind up "settling" for someone.

The real terror is marrying someone who you love, but who turns out to be gruesome later. More and more, I'm convinced marriage is too much of a crap shoot. People change, so the person you marry will fade away. And, you will fade away from them. There are too many external forces acting on a marriage for a couple to really manage their relationship.

The fear of marrying a sociopath or someone who has narcisistic personality disorder.

I think your approach to marriage is really not with the times.. you don't have to get married to be successful. You don't have to depend on a husband, either. No one forces you to get married unless it's the religious culture you're apart of. It should be because you love them, and they love you, and you both have that desire. Nothing more and nothing less. Having a steady relationship should be the priority, marriage shouldn't even be brought up for a while after. The idea of marriage being a requirement for the young folk is really, really old. More power to the people who do it though, I live in Utah and everyone I know is married, if that works for them, great! But it really shouldn't be the only priority, there are many, many more important things.



Well, first I was judging you when you said mentally challenged, but I get it now, holy s**t. Poor guy should've taken a hint, wow. 1 month of non-stop annoying and extremely desperate messages, couldn't he take a hint? if you wanted to respond, you would have. That honest to god looks like something you'd find on a meme. -_-


There is absolutely no shame whatsoever in knowing what you like and going for it. That makes you ten times more attractive as a person, really. You aren't entitled to date someone you like and men who like you aren't entitled to date you, just knowing that makes you far more mature than most people, there's no reason to feel backlash, and you're not shallow for it.

I'm not sure if I explained myself too good here, but I'll give you a sample of the kind of guys that like me. This is a conversation I had with a guy I met on OK Cupid, keep in mind I didn't have any bikini photos up when I talked to him: (sorry if it's hard to read).

I just made up Jon, to get him to leave me alone.

Yeah, it was the first guy who ever begged for me to date him, most guys dread in real life when they find out I like them. I just wonder if he's related to this guy: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5385175? ... mg00000021

With those kinds of messages I wouldn't be shocked in the least bit.. I've never seen a guy beg for a woman like that, especially one he's never met. Don't let it discourage you, there are decent men you can meet online.

I did marry someone I didn't love (who loved me). It was a long time ago. We were both 22. We were together for 6 years (which I regret) and had a son (which I don't regret). I had so little emotional investment in the marriage that it was really just like living with a flatmate most of the time - with me doing the chores.

I married him as a deliberate choice, because I was on the rebound from a very unhappy relationship that hurt me a lot.. after that I wanted to marry someone who - if he ever left me - I wouldn't be hurt.

I left him after I fell in love with someone else, and could dare to be vulnerable again. I regret that this hurt the husband I left very much.

Maturity is something that comes with age and experience, thank goodness. You know better and you do better.

Amazing story.

Last edited by infilove on 25 May 2014, 9:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I learned a great tip is BE the person you want to attract.

thats hard for me to read, so i mostly just see a bunch of messages from him. I only wonder did you ever tell him you're not interested?

I will tend to message for a little bit if they don't reply cause i find it rude and some in the past just got busy and forgot to reply. If i'm told no i'll ask why then stop messaging them. I wish to know why i'm being rejected and if its something i can fix or a reason to just stop existing. I never message more then a week or so depends though i was having a great conversation with this one lady but we would only reply every week or two weeks.

wish more people would just be like " i"m not interested and heres why"

some have been "you seem nice but i'm just not attracted to you."

that said this guy clearly had no respect for you. i mean if a lady is happy with someone else leave them alone.

I fear I'm going to have to "settle" when marrying. That means it could be with some random nice girl. Basically marriage over being alone. I don't think I'll find my matches (or they find me) without extreme difficulty.

That's the absolute worst idea I've ever heard.

It's a last resort kind of thing. I'd rather not be alone when I need someone (I probably will, knowing my family history of dementia and other mental disorders). If I can't help myself and have no motivation to, who will do it other than family?

My grandfather went through a similar situation with his wife. She had to take care of him when he started going downhill mentally. She left him near the end, but helped him a lot before that point. My family ended up taking care of him because she took him to us.

Again, worst case scenario. I hope it doesn't come to that.

Last edited by BartonJohanson on 26 May 2014, 3:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Earlier in the conversation I told him this: 'My parents don't like me internet dating, sorry. I like to meet you too.'

to me that brings up paradox, if they don't like you interenet dating why are you on a internet dating site, then the i'd like to meet you." would be better to just say not interested. at least for me. makes it clear to move on to another girl.

I really don't get the people on dating sites not to date, go to facebook. or meetup.com if you want to just look at people or meet friends. not directed at you , but other people I've seen.

i probably would have replied asking why you on here then?

best wishes finding what you want

Sorry for skipping the rest of this thread, and this may have already been suggested:

There is a good possibility that your subconscious doesn't want to date. Liking men who don't like you back is a classic and safe way of staying out of relationships and not having to deal with all the issues dating can bring up, while still channeling the feelings that hormones can't help but kick out. I think a large part of you may simply not feel you are either ready to date, or in the right life-space for dating, right now.

I played that game on myself for years