How to get a girlfriend?

Page 3 of 3 [ 41 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3

Rodney00
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 21 Apr 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 54

02 Jun 2014, 10:45 pm

basically you gotta be friends with her but not either get put in the "friend zone" or put her there. You get put in the FZ when you do something which implies she knows or does more than you about social skills, like whine about stuff, ask for girl advice, etc. And you put her there when you do that stuff too.

Azereiah
Sea Gull

Joined: 17 Jun 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 237

03 Jun 2014, 9:01 am

Rodney00 wrote:

You get put in the "Friend Zone" when there's no attraction, and you should immediately give up and move on to someone else. You get stuck there, you're not getting out unless you leave yourself.

It exists, sure, and it exists on both sides, but it isn't love. It's limerence. It's the kind of thing that gets people hurt badly if they don't address it.

Hang out with her a bit, chat with her, then ask her to go get some coffee or see a movie or something. Don't mention any friends coming along, don't say it's okay, don't deny them. It's a non-topic. Go do the thing, be friendly and polite (and NOT in a "M'lady. *tips fedora*" way), pay for the thing yourself, then make a judgment call on whether asking for a hug would be okay or not.

It'll either keep going or it'll stop quickly.

If it stops and falls apart, go draw, play video games, whatever. Then get up and try to meet someone else.

Uriel
Butterfly

Joined: 30 May 2014
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 10

03 Jun 2014, 11:14 am

aspiemike wrote:

I was able to pick up some social hints after a while and started to notice that people were attracted or interested based on the look in their eyes. So yes, you might want to make some eye contact with the opposite sex. I also noticed a smile as well and a bit of a blush from them (a kind of shy looking blush). I then ended up noticing certain cues after a while (she flicks her hair, rubbing her finger along the side of her neck, or verbal cues that indicate she wants you to be around when she gets back from the bathroom). This was a more polite way of expressing interest for sure and this is far more common I find in my experience. Some women were far more direct and physical and very touchy-feely though and would just come out with their interest before you even said anything about being interested in them. I also noticed some playful ones and they often had trouble convincing people that their interest in other people was genuine.

But when it came to looking for the right girl, I had to really analyze previous dating experience in order to determine what my dealbreakers would be later on. I can tell you that one of the more important deal breakers included women just getting out of relationships. My experience with this type of girl made it impossible to still be friends after as the problems lied with their expectations and with my inability to control my meltdowns at the time.

Yeah, I thik there is a girl here on whose face I see that expression, it is very likely she likes me, I am just unable to notice it. :-)

starvingartist
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,032

03 Jun 2014, 12:19 pm

Azereiah wrote:

Rodney00 wrote:

um, or you could just learn to value having friendships with women??

do you guys get that the more you interact with women in general the easier it will be to be around women with less discomfort and anxiety, and therefore dating might be less difficult? what's wrong with cultivating friendships with women? i don't understand guys who talk about a thing called a "friend zone" like this is a horrible place that no one would ever be.

if you want to date/have sex with girls, but are not at all interested in having friendships with them....well, can you see how this is problematic?

Azereiah
Sea Gull

Joined: 17 Jun 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 237

03 Jun 2014, 1:12 pm

starvingartist wrote:

Oh hey, someone taking an argument the wrong way on WrongPlanet. Imagine that. You seem to be attempting to frame my advice for getting out of situations that are unhealthy for one party as a form of sexism.

If you want a relationship and they don't... You leave before you hurt yourself. If you don't want a relationship and they don't either, feel free to be friends. Maybe something will grow out of it. Maybe not. Doesn't matter, because it's not a problem until it becomes one.

Sex doesn't enter the equation *at all*.

starvingartist
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,032

03 Jun 2014, 1:37 pm

Azereiah wrote:

starvingartist wrote:

the way that the term "friend zone" is tossed around when guys talk about girls, it's hard not to be suspicious sometimes. it's not nice to hear of friendship with someone like yourself (i.e. a female) being described like some kind of punishment by so many guys. sorry if i took what you were saying the wrong way, but it's just an icky phrase.

Azereiah
Sea Gull

Joined: 17 Jun 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 237

03 Jun 2014, 1:53 pm

starvingartist wrote:

Aah, yes, sorry about not clarifying.

I was responding directly to a person who had used the phrase, and as disgusting as the origin is, it's now part of common usage (albeit in the misogynistic community, but the understanding is the same).

Toy_Soldier
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,370

03 Jun 2014, 2:09 pm

I think just plain friendship between guy & girl is possible, and happens a lot. But they more easily occur in non-dating type environments, like at work or in organizational or social activities. The common conundrum comes when one or the other would like it to develop further into a relationship and the other does not. The problem being that once the mind has advanced to thinking about a person in an emotional way, its very difficult to mentally 'backup' to only thinking of them as a friend. You might control your actions and demeanor by willpower, but the feelings are still there and it is an unpleasant experience in some ways, being so close but yet so far. And that proximity often just keeps the wound open so-to-speak. I am not btw, saying anyone owes you anything or is obliged to reciprocate in the slightest. Its just the way it is and it takes two agreeing that makes a relationship. So anyway I think this is why, if for example a guy likes a girl, but she just wants to be friends, the guy may want to not continue the friendship, or at least not for a while.

Its not that the girl would not make a good friend, it is the guy has activated emotions that have to be 'put out' first, before they can be in a comfortable friendship.

WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,200
Location: California, United States

28 Jul 2014, 3:55 pm

because of this I've seeked out David Wygant and Johnny Berba

Page 3 of 3 [ 41 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3

Jump to:

How to get a girlfriend? Post Reply New Topic

How to get a girlfriend?