Successfully Read the Cues and Had a Successful Date!

Post Reply New Topic

I'll have the full answer to that question in a separate thread. Look for that thread next Tuesday.

Haa haa.

Re: Sexual assault - it's not like the guy in the other thread forced his kiss on her. He felt bad for his actions, he *didn't* expect her to want it when she said no, and rightfully so. I'm sure if she had pushed him away he would have stopped. It was just a badly misinterpreted situation. Would an unwanted hug be sexual assault too? It's not like he touched any sexual parts.

i'm pretty sure that for it to be sexual assault/harassment the sexual attention/touching has to be unwanted. i think that is how it is defined most of the time, otherwise all sexual contact whatsoever would be assault. if she was ok with it and participated willingly, it's not assault. is that not obvious? the thing about asking for consent beforehand is you get to find out whether the kiss you are about to give someone will constitute assault or not before you do it, which you would think would be useful information that most people would want to have. i personally like to avoid assaulting people in my interactions with other human beings so if i plan on touching them sexually i like to ask first--but apparently i'm weird like that. to each his own.

So if a grandma kisses a child and the child hates it - is that sexual assault?

I hardly find a "brief kiss on the lips" to be assaulting someone. It's not like he's going to do it again with her. Personally I think a light touch or two on the arm would've been a better non-verbal way to let her know he was interested.

Can't everyone be happy for once and not turn this into something sinister?

No. We're pointing out a similar situation that has happened. One was happy, and one turned sour. Why?

Indeed! Can't just one thread in L&D stay on topic and not be polluted by this... stuff?

Ok, I guess it's all my fault, but I am the Boo, can't help it .


Let's wait for the Engineer's thread of Brian vs Giant case.

i think one went sour because in that instance the kissing was unwanted, and in the instance it didn't turn sour it was because the kissing was wanted.

how can one know before hand though. I would not have kissed the lady like giant did, for this reason. I suppose because of this I shall miss out on relationships.

To kiss or not to kiss, that is the question.

Btw, "kiss" means vagina in vulgar Arabic.

there is a very simple answer to this question: ask. no need to miss out on anything.

for you, most women i've talked to not on this forum. have said they want romance, they want to give signs and just have the guy read them and kiss them. the whole non verbal romantic kiss. asking would ruin this, and they told me they would say no even though they want a kiss as its ruined and now seems more like just a logical non emotional thing.

as I wouldn't read those signs as "kiss me" and more as confusing signs that could have many reasons. I most certianly would not move to kiss her. everyone has always told me that at the end of a date try to lean in for a kiss and if she leans in too then kiss her.

all this seems very confusing to me.

shouldn't be confusing at all--if you don't ask, you risk sexual harassment/assault if it turns out she doesn't want to be kissed. if you do ask, it eliminates the possibility of performing a sexual act on someone who doesn't want you to do that. which is more important for you to avoid, being rejected, or assaulting someone? if rejection as the consequence of asking bothers you more than the thought of kissing someone who doesn't want you to, then by all means don't ask--just be ready to accept the consequences (like the girl never speaking to you again, for example) of not asking if she didn't want to be kissed and you did it anyway.

It also eliminates the romance in spontaneity. Some women like it, some women don't. As a guy, I prefer it. I don't see an issue if the guy is careful about it and savvy at picking up the right signs. What I haven't seen from the feminists on this board is any sort of belief or confidence in men's competence in dating, particularly in picking up signs or respecting a woman's space by not acting when the signs aren't there. We're not all incompetent as*holes.

the girl never speaking to me again could result from either. there appears to be no middle ground and no way of knowing which type of woman a woman is. This is why I do neither and likely will miss out as I stated. not all women are like you and see any contact as sexual assault though. it is a chess game i suppose. I kinda like the spontaneous kiss in dating... maybe.

don't like spontaneous hugs from non GF's

standard dating advice to both sexes suggest an end of date non verbal kiss. every woman I've talked to until you and tant... has said this is what they like and expect.

so it is confusing. cause it comes down to peoples personal ideas and tastes, as such a blanket system can't be used. not all women are the same. as you've pointed out in other threads.

what if I meet a girl and shes perfect for me and me for her, but she really loves romance, and by asking if i can kiss her this sends the signal to her that I am not spontaneous romantic so she writes me off. what if all the women who are able to like me are like this. so I end up alone for ever. its about showing initiative to them I suppose.

do you really want a guy to ask you before each and every kiss, touch, hand hold, hug, cuddles, etc

Seems quite hard to please some women and figure out all these games.

my friends and family never ask to hug each other, i've never seen husband and wifes ask to touch each other, they just get close and kiss.

I don't want to hurt anyone. given what you say makes me feel bad and fearful of being in a relationship, or going near people in general any action could be seen as harassment. maybe humans should live 100% separated and only connect via the internet.