New Problem. What should I do?
Rarely to girls go to such extended effort unless they like you. Is it possible that they would go to such lengths just to tease/mess with you? Yes, but it's not probable.
Next time, goof with the one following you -- duck behind something, then jump out in front of her and say "Oh! I didn't me to startle you." Then give her a big, mischeivous smile. Then calmly walk off the opposite direction and don't look back.
Seriously, guy. Take control of the situation humorously. If they ARE messing with you, it will stop being so much fun if they know you'll "retaliate" rather than allowing yourself to be play-stalked like prey. AND, if one of them DOES like you, as I suspect, then you'll be taking it to the next level, and the little group will be THRILLED. LOL!
One thing you boys all need to remember is that it's VERY possible to be sort of...an odd dude...and still have a girl (or several) secretly have a crush on you. Once a girl has decided she likes you, you could have three eyeballs and say nothing but "Gerk!" and she'd find a way to not only justify it but to convince all her friends that it's absolutely brilliant of you.
Trust your friend, the old babe, DD.
Except that they are taking it in turns, the way AnonymousAnonymous narrates it, more suggestive of teasing than budding romance. Three eyeballs would be interesting, though I do not know how attractive girls would find it. "Gerk!" might be stimulating if it translated to something really profound, or maybe highly romantic in whatever tongue the triophthalmoi or triocculi speak, and the girl was actually fluent in the alien dialect, as well as in Spanish. I have been manipulated by a girl before. At least more recent infatuations have not prevented me continuing to be friends. Do you think that people might have been having "crushes" (infatuations) upon me without my realising it? I am older than AnonymousAnonymous, but still single.
Girls at that age can tend to travel in packs to support one another, and send one another to keep an eye out and pass the info back to the interested party. That is how it can work, especially if the interested girl doesn't want the person she is interested in to know directly yet. I do not see the whole harrassment thing, myself. If you are not interested in any of the girls, then fine, go ahead and make a big issue of it. I still agree with DD who I note the original poster seems to have overlooked entirely.
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I am diagnosed as a human being.
:)
Is that an option for phasers? You have a great sense of humour.
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You are like children playing in the market-place saying, "We piped for you and you would not dance, we wailed a dirge for you and you would not weep."
AnonymousAnonymous
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Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 72,000
Location: Portland, Oregon
Rarely to girls go to such extended effort unless they like you. Is it possible that they would go to such lengths just to tease/mess with you? Yes, but it's not probable.
Next time, goof with the one following you -- duck behind something, then jump out in front of her and say "Oh! I didn't me to startle you." Then give her a big, mischeivous smile. Then calmly walk off the opposite direction and don't look back.
Seriously, guy. Take control of the situation humorously. If they ARE messing with you, it will stop being so much fun if they know you'll "retaliate" rather than allowing yourself to be play-stalked like prey. AND, if one of them DOES like you, as I suspect, then you'll be taking it to the next level, and the little group will be THRILLED. LOL!
One thing you boys all need to remember is that it's VERY possible to be sort of...an odd dude...and still have a girl (or several) secretly have a crush on you. Once a girl has decided she likes you, you could have three eyeballs and say nothing but "Gerk!" and she'd find a way to not only justify it but to convince all her friends that it's absolutely brilliant of you.
Trust your friend, the old babe, DD.
Except that they are taking it in turns, the way AnonymousAnonymous narrates it, more suggestive of teasing than budding romance. Three eyeballs would be interesting, though I do not know how attractive girls would find it. "Gerk!" might be stimulating if it translated to something really profound, or maybe highly romantic in whatever tongue the triophthalmoi or triocculi speak, and the girl was actually fluent in the alien dialect, as well as in Spanish. I have been manipulated by a girl before. At least more recent infatuations have not prevented me continuing to be friends. Do you think that people might have been having "crushes" (infatuations) upon me without my realising it? I am older than AnonymousAnonymous, but still single.
Girls at that age can tend to travel in packs to support one another, and send one another to keep an eye out and pass the info back to the interested party. That is how it can work, especially if the interested girl doesn't want the person she is interested in to know directly yet. I do not see the whole harrassment thing, myself. If you are not interested in any of the girls, then fine, go ahead and make a big issue of it. I still agree with DD who I note the original poster seems to have overlooked entirely.
Graelwyn, you may be right. Maybe I'm just being paranoid?
I have Spanish tommorow afternoon & I will post to see what happens.
If they really do annoy you, then just ignore them and pretend you do not notice, but I can speak from my own experience of my own actions (though I am ashamedly 31 years old and should know better!) and just from observing the way teenage and young girls behave in general..afterall, they tend to gossip a lot with each other, and like to compare notes. I suppose you could always find their attentions flattering...I bet there are other guys who would be very happy to have the attention of 3 girls at the same time lol.
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I am diagnosed as a human being.
One would be enough for me.
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You are like children playing in the market-place saying, "We piped for you and you would not dance, we wailed a dirge for you and you would not weep."
Good luck tomorrow, Anon.
And AlexandertheSol -- as to how to gently, subtly let someone know you're interested romantically, as someone else on this thread suggested, the best way is to just keep working on developing a real friendship.
Get to the know the girl and let her get to know you. Just talk to her. Find excuses to do so. Be friends -- but in a quiet, persistent way, keep paying gentlemanly attention to her.
Eventually, and probably after not too long, she'll start to wonder if you ARE interested in her romantically -- that's just a natural question for an opposite-sex friend to wonder. She'll likely start to pay more attention to you and be friendlier and up the level of interaction if she's interested.
I know it sounds like the subtleties might confuse you -- they confuse everyone sometimes -- but the fact is, the full-on ladykiller, swoop-in-for-the-kill approach works for very few folks. The best approach to something real is to just continue to pay attention to someone you like. Smile, ask questions about her, be interested in her interests, and share yours. Be real about who you are. Don't rush. Just persevere.
And not that I'm accusing you of this, but it's good for us all to remember that internal attitude has a way of undermining us if it's negative. So always keep in mind that a girl is not an "other" or "enemy" no matter how nerve-racked you might feel; whether she's NT or AS, she's just a person with needs, too, trying to muddle her way through as well. I know some girls can be cruel, but most aren't trying to be, so don't let a few bad ones ruin the joy.
DD
And AlexandertheSol -- as to how to gently, subtly let someone know you're interested romantically, as someone else on this thread suggested, the best way is to just keep working on developing a real friendship.
Get to the know the girl and let her get to know you. Just talk to her. Find excuses to do so. Be friends -- but in a quiet, persistent way, keep paying gentlemanly attention to her.
Eventually, and probably after not too long, she'll start to wonder if you ARE interested in her romantically -- that's just a natural question for an opposite-sex friend to wonder. She'll likely start to pay more attention to you and be friendlier and up the level of interaction if she's interested.
I know it sounds like the subtleties might confuse you -- they confuse everyone sometimes -- but the fact is, the full-on ladykiller, swoop-in-for-the-kill approach works for very few folks. The best approach to something real is to just continue to pay attention to someone you like. Smile, ask questions about her, be interested in her interests, and share yours. Be real about who you are. Don't rush. Just persevere.
And not that I'm accusing you of this, but it's good for us all to remember that internal attitude has a way of undermining us if it's negative. So always keep in mind that a girl is not an "other" or "enemy" no matter how nerve-racked you might feel; whether she's NT or AS, she's just a person with needs, too, trying to muddle her way through as well. I know some girls can be cruel, but most aren't trying to be, so don't let a few bad ones ruin the joy.
DD
You seem to have a lot of knowledge on this whole dating business etc. May I ask how you learnt? I am assuming you are on the spectrum or have Aspergers also. I haven't a clue how to flirt and never have any inclination to get drawn in unless someone is especially intelligent or eccentric or both... usually another aspie, actually, lol. And usually, when I am interested, I do all the wrong things... like tell other people I like the person, including people I maybe shouldn't tell as they then do things to let the man know that they know. Asperger men can be very paranoid! I also have a habit of expressing my feelings and thoughts by sending great, long letters or writing poetry....but as to approaching the objects of my desires...forget it. I seem to have a natural fear when I not only come to feel strongly for someone, but also obsess over them.
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AnonymousAnonymous
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Age: 34
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Posts: 72,000
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AnonymousAnonymous
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Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 72,000
Location: Portland, Oregon
Update 3:26 PM Portland time
School just wrapped about 20 minutes ago & another Spanish class as well. Nothing really happened since it was a work day in order for portfolio pieces to be done with. Although during freewrite time, I wrote about me having a grudge against the girls who as of today, may have elected a spokesperson for their group.
Said girl resembles a teenage Jennifer Connelly with blond streaks in her hair. Although nothing happened, she attempted to talk to me in very cocky tone of voice twice. She asked me if I could give her a piece of paper & on the second attempt, she bopped me in the chest in an attempt to stop me from leaving the classroom. I noticed those actions were very aggressive & I need ways to be assertive-aggressive in return.
More tommorow.
Grael, hi.
Thanks for the compliment. I initially labeled myself as borderline NT because although I fit the description of aspies to a t as a young girl, I've worked very hard to develop social and communication skills through the years. Plus, I'm old enough that there was no Dx for AS then. As I've gotten to understand more about AS here on WP, I realize that I am very likely still on the spectrum more than borderline. I tested "very likely an aspie" on that RSDO (or whatever it's called) test. So, I am self-diagnosed, but I do really have many of the traits/issues discussed here.
I think the main thing I can advise to all wanting to interact more successfully with the opposite sex is to tell yourself that you don't need to be afraid or get worked up. The only way to conquer the shyness/jangled nerves/potential overload thing is to make up your mind that you will. Change won't come fast -- it took many years of just trying for me.
A key to allowing yourself to overcome your fears is to tell yourself that you CAN do it. And then just...try. Take it one step at a time, one interaction at a time. Start small. Start by making yourself interact more with someone of the opposite sex that you aren't wanting anything from other than friendship. Talk! Ask a few questions. Smile. See if you can make the person smile. Eventually, see if you can get the person to laugh. Keep working on a casual friendship, and then building it. Make interacting more/better an ongoing priority/project of yours.
And give yourself permission to be a dork. IT'S OKAY if you feel like you've messed up or not been totally smooth. Who CARES?! Take the pressure off yourself by just learning to chuckle at yourself, and then get back up on the horse. Remember, not much is more appealing than self-acceptance, which is a big part of confidence. Confidence is sexy -- and regardless of whether you are an introvert, people will pick up on it.
I say work on casual interactions and then friendships w/ opposite sex first because romantic relationships are just a little further on the spectrum of relationships, and romantic interactions are based on the same interactions you do with platonic friends.
What you're shooting for by starting small is poise. Poise in social situations is a matter of practice. No one goes to the Olympics w/o lots 'o practice.
DD
Keep us posted, Anon.
Remember, the more you can stay "cool" and not let them get under your skin, whatever their intentions are, the cooler the cat you will actually be. So although writing to vent is good, don't let a real grudge take up your energies.
Sounds like you will probably need to interact directly to find out what's going on. Again, remember, your internal attitude counts big time. So when you DO interact remember that you're the dude...and take the attitude that (to some extent) that ALL attention from girls is good!
We're with you, guy.
DD
cruimh_shionnachain
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Very confusing...
That whole stopping you from leaving thing seems like girl-on-girl bullying, though she may have just wanted your attention and is the pushy type.
If I were you, I would ask a trusty NT friend if he/she can possibly enlighten you as to her true intentions, but since you're male(i assume) that may not be socially acceptable.
I'd just leave them alone until it all blows over, which considering that they're 14-16, will be no more than two weeks.
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AnonymousAnonymous
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Gender: Male
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Location: Portland, Oregon
That whole stopping you from leaving thing seems like girl-on-girl bullying, though she may have just wanted your attention and is the pushy type.
If I were you, I would ask a trusty NT friend if he/she can possibly enlighten you as to her true intentions, but since you're male(i assume) that may not be socially acceptable.
I'd just leave them alone until it all blows over, which considering that they're 14-16, will be no more than two weeks.
Pushy? Yes! There are some NT girls who sit close by me & are the same year as the other girls.
Maybe if I could talk to one of them, I could see their intentions?
I have Spanish tommorow afternoon & I'll see what I can do during conversation time.
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