Please tell me it gets better. Please tell me there's love

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*sigh* Ok, that's IT?I'm taking a week off WP. I've beyond blown my word quota for the year, and here I go again?

Brian, it sounds to me like all your eggs are in one basket?and it's an extremely tiny basket for what you're trying to accomplish. You can either get more baskets or just a single BIG one?but at any rate you need something that can accommodate a larger number of eggs!

I think you've got the basics down. I don't buy into PUA methodology, at least not their actual practices, so that's not what this is about.

What YOU have to do is just get to know women, and LOTS OF THEM. For the sake of this post, I'm going to assume that you don't know a large number of women very well. So your first objective is to meet more women. Not DATE more women, just meet them. Start frequenting the kinds of places where women often hang out. You don't have to say hello to anyone, just get used to being there and being seen. Let everyone become comfortable with you and vice versa.

What's going to happen is you're going to be unable to hang out in different places without some kind of interaction. All that means is a simple, "Hello there! What's your name? My name is___. It's nice to meet you!" No-brainer, right? For me, it takes WEEKS and even MONTHS to work up to this point, so I'm not pretending that it's easy or quick. The next part is the most crucial: Ask questions, get this person to talk about themselves. Don't talk about yourself?nobody cares what you think, and if they do, they'll do all the asking. THEN you can talk about yourself, but at every opportunity, keep the focus on the other person and her interests. In any given interaction, you have 5 MINUTES to buy an hour. This is how you do it: "Wait, you work where? Ah! You're a nurse! Cool! Where did you go to school? Really? How did you end up there? Did you like it? That's awesome! Look, I was actually just leaving, but will you be here tomorrow? Oh, next week? OK, talk to you then!" You need to write down this person's name and key points in the conversation. You have 5 MORE min. either tomorrow or next week. You'll keep up the same pattern of questions with particular focus on keeping her talking about herself, and you'll keep telling her how interesting or exciting that all sounds. And when your 5 min. are up, you say, "Well, I'd love to hear more about ____, but I have to get back to work. I'm heading to____for coffee/beer, would you like to meet me at __o'clock? Tomorrow? No, can't make it. Thursday? Great! See you then!" BAM. You got a date. If you really want to know why that works, feel free to ask any time.

And you don't stop there. You do this with every single woman you can steal 5 minutes from. You may not have any trouble at all, you may have to do some negotiating (as in above paragraph), you may get nothing. But you need to get in the habit of pulling this routing with no less than 2 new women every week. If possible, work up to getting 2 dates a week with 2 different women. ATTEMPT (you'll fail, but it's trying that's important) to see 100 women over the course of a year.

Next, you need to go to a bookstore and purchase a medium-sized, lined Moleskine. Every opportunity you have to get a conversation, up to 1 hour long, keep a running mental list of any given woman's interest. Write these notes in your journal. I don't mean you're keeping score, I mean you're staying on track and organized. You need: Names, contact info, birthday, clothing measurements, favorite colors, favorite perfumes, maybe even ring size, allergies, food preferences. Why all the personal info? Because this is someone you want to be nice to, and clothes, perfume, and such let a woman know you think she's special, and that will make her feel good. You do NOT have to be romantically involved to be nice to people. These are things that are difficult for men to get right on the first try, so tracking this kind of info will put you way ahead of the game.

Also, the goal is to see as many women as reasonably and realistically as possible. I didn't say SLEEP with as many women as possible, I said see?as in just hang out with as a couple of friends. You're going to track the temperature of these platonic relationships to see if there might be potential for something more. While you're busy making friends, you're letting them get comfortable with your presence. You're also trying to make them want to hang out with you, which is EASY to do but even easier to miss: You have to make them feel special, and once they feel special around you, they'll want to keep hanging out. The trick is to just keep them talking, see above strategy for doing that (ask questions, use them to learn everything about their interests, lavish them with praise). The trouble I think aspies run into is we hyper focus on our own interests so much we forget to actually take interest in other people. You cannot FAKE interest in someone?you have to actually be sincerely interested. If not, it's obvious to everyone you have an agenda, and women do not like to be played. Once someone gets started on talking about themselves, it's hard to get them to stop. She will think you're the best conversationalist in the world, and you barely have to say a word. Do this, and you'll spend very good, quality time with the kinds of women you want to date.

The next part is the hard part, but you CANNOT get this wrong: You are accumulating info on women, you are studying their interests, keeping them talking about themselves, and they are taking an interest in you and asking you to talk about yourself. You disclose a little bit at a time, which you do by presenting your interests in terms of her own interests, you try to shift the focus back to the person you're interested in at the moment, etc. You're going out with two different women a week. You and I both know that even though it is hypothetically possible to date 100 women within a year, there's no way you're actually going to make this work. So when you call someone up to invite to the skating rink or go bowling, you can't be surprised when you get turned down.

How you handle rejection is going to determine your ultimate success in getting a LTR. So the big rule about rejection is make friends with rejection. Embrace rejection. Because once you go monogamous, you are rejecting all other women on the planet in favor of one very special person you want an exclusive relationship with. When women reject you, they are doing you a favor. Thank them for their time, move on.

As you call up women in your book, and I suggest doing this at random (go to random.org for an excellent list randomizer), keep going through your list until you've exhausted your list (which won't happen after you meet 100 women) or you get someone to accept a date with you. Make it your ultimate goal to never, EVER spend a weekend alone. You are going to find that some women accept dates with you more than others. When this starts happening, you need to start crossing names permanently off your list.

The first to go will be those who tell you outright there's absolutely no chance. If you do your job right, these will be exceptionally rare. Why? Because "I just thought we could get together for lunch at __. It's not a big deal, or like we're on a DATE." OK, so maybe it's an outright lie, but 1) So what if it is?, and 2) Does anybody really need to know that? "Date" is a kind of dirty word the first time you just casually get together or even meet up with mutual friends or group activities. In fact, just go ahead and eliminate "date" from your vocabulary right now.

The next to go are all the crazies. These are all-around bad vibes from the first gtg (better word for "date"). These are the ones if they meet your mom, she immediately asks you to help her with something in the kitchen. You most likely WON'T like what she has to say. Get through the evening the best you can, and never call them again.

The third ones to go will be the ones who you have asked out three times in as many months and don't return your calls, texts, etc. Some of these will eventually reject you outright, just like your first-round elimination. They only stay on your list this long because they aren't playing straight with you, so you have no idea if you're being rejected or if it's entirely circumstantial. Cross them out, but don't turn down a date with them IF they finally do decide to call. People do end up in the hospital or go to weddings/funerals, backpack across Europe, and spend summers in language school in Cuernavaca, Mexico (yeah, there's a story?). Don't hold it against a woman if she says her cruise ship was quarantined because of an Ebola scare or if she was held for ransom by ISIS while doing missionary work. That might sound funny, but it IS the reality of the world we live in. So, beyond three calls over the space of three months, don't harass women asking for a date. If they can and have the desire to, they'll call you when it's the right time. Oh, and why three months? Because I believe it would take up to three months or even longer if you're asking 100 women out for dinner dates every weekend and you've exhausted every other possibility, starting over with those who haven't returned your calls in the past. Three rejections from the same woman pretty much says it all.

The fourth ones to go will be all the nice girls anyone would love to date, but the mutual attraction just isn't there. Maybe it just isn't the right time, maybe they're more interested in someone else, but they are otherwise dateable, super nice ladies. Even your mom loves them. Don't rush this part of the process, either. Just enjoy getting to know them and stay friends if you can for as long as you can.

What you're going to find is that there are three or four women you go out with who both consistently accept dates and you have a genuine, deep interest in hanging out with fairly often. When you consider your choices here, and if they all really seem to be into you, there will be ONE who stands out. So if you two find yourselves hanging out and not really interested in anyone else, you need to have the old bf/gf "official" discussion. And if you manage to stay together just dating for a good, solid year?no cheating, no fights, etc?ask her to marry you. Take 6 months to a year to get your affairs in order, get married, and make some babies.

If you do this, you WILL succeed. Why? 2 reasons:
1) It's a matter of probability. Something is horribly wrong if you can document 100 women you know, and know very well, and not get one (1) single date. The odds are not in your favor to get a date with every single female friend you have. But if out of 10 women you ask you get 1 date, you get twice as many by asking out 20 women. If you only get 1 date out of 100, then ask 200 women out. The number game will not let you down.

2) Failure is a key component, i.e. you KNOW you will deal with rejection, and lots of it. You're not going to sweat it because you know not EVERY woman is going to reject you. Because this process acknowledges and incorporates failure, you're not going to be faced with any surprises. All you have to worry about is just getting to know women and get quality time with them. If you fail to get a date with one, move on to the next. It doesn't get any more complicated than that.