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To pay on a date or not? Is it a trap?

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Jjancee
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01 Nov 2014, 12:44 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
CynicalWaffle wrote:
Never understood this. Women want equality but then still expect the man to pay for a date, even if she asked the man out on a date first.

Can somebody explain this to me? I just don't get it.


For the same reason why engagment rings for women usually have diamonds, while for men don't. Good they don't, because he has to buy both of them anynway :lol:.


Whoever invites a person on a date is the person that should pay for that date. If you do not want to spend big bucks on a date, ask them out for coffee or drinks instead.



LKL
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01 Nov 2014, 10:43 pm

Personally I'm more of the 'everyone pays their own way' type. I don't want to be paying for someone's steak when I've ordered a salad, and I don't want to feel obligated to someone else for paying my way.
The idea that men should pay originated during a time when women *couldn't* pay because they weren't supposed to work. Now women mostly work, but the average woman makes slightly less than a man for similar levels of education and hours of employment, so arguments could be made either way.



yellowtamarin
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01 Nov 2014, 11:41 pm

LKL wrote:
Personally I'm more of the 'everyone pays their own way' type. I don't want to be paying for someone's steak when I've ordered a salad, and I don't want to feel obligated to someone else for paying my way.
The idea that men should pay originated during a time when women *couldn't* pay because they weren't supposed to work. Now women mostly work, but the average woman makes slightly less than a man for similar levels of education and hours of employment, so arguments could be made either way.

And the average woman probably eats less than the average man. The argument could be tipped back and forth a million times. Perhaps if you like the person, and the only thing they did "wrong" was paying or not paying for the meal (based on whatever you believe), you* should go on another date and make this a topic of discussion. One more date won't hurt, if you are still upset about it then don't go on any more.

To be genuinely turned off by it on the first date seems silly if the person was otherwise great. More likely it would be one negative along with other negatives that add up to "not interested".

*Not referring to you LKL, just talking in general terms.



AngelRho
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02 Nov 2014, 6:18 am

LKL wrote:
Personally I'm more of the 'everyone pays their own way' type. I don't want to be paying for someone's steak when I've ordered a salad, and I don't want to feel obligated to someone else for paying my way.

The only obligation I would think you had would be actually going out with me if you verbally agreed to a date. I'm buying because you deserve something for your time. You've already met your obligation, whether real or implied, when you showed up. Whether something happens later is up to you, but it's not expected or even asked for.

I just simply want to know more about you. For me, a date is just a date.



BuyerBeware
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02 Nov 2014, 10:05 am

Female here.

I agree with AngelRho, up to a point anyway.

I was ALWAYS insistent about picking up the tab for my own dinner. Reasons:

1) My daddy taught me to pay my own way, so I'd never have to hear "You owe me..." from some guy thinking with the little head.

2) I'd heard "You owe me..." so many times, and had to deal with so many attempts to shove a tongue down my throat on the first date anyway, that I was starting to consider refusing to do anything with any guy lest I end up in jail for giving the next one who tried a right hook and a knee in the groin.

3) I figured anyone who put up with talking to me through a meal had already paid enough, and I probably ought to be buying their dinner instead of the other way around.

If you really just wanted to make a nice gesture because you're a cool person like that, I don't think you did anything wrong. Actually I think you're a wonderful, and tragically endangered, species, and I hope you will find someone who will believe that you are for real and treat you right. If she's offended by the mere fact that you picked up dinner and invited her to go running some time, hey, be glad she didn't waste any more of your time, and go back to turning over rocks looking for a better lizard to kiss.


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Jjancee
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02 Nov 2014, 12:37 pm

LKL wrote:
Personally I'm more of the 'everyone pays their own way' type. I don't want to be paying for someone's steak when I've ordered a salad, and I don't want to feel obligated to someone else for paying my way.
The idea that men should pay originated during a time when women *couldn't* pay because they weren't supposed to work. Now women mostly work, but the average woman makes slightly less than a man for similar levels of education and hours of employment, so arguments could be made either way.


Then make sure you make that clear when you ask a girl out - that she will be paying for her own meal - so there are no surprises.



The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Nov 2014, 3:01 pm

Jjancee wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
CynicalWaffle wrote:
Never understood this. Women want equality but then still expect the man to pay for a date, even if she asked the man out on a date first.

Can somebody explain this to me? I just don't get it.


For the same reason why engagment rings for women usually have diamonds, while for men don't. Good they don't, because he has to buy both of them anynway :lol:.


Whoever invites a person on a date is the person that should pay for that date. If you do not want to spend big bucks on a date, ask them out for coffee or drinks instead.


I have no problem to pay for the invitee, I was just explaining to him why this social phenomena (the expectation for man to pay even if he is the invintee).

and oh, how are you doing Tarantella? I miss you really.



AngelRho
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02 Nov 2014, 3:39 pm

BuyerBeware wrote:
Female here.

I agree with AngelRho, up to a point anyway.

I was ALWAYS insistent about picking up the tab for my own dinner. Reasons:

1) My daddy taught me to pay my own way, so I'd never have to hear "You owe me..." from some guy thinking with the little head.

2) I'd heard "You owe me..." so many times, and had to deal with so many attempts to shove a tongue down my throat on the first date anyway, that I was starting to consider refusing to do anything with any guy lest I end up in jail for giving the next one who tried a right hook and a knee in the groin.

3) I figured anyone who put up with talking to me through a meal had already paid enough, and I probably ought to be buying their dinner instead of the other way around.

If you really just wanted to make a nice gesture because you're a cool person like that, I don't think you did anything wrong. Actually I think you're a wonderful, and tragically endangered, species, and I hope you will find someone who will believe that you are for real and treat you right. If she's offended by the mere fact that you picked up dinner and invited her to go running some time, hey, be glad she didn't waste any more of your time, and go back to turning over rocks looking for a better lizard to kiss.

^^^Quoting this?because I LIKE it! :D 8) :thumright: :thumleft: :hail:

When I write about how I would have a negative opinion of a woman who did this, that's mostly about my initial impression. Everyone is different, and I'm liable to bend a little. I like what you said because it's so freakin' intelligent.



Jjancee
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03 Nov 2014, 9:16 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Jjancee wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
CynicalWaffle wrote:
Never understood this. Women want equality but then still expect the man to pay for a date, even if she asked the man out on a date first.

Can somebody explain this to me? I just don't get it.


For the same reason why engagment rings for women usually have diamonds, while for men don't. Good they don't, because he has to buy both of them anynway :lol:.


Whoever invites a person on a date is the person that should pay for that date. If you do not want to spend big bucks on a date, ask them out for coffee or drinks instead.


I have no problem to pay for the invitee, I was just explaining to him why this social phenomena (the expectation for man to pay even if he is the invintee).

and oh, how are you doing Tarantella? I miss you really.


I've no idea who Tarantella is.



Kurushimi
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05 Nov 2014, 4:19 pm

Dating is really hard for a lot of people, I think. I am of the mind, that whoever asks for the date should pay. Now, if you felt like she was acting off when she returned, she likely was. But, you won't know the reason why unless you ask her, not everyone else. She may have been disappointed the date was over. Maybe she felt like you wanted to end the date. Maybe she is weird and felt threatened by you paying? Everybody is an individual and nobody can know what someone else is thinking or feeling unless they communicate it. That is just my opinion. You seem genuinely nice and respectful so I wish you all the luck in the world.



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08 Nov 2014, 2:54 pm

Its a trap! [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNLuq0lW50k[/youtube]


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