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Why does dating have to be a game?

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sly279
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10 Dec 2014, 4:43 am

wait. is that common that a guy inviting girl to his room means sex?

isn't what I would mean it for. I live in my room so its just having them there and cuddling I hope.



yellowtamarin
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10 Dec 2014, 4:59 am

sly279 wrote:
wait. is that common that a guy inviting girl to his room means sex?

isn't what I would mean it for. I live in my room so its just having them there and cuddling I hope.

Inviting to his house doesn't necessarily mean sex (as described in my previous post) but inviting to his ROOM is much more likely to mean sex. If you invite a girl to your room, expect that she may think you want sex.

But it depends of course on the dynamic already established between the two of you. It may already be clear that that is not what you mean, through previous actions and how well you know each other, etc.



nomoretears
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10 Dec 2014, 5:32 am

sly279 wrote:
wait. is that common that a guy inviting girl to his room means sex?

isn't what I would mean it for. I live in my room so its just having them there and cuddling I hope.


Yup. Really just inviting a woman to this house/ car /anywhere they may end up being alone. In my experience, its very rare for a man to mean he just wants to cuddle. Ive tried giving plenty of men benefit of a doubt, but 98% of the time it was a ruse. Maybe nts do this all the time, but to me it seems like lying and trickery.



Vomelche
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10 Dec 2014, 9:38 am

mpe wrote:
I was thinking more along the lines of AS/ND people tending to prefer direct communication. i.e "call a spade a spade". Whereas NT people can use ambiguous terms and expect "hidden meaning".
I'd never even though of "cuddle"/"watch a movie"/"dinner" as having much to do with sex. Except for cuddling as "foreplay", but desirable in itself.


Yup, this is definitely more of an NT thing, vague and subtle hints is the way to go at least in the first stages of the relationship. Aspie communication is more effective though imo.



sly279
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11 Dec 2014, 9:55 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
sly279 wrote:
wait. is that common that a guy inviting girl to his room means sex?

isn't what I would mean it for. I live in my room so its just having them there and cuddling I hope.

Inviting to his house doesn't necessarily mean sex (as described in my previous post) but inviting to his ROOM is much more likely to mean sex. If you invite a girl to your room, expect that she may think you want sex.

But it depends of course on the dynamic already established between the two of you. It may already be clear that that is not what you mean, through previous actions and how well you know each other, etc.



but my family/roommates live in the house too, so i'd have to invite her to my room so we could spend time together. :S

nomoretears wrote:
sly279 wrote:
wait. is that common that a guy inviting girl to his room means sex?

isn't what I would mean it for. I live in my room so its just having them there and cuddling I hope.


Yup. Really just inviting a woman to this house/ car /anywhere they may end up being alone. In my experience, its very rare for a man to mean he just wants to cuddle. Ive tried giving plenty of men benefit of a doubt, but 98% of the time it was a ruse. Maybe nts do this all the time, but to me it seems like lying and trickery.


I love cuddling, though there is a reaction after a while where i start to hump which can either lead to me stopping/her asking to stop or some fun making out and dry humping. I'd say make love or sex if that was what I wanted. the dry humping a unfortunate reaction to my hormones and bodies touching. I wish it did't happen :'(

car? doesn't make sense how would you then get rides from guys if it was always about sex?

did they dry hump you? if so might not been a ruse but just unconscious reaction.



Toy_Soldier
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12 Dec 2014, 11:25 am

Image

The box says it's based on a 'Television' program. So I would say its technology driven.



Butterfiend
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12 Dec 2014, 12:14 pm

Toy_Soldier wrote:
Image

The box says it's based on a 'Television' program. So I would say its technology driven.


Lol wow.


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12 Dec 2014, 4:28 pm


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KayteeKay
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04 Jan 2015, 8:43 am

Well, I don't play dating games. If I like a guy, I'll say yes if he asks me out. If I don't? I won't.



Nighty
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04 Jan 2015, 8:55 am

Butterfiend wrote:
Why is dating a game? What's worse is that it seems that the rules aren't even written down. There's just too many subtleties that make no sense to me.


I agree, mate. Making dating into a 'game' makes no sense to me either. :?



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06 Jan 2015, 3:13 pm

KayteeKay wrote:
Well, I don't play dating games. If I like a guy, I'll say yes if he asks me out. If I don't? I won't.


But there are ways to be more likable, hence the game exists.



KayteeKay
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06 Jan 2015, 9:15 pm

Vomelche wrote:
KayteeKay wrote:
Well, I don't play dating games. If I like a guy, I'll say yes if he asks me out. If I don't? I won't.


But there are ways to be more likable, hence the game exists.


I'm not into games. If someone doesn't like me (or I don't like them), well, why on earth would I play some sort of game to make them like me? Or vice-versa.

Makes. No. Sense.



yellowtamarin
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06 Jan 2015, 10:13 pm

KayteeKay wrote:
Vomelche wrote:
KayteeKay wrote:
Well, I don't play dating games. If I like a guy, I'll say yes if he asks me out. If I don't? I won't.


But there are ways to be more likable, hence the game exists.


I'm not into games. If someone doesn't like me (or I don't like them), well, why on earth would I play some sort of game to make them like me? Or vice-versa.

Makes. No. Sense.

I've definitely witnessed people being "worn down" and convinced to give someone a go, and they end up a couple. Personally, I wouldn't want to date someone I had to work to convince, but it clearly floats some people's boats.



KayteeKay
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07 Jan 2015, 7:48 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
KayteeKay wrote:
Vomelche wrote:
KayteeKay wrote:
Well, I don't play dating games. If I like a guy, I'll say yes if he asks me out. If I don't? I won't.


But there are ways to be more likable, hence the game exists.


I'm not into games. If someone doesn't like me (or I don't like them), well, why on earth would I play some sort of game to make them like me? Or vice-versa.

Makes. No. Sense.

I've definitely witnessed people being "worn down" and convinced to give someone a go, and they end up a couple. Personally, I wouldn't want to date someone I had to work to convince, but it clearly floats some people's boats.


And presumably a the folks who don't get "worn down" file restraining orders. Or tell everyone they know some creepy dude stalks them.



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09 Jan 2015, 9:04 pm

KayteeKay wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
KayteeKay wrote:
Vomelche wrote:
KayteeKay wrote:
Well, I don't play dating games. If I like a guy, I'll say yes if he asks me out. If I don't? I won't.


But there are ways to be more likable, hence the game exists.


I'm not into games. If someone doesn't like me (or I don't like them), well, why on earth would I play some sort of game to make them like me? Or vice-versa.

Makes. No. Sense.

I've definitely witnessed people being "worn down" and convinced to give someone a go, and they end up a couple. Personally, I wouldn't want to date someone I had to work to convince, but it clearly floats some people's boats.


And presumably a the folks who don't get "worn down" file restraining orders. Or tell everyone they know some creepy dude stalks them.


:lol:

Woman A: "I met my husband as a sophomore in college. We were both into archaeology. How about you?"

Woman B: "He just sort of showed up one day and started following me around everywhere. We had nothing in common and I found him revolting and obnoxious. But eventually he wore me down and I decided to just give up and marry him."



existentialterror
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10 Jan 2015, 2:57 pm

Butterfiend wrote:
Why is dating a game? What's worse is that it seems that the rules aren't even written down. There's just too many subtleties that make no sense to me.


It is paranoia. People are afraid of the other person being a nutjob, stalker, etc. Then, there is the fear of seeming like a nutjob, stalker, etc. Lack of trust. People only reveal themselves in very vague, positive terms. It is like a dance...