Dating Difficulties

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ImAnAspie
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23 Jan 2015, 9:19 am

Booyakasha wrote:

ImAnAspie wrote:

Booyakasha wrote:

Moved from General Discussion forum.

Feralucce wrote:

ImAnAspie wrote:

That's sick. I couldn't imagine getting tangled up with someone else's sweat let alone 2 people's!

Besides, God knows what you may come down with. It could be a death sentence.

1) Keep your judgments to yourself. It is no more sick than homosexual relationships, asexuals, transgenders, or standard male female gender binary pair bonding.

2) Just because you don't like the physical aspects of being sexually intimate doesn't mean that the rest of us don't. Studies have shown the same spread of sexual desires in Aspies as in NTs (ranging from asexual to hypersexual). While the concept of being asexual is completely foreign and alien to me, you don't hear me bashing that choice.

3) ACTUALLY... we do know what we will come down with... you see... WE ARE EXCLUSIVE... before we engaged in ANY sexual activity, there was an extensive period of testing. We are all healthy, carry no STDs and as such we are at exactly zero risk because we only have sex with each other.

I recommend that you research before speaking... or ask questions... reactions like this make you seem judgmental in the extreme, rude as hell... and - when nothing you say is accurate - a bit of a fool. If you can't speak with respect, please don't address me in the future.

Let's please politely agree to disagree. Otherwise this thread we'll be closed.

I'm sorry. I was out of line. I get a bit carried away sometimes. I do that in real life still - spit the dummy. I thought I would have outgrown it by now. I hear of other Aspies getting over their meltdowns when they get older but the older and more frustrated with life I get, the worse my meltdowns seem to become. They're draining. They wipe me out. They leave me feeling completely physically and emotionally drained and sad. For hours! And regretful. The regret!

Although Asperger's does afford me some REALLY COOL attributes, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy!!

:cry:

Heyyy no worries, now let's get back to the subject of the thread please.

Yep! Agreed! Thank you. Sorry!

_________________

Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200

Formally diagnosed in 2007.

Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.

Feralucce
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23 Jan 2015, 11:29 am

ralphd wrote:

Then if I say you seem like an as*hole its not name calling...

Precisely... and if I say your opinion of me means little considering this is the only interaction we have ever had, then it would be true, if understated.

I do wish you well, but this did not, does not, and will not involve you...

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Yeah. I'm done. Don't bother messaging and expecting a response - i've left WP permanently.

Last edited by Feralucce on 23 Jan 2015, 11:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

Feralucce
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23 Jan 2015, 11:35 am

ImAnAspie wrote:

Although I'm sorry, I still think about it what I think about it but then, I'm basically asexual.

I just can't stand people touching me, let alone getting nake... You know. Forget about it.

Each to their own!

It's all good.

Like I said, I cannot even begin to grasp what it would be like to be asexual... the concept is actually frightening to me. My hypersexuality is such a deep part of who and what I am, I feel that I would be a completely different person without it.

The trio started out as my wife and I and my needs for sexual activity wore her out and I was unfulfilled. So, I was given permission to seek out a playmate to take care of the rest of it. Over ten years, I had a couple... all with the same rules. 1) only safe, 2) full tests before and 6 months before we could do more than petting 3) they had to be exclusive to me to prevent disease and 4) no feels.

The one before our GF graduated college and moved away so I sought a new playmate... and then there were feels... we all caught them at the same time like a lame lovey dovey virus... So... you were right on one count... we caught something... In october, we moved in together... three of us, two dogs, three cats, two rats and a madagascar hissing roach.

SO... OP... there is hope.

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Johannes88
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23 Jan 2015, 11:54 am

It's hard for me to look at a polyamorous relationship and not think that somebody is getting a better deal, but, I'd like to think it's possible. It could actually be the solution to the problems I mentioned in my previous post.

I wouldn't get obsessed with two moderately attractive women but could still maybe feel like I was getting enough that I didn't feel like I was selling myself short.

Feralucce
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23 Jan 2015, 12:06 pm

Johannes88 wrote:

I have explained it to people who "didn't get it" thusly.

The human heart (NT and Autistic) is capable of loving more than one person. When a parent has a second child, they love that child as much as the previous one. Neither of the children loses any love. That is the situation we are in. We love each other with all of our heart. And honestly, we all feel that we have the best deal. I have two beautiful women who love me. My wife has her needs met (she is bisexual) and gets to read more because the GF and I play video games together, allowing her more time. And the GF feels she has the best of the deal because we take care of her, cook and clean, do laundry (which we do any way and adding a little more is no burden)... SO... all in all... we all win.

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Johannes88
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23 Jan 2015, 12:40 pm

Yes, I didn't say the situation isn't a win-win-win. I more mean, how to dispel the perception that one party isn't benefiting disproportionately.

Feralucce
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23 Jan 2015, 12:46 pm

Johannes88 wrote:

Yes, I didn't say the situation isn't a win-win-win. I more mean, how to dispel the perception that one party isn't benefiting disproportionately.

It's a bit like dealing with autistic spectrum individuals... some people just get it.

I don't feel the need to dispel any misconceptions in every day life, because they will either get it... or not. If they are not going to get it, nothing I say is going to change it.

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Sequoia
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23 Jan 2015, 6:58 pm

Regarding asexuality, it's not that bad. It's just how we are. It's no worse than being sexual. It's kind of like, I'm a musician and I can't imagine life without being able to play. However, if you don't play it's just not something you really think about.

Feralucce
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24 Jan 2015, 5:59 am

Sequoia wrote:

I never meant to imply that it is bad... just that I cannot wrap my mind around it... I am diagnosed as hypersexual... I am at the OPPOSITE end of the spectrum... and cannot even envision it... Like Arthur Dent trying to imagine the earth is gone... just can't do it... And, from my stand point as a sensualist who has two partners because one is just not enough... It seems awful... however, I know several asexuals and they are happy as they are... so no condemnation... just... I cannot imagine it.

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ralphd
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24 Jan 2015, 1:32 pm

Feralucce wrote:

ralphd wrote:

Then if I say you seem like an as*hole its not name calling...

I do wish you well, but this did not, does not, and will not involve you...

Well *this* conversation does me. So if you are trying to make me shut up, you are not going to be successful with that approach.

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Feralucce
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24 Jan 2015, 3:30 pm

ralphd wrote:

Feralucce wrote:

ralphd wrote:

Then if I say you seem like an as*hole its not name calling...

I do wish you well, but this did not, does not, and will not involve you...

Well *this* conversation does me. So if you are trying to make me shut up, you are not going to be successful with that approach.

I don't care if you post or not. I was simply advising that the side discussion between ImAnAspie and I was between ImAnAspie and I and did not and will not involve you. We worked it out and moved on. I request that you do the same, drop the aggressiveness as it serves no purpose and get back to the other conversation because I will not be discussing the situation between ImAnAspie and I.

Feel free to comment on anything else, but that topic will result in my involving a mod.

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Yeah. I'm done. Don't bother messaging and expecting a response - i've left WP permanently.

ImAnAspie
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24 Jan 2015, 3:52 pm

Feralucce wrote:

ImAnAspie wrote:

Just to let you know, I'm touching this thread with my fingertips which I shall wash after I'm finished typing.

Sorry, no offense. I just can't stand being touched by people, let alone what you're doing.
My (female) boss went to touch me on the arm the other day as we were getting into the lift and I flinched. I pulled away from her. It can be embarrassing but I just can't handle being man handled!

And as far as being asexual and happy with my own company (living all alone), is bliss!

_________________

Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200

Formally diagnosed in 2007.

Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.

mpe
Deinonychus

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24 Jan 2015, 4:25 pm

Feralucce wrote:

Honestly... you just have to find the right person to date...

I think you might mean people

Quote:

I speak from experience. I have a wife of 17 years, and a girlfriend (who is also my wife's girlfriend). We live together, and are very happy... and they find my autistic moments charming...

With it being especially ironic that many NTs trying to form such a triad find things incredibly difficult to impossible.

mpe
Deinonychus

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24 Jan 2015, 4:37 pm

Suncatcher wrote:

This is also one of the key points that stops me from going into a relationship. I am fine with only visiting a girl for a weekend, then i need a few days rest. I cant imagine what it must be like to live together in 1 house with very few space and time to 'recover mentally'.

In which case you'd want a relationship which worked that way.
Or do you mean you have difficulty finding a partner/partners who want the same kind of thing?

mpe
Deinonychus

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24 Jan 2015, 5:44 pm

Feralucce wrote:

ImAnAspie wrote:

That's sick. I couldn't imagine getting tangled up with someone else's sweat let alone 2 people's!

Besides, God knows what you may come down with. It could be a death sentence.

1) Keep your judgments to yourself. It is no more sick than homosexual relationships, asexuals, transgenders, or standard male female gender binary pair bonding.

Exactly. Is such language really appropriate at all?

Quote:

2) Just because you don't like the physical aspects of being sexually intimate doesn't mean that the rest of us don't. Studies have shown the same spread of sexual desires in Aspies as in NTs (ranging from asexual to hypersexual). While the concept of being asexual is completely foreign and alien to me, you don't hear me bashing that choice.

IIRC there are even studies showing that aspies are more likely than NTs to enguage in "unconventional relationships". Yet many people on the WP forums seem to see things as between long term cohabiting monogamy or being single. Even a little research would show that this is not the only possible relationship paradigm, even for the NT majority. (Hence mono or single idea involves a logical fallacy.)
IMHO at least some of the people find here might do better to consider other relationships paradigms, including various "poly" and "casual" ones.
Things like cohabitation or seeing "too much" of partner(s) appear to be serious issues for at least a significent proportion of (non asexual) aspies. If that applies to you, then seeking a relationship where cohabitation is an intergral part seems madness.

Quote:

3) ACTUALLY... we do know what we will come down with... you see... WE ARE EXCLUSIVE... before we engaged in ANY sexual activity, there was an extensive period of testing. We are all healthy, carry no STDs and as such we are at exactly zero risk because we only have sex with each other.

No need to shout about it

Wonder if ImAnAspie is able to cope with the fact that there are people who find exclusivity to be "completely foreign and alien". Something which may be a far more radical concept than a polyfi triad.

Quote:

I recommend that you research before speaking... or ask questions...

To make things easier, here's a link http://www.morethantwo.com/

mpe
Deinonychus

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24 Jan 2015, 5:59 pm

FireyInspiration wrote:

I was once told I need to 'see therapy before I date because the answers to the questions I was asking circumvent actual logic.'

I'm not sure that statement makes much logical sense itself.

Quote:

Please, someone explain how wanting open and honest communication with someone who you have mutual trust with, and being able to skip the whole 'flirtation' stuff that has no practical purpose after a relationship has started are 'bad' things.

Probably because it isn't the socially acceptable way to go about things. Nor is it something which comes naturally to NTs.

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