AngelRho
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02 Apr 2015, 5:28 am
05 Apr 2015, 8:00 pm
fzerowipeoutlover
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05 Apr 2015, 8:08 pm
05 Apr 2015, 10:45 pm
It's funny how the self proclaimed dating experts stay single longer than almost everyone else.. they're always the ones nitpicking someone's flaws and judging them based on frivolous stereotypes in our culture (gender aside) and they end up playing more games and being more insecure than anyone.. but hey, perhaps I'm being a hypocrite and stereotyping people myself. 
AngelRho
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06 Apr 2015, 5:50 am
886 wrote:
It's funny how the self proclaimed dating experts stay single longer than almost everyone else.. they're always the ones nitpicking someone's flaws and judging them based on frivolous stereotypes in our culture (gender aside) and they end up playing more games and being more insecure than anyone.. but hey, perhaps I'm being a hypocrite and stereotyping people myself.
Well…I'm not an "expert," whatever that means. I've been in a relationship some 15 years now, so I like to think I know a little bit about it.
However, it IS easier to look at someone else's situation and assess it objectively.
I tend to be critical of contemporary dating habits as a whole. It's too single-minded. It tends to be goal-oriented: Land Mr./Ms. Right or at least get laid. It's unnecessarily emotional, and I'm of the opinion that it's harmful to awkward and shy people who otherwise might be wonderful to get to know. That's why I preach getting to know as many people as possible, make a habit of REGULARLY seeing a number of folks, and let relationships "just happen."
But are you being a hypocrite? No, I don't think so. There's nothing wrong with judging, btw. What's wrong is judging UNFAIRLY. It's not good to give advice without first understanding the problem.
The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Apr 2015, 6:32 am
Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
Jono wrote:
Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
Jono wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
Apperently the only "real experts" on dating are the guys who can't find a successful relationship, carry on a conversation with and/or can't get along with women. It's way easier to listen to a "forever alone" reinforce your cognative feedback loop (by confirming sexist stereotypes and your own sense of low self-worth) then it is to listen to someone who can actually successfully date. This is why the opinion of a women (especially a feminist one who can successfully date) is so useless to them.
The trouble is, a lot of the successful people don't give them any dating advice but rather simply criticise them for not having the social skills to be successful. I think that you'll agree that one of the symptoms of AS is low social skills or a deficiency in social skills, in all areas of life, which aspies have to learn explicitly. Logcially, if having trouble with social skills is a symptom of AS, then they would also have trouble with dating because dating requires social skills and is a form of social interaction. Granted, having low social skills and having trouble with dating as a result, can lead to the low the self-esteem and attitude problem that you're talking about as a result but it's not the underlying cause of the problem. Therefore telling them that it's their attitude that's the only reason for not being successful is counterproductive and will only come off to them as criticism rather than dating advice, so of course they won't listen to it. If however, you give them advice on what to do to date successfully so that they learn the social skills necessary to be successful without criticising them for not having those social skills, then you might get a different result and they might no longer have such low self-esteem that they develop frustrations towards the opposite sex. Or perhapss, they will become more successful in dating and the issue won't develop in the first place.
For an example, take a look at this thread. The OP is only 16, which is an unusual age for an aspie to start dating or learn how to, and look at the results here due my own responses to him as well as others. Now compare that to the results that you would of gotten if most of the responses to him were "you are self-entitled because girls have no obligation to no obligation to like you", which is usually the response a lot of guys get here from the more successful people when they ask similar questions.:
http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=278545
I addressed this in the post above you, Jono. Dating is C0MPETITIVE. And when you have competition it's not enough to succeed, others must fail. That's why successful people tell those who are unsuccessful at dating "you have a sense of entitlement because women have no obligation to like you".....That kind of righteous bullsh*t amounts to "know your place and stay in it, lowly peasant!". Men who are successful at dating women are the WORST givers of dating advice because they really have no incentive to disclose the secrets to their success because that would mean they'd have competition.
Actually, it's when people start talking out of orifices other than their mouths that I start to think that they have no business giving dating advice whatsoever. Remind me, what's the male to female ratio of the human population again? Oh that's right, in any given society, it's usually approximately 51% male, 49% percent female (almost 50/50), therefore the numbers are sufficient for practically every human being on planet earth to pair up with another human being of opposite gender, so where is the shortage of potential mates such that dating has to be so competitive?
Where did you get those percentages from? Talk about pulling stuff out of your orifices!
Here's what the human sex ratio actually looks like:
Red = female surplus, Blue = male surplus, Green = ~50/50 sex ratio
As you can see, both China and India have a huge surplus of men thanks to female gendercide. In China, there are far too few women for all the (straight)men to find partners so Chinese men are starting to go abroad in search of women(most of them who have the money to do so are going to Russia). And furthermore, I also happen to know that in MY country, many major cities have a significant gender imbalance when it comes to singles! See for yourself:
I live in PDX(moved from Seattle earlier this year which has a HUGE surplus of single men)where there is a surplus of single men so that means that men here *do* have a lot more competition for women than vice versa. And even where there is a shortage of men, women by nature are much, much pickier than men for biological reasons so that means even when single men are the minority, they still have to compete with each other. Even if every city and every nation had the kind of gender balance of singles that you speak of, there still is going to be competition because there is No. Possible. Way. That everyone will have the opportunity to find every single person out there willing to date, mate and procreate with them.
My country is red, I wonder if they count the males who are working and living abroad; most of them get married with their countryfolk so it's not much of surplus. Is this map showing ratio at birth?
