Toxic femininity

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ahem, aren't we supposed to be talking about female toxicity, not male?

soooo.... a lot of females did much worse to some of my friends, tease them on some games, applications, even tell them they love them and then ignore on a whim. gender equality, eh?

Which is the jerker and more toxic in your opinion, judge Agemaki? Who's the less moral?

The man who does a harmless instant prank and disappears or the woman who turned out to be willing to reconsider her boyfriend for that, or the woman who accepts to be a girlfriend of a married man (with two wives!)?

If it is a behavior that both men and women engage is it appropriate to call it female toxicity? I wasn't intending to hijack the thread, but as you will recall the article in the other thread outlined problematic aspects of a type of male gender normativity. There are problematic aspects of female gender normativity as well. My question is that if both and women are engaging in certain behavior in online dating, to what extent is it an expression of a "toxic" gender norm? I would suspect that gender norms play a major role in these exchanges but I suspect it is more complicated than simply feigning interest for the sake of amusement. What is different? What is similar? What role (if any) do pernicious concepts of gender roles have to do with these exchanges? Personally, I think it is difficult to discuss one gender without mentioning the other as they are typically defined as existing in contrast to one another, though for the sake of this thread we are addressing pernicious elements of female gender normativity.

I don't think this will work on men. What would work is if some super-hot woman did the same to random men. I suspect that would generate similar responses.

Well, we would have to come to an agreement on what standards of morality we are using. Personally I am not interested in judging since it seems rather futile in this context. I doubt that any of the involved parties are entirely innocent and I lack sufficient information to formulate an informed opinion. Though I thought it worth pointing out that the definition of toxic masculinity did not seem to fit with your described behavior.

It's 5AM here, I'm going to sleep in a minute and I can't exactly remember everything I just read so here's my anecdote; I dated two girls with some of these tendencies at the same high school (not that I finished high school) and for the most part we got along fine. One was on track to enter an accelerated masters degree prigram at our local uni in some branch of neuroscience, we had a single coffee date after much heavy flirting at school and for reasons I don't really care about she dissapeared from that café and I never saw her again. Probably her untrained armchair diagnosis. From what I know she needed lots of space & time for introspection so more power to her. The other one, whom I suppose I dated first (again I don't quite remember when) was the extremely rare female gearhead, but alas her best friend imparted a fashion sense and she was more interested in keeping up with her family's horses than some random guy like me who uses too much latin in everyday banter. I told her to build some V8 Miatas and that was that.

I am a happy, patient & trusting inhabitant of the "lesbian vortex" with no plans of leaving it. Just gonna see where the winds blow.

IMO, definitely the women. Although we don't know how far they would have taken it if you really was a millionaire and tried to arrange dates with them. Some of them might eventually back-out of that.

Agemaki, no worries about hijacking the thread, i just thought we should put female toxicity at the spotlight.

I don't think it's such a bad thing to test someone you might end up sharing your life with - I've heard of some true millionaires do something to an extant, but opposite, pretending to be poor to see whether they'll be loved for who they are or for their money. Better than to regret later.

I bet those horses were experienced conversationalists and mentioned no Latin in their banter...

not to mention fashion sense! who could live without being in touch with the most recent thing going in Milan?

Well, because in life I have never heard men saying "I want a rich woman" or "how much she makes?", I only hear such things from women, the frequency to hear those per gender is obvious. There's male toxicity (check the other thread) - but the gold-digging isn't a typical one.

Those bug eyed shades were too much for me. • $£€¢¥ =

All the girls I've dated since the two I mentioned have made more money than me and in a societal context I think it's about bloody time; I just don't think money should serve to subjugate or exalt anyone.

The account of the two women seems a little different than the stories of women who intentionally misled men for amusement. (Granted, the description was brief so I don't quite understand the relationship dynamic). With the second woman it seems that social pressure (including a feminine normative of fashion) created a rift in the relationship. I think I see how that could be called toxic femininity. In general, how does the female gender emphasis on fashion create problems? What sort of problems in particular? (I am not trying to be argumentative and I apologize if I have come across that way. Gender studies are an interest of mine and I enjoy the discussion.)

One time I was dragged by a girl I didn't even like to a "date" (Long story) - her friends were supposed to be there in the restaurant, but it "took them" one hour and half to arrive. We ordered appetizers, food and finished them all before they came, She asked me if I am single and asked details about me, then she asked me "between us, how much is your salary?" - I answered honestly the number without giving it another thought and she was like with a disappointed face "oh, that's not much for your age" (and she was still a student, not working). Then she stopped talking all the sudden kept typing on her bb phone for 5 mins in row - tic tac tic tic tic - total silence, no eye contact from her... and her friends finally showed up in 5 mins! Yoohoo! And they just ordered coffee (hmmmm).


Another girl asked me on the first date, it was her second question, "how much is your salary?" (literally); this time I have threw the money of the stuff we both ordered and left her alone there in the middle of the café.
Then she hysterically sent me voice messages wondering why I did that and yelling how rude I was - the nerve.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 07 May 2015, 6:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, a pernicious element of female gender normativity is objectifying men as sources of money (e.g. 50 Shades of Grey). I am not arguing with you on that account.

A good example of this is the common reactions from the womenfolk you see when they watch some super royal/celeb wedding on the news and they literally go "sighhh, I wanna marry like this" and you see them almost melting - you never see or hear such reactions from men. Prince william/cat wedding was a good example for that, and so the regional royal weddings.

They sound like real charmers. Sorry about that. At least they showed their true colors early on. You don't want to date girls like that so I guess it's better to know early? Perhaps saying you are poor (whether you are or not) eliminates the girls who are only interested in your wallet.