WHAT ARE YOUR DEAL BREAKERS WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS?

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Joined: 4 Feb 2014
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15 Jul 2015, 10:30 am

I've had relationships with people with that sort of attitude at least some of the time. There are other times when this people would be nice--but then, when the "bad mood" hits--it hits me like a ton of bricks.

I don't mean the typical "bad mood." I mean--a state of mind where paranoia is king/queen and all sorts of abuse is heaved at me from many angles.

I don't believe I deserve to deal with that crap.

I want to be the kind of old man who waves hello to everybody. If I'm surrounded by cynicism, it might become contagious--and I might catch it.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 15 Jul 2015, 10:35 am, edited 2 times in total.

rdos
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15 Jul 2015, 10:32 am

nurseangela wrote:

rdos wrote:

My list:

-Wants to date
-Has ghosted somebody
-Wants regular sex
-Has divorced without a damn good reason
-Has too many broken relationships

What's "has ghosted" mean?

It means she feels entitled to ghost guys as soon as she finds some kind of problem with them that is on her "requirements" list.

League_Girl
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15 Jul 2015, 10:33 am

rdos wrote:

My list:

-Wants to date
-Has ghosted somebody
-Wants regular sex
-Has divorced without a damn good reason
-Has too many broken relationships

Ah the ghosting, I should add that to my list and also is too secretive and wants too much of a private life. I should also add they are married or in a relationship. (If things are not working out between you two and you are waiting until you find someone else to move on from her, how d I know you won't cheat on me and dump me for another girl? )

I will also add wants sex all the time and they can never get enough of it

Moves too fast (wanting a relationship too quickly and thinking about marriage and living together and so on when we had just met and not known each other for long)

Also what's wrong with dating? Isn't that what a relationship is and how you get one in the first place? How can you get a relationship if you won't date?

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Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

League_Girl
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15 Jul 2015, 10:36 am

nurseangela wrote:

rdos wrote:

My list:

-Wants to date
-Has ghosted somebody
-Wants regular sex
-Has divorced without a damn good reason
-Has too many broken relationships

What's "has ghosted" mean?

They all of a sudden ignore you without breaking up with you. Won't answer their phone or return your calls and ignores you online too.

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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

nurseangela
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15 Jul 2015, 10:41 am

League_Girl wrote:

nurseangela wrote:

Me first.

I know myself and pretty much what I can and can't live with. So here's my list:

Quote:

1) Non smoker.

What's wrong with not smoking?

Quote:

2) Religious or Agnostic

What's wrong with being agnostic?

Quote:

3) Same amount of income as me

What's wrong with making more?

Quote:

4) No kids

What's wrong with not having kids?

Quote:

5) Social or no drinker

What's wrong with not drinking and what's wrong with being a sociable person?

Quote:

6) Can't be divorced more than once

I think I can understand here.

My deal breakers are:

Poor money management
Homophobia
Racism
Very messy
Not wanting to work
Going silent on me and I never hear from them
Narcissistic behavior
Willful ignorance
Doesn't listen to me
Twisting what I say
Having to walk on eggshells because they seem to twist anything I say or get upset over anything I say
Always having tell their kid everything we talked about and telling others too and tell them what thing I did such as what I took literal
Get mad at me for my anxiety
Extremely obese
Judge AB/DL and think of them as sickos and pedophiles
Not want kids
Needy and clingy
Controlling
Very negative about me and think of me as slow and acting like I am low functioning
Procrastination, saying they will do something but then don't do it or say we are leaving but not leave
Can't keep their plans and follow through
Bad temper
An abuser
Not understand me
Not accept me
Makes me feel I have to change to satisfy them
Ignores me
Makes me feel I am single and not in a relationship
Worries too much what people think of them or what they might think
Wants a mommy and be a baby all the time

My list is what I have to have so they would have to be a non-smoker and they could make more - I prefer just not a lot less.

That's quite a list. Have you been married before?

I don't like when someone goes silent on me either and you never hear from them. I think that is rude and disrespectful and it keeps the person wondering what happened.

_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.

League_Girl
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15 Jul 2015, 10:45 am

Nope, not married, I just have two ex boyfriends and one was abusive and the other was a bum.

I am married now to a wonderful guy.

_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

nurseangela
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15 Jul 2015, 10:48 am

League_Girl wrote:

Nope, not married, I just have two ex boyfriends and one was abusive and the other was a bum.

I am married now to a wonderful guy.

That's great! So your Hunny passed everything on your list then?

(See Boo? That means even with my list I could get married too!)

_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.

League_Girl
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15 Jul 2015, 10:58 am

Yes he passed every one but there is always a gray because I had "Must drive a car and have a job, not the one he just started" and my hubby didn't drive so he took the bus and light rail and he worked at a place I am not sure for how long and it was three hours away by public transportation but I let that one slide because he was still able to get to places. My first boyfriend would probably have a excuses to not take the buses and light rail like he always did for when he didn't want to do stuff.

My hubby is a little messy because his room will get messy but that is because he is in chronic pain 24/7 so his pain gets real bad and he forgets but his mess doesn't spread and he takes care of the kids and goes out in the yard and does the garden, sure I wish he can do more like bring up stuff when he goes upstairs and also clean up the mess our daughter makes so I am not cleaning it up the next day.

I also had another deal breaker that my partner must not play computer games all the time but my husband does but he doesn't ignore me and he still gets stuff done and he doesn't complain and get anxious to get back to his game and it also allows me to have my alone time and he isn't needy or clingy. There is always balance so deal breakers aren't always black and white.

_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

BirdInFlight
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15 Jul 2015, 12:08 pm

Ah, got it. I can understand that. I was once involved with a very negative person who never saw the good side of anything or anyone, and this was different from just a bad mood or down day, like I can get sometimes, yes. It was all-pervasive in him, and he made my sunnier side feel very squished. So I think I know just what you mean.

kraftiekortie wrote:

Spiderpig
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15 Jul 2015, 12:34 pm

nurseangela wrote:

What does that mean?

It means I'm aware the idea that I might ever be in a relationship is extremely unrealistic. Thinking about what deal breakers I would have seems a ridiculous exercise in futility, and a way to tempt myself to think I have some power I most definitely don't have.

However, I do have a deal braker imposed by my circumstances: if a woman should, for some insane reason, want to date me, she'd have to help me get out of the shameful and destructive situation I've gotten myself into and become a free man, with emphasis on both words. I know I have absolutely no right to put such a burden on anyone, so I don't expect it to happen, but, otherwise, I'm simply stuck out of the dating market.

It's not like I think I'd have any value in the market, of course, but I believe it's even worse to be unable to enter it. Anyway, I'll never know what it is like as a teenager or a young adult.

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The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.

nurseangela
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15 Jul 2015, 1:35 pm

Spiderpig wrote:

nurseangela wrote:

What does that mean?

And what shameful and destructive situation are you in, if I may be so bold?

_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.

The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Jul 2015, 2:58 pm

League_Girl wrote:

Quote:

3) Same amount of income as me

What's wrong with making more?

What's wrong with making less? :roll:

And btw, nurseangela was kidding that she objects against 'more', she said it in order to win the bet against me. She certainly meant 'more or less' in her dealbreaker list.

You and her are on the same boat when it comes to that - most women are. :mrgreen:

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 15 Jul 2015, 3:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Jul 2015, 3:07 pm

nurseangela wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

Nope, not married, I just have two ex boyfriends and one was abusive and the other was a bum.

I am married now to a wonderful guy.

That's great! So your Hunny passed everything on your list then?

(See Boo? That means even with my list I could get married too!)

In fact, her list is more reasonable than yours - and I bet you listed only the tip of the iceberg there.

So don't be so sure that you can get married with your list. :lol:

nurseangela
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15 Jul 2015, 3:33 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

Quote:

3) Same amount of income as me

What's wrong with making more?

What's wrong with making less? :roll:

You're wrong Boo Boo. I was in another thread (that you were in actually) and Sly got mad at me for wanting someone who made more than myself.

So pay up.

_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.

The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Jul 2015, 3:46 pm

nurseangela wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

Quote:

3) Same amount of income as me

What's wrong with making more?

What's wrong with making less? :roll:

You're wrong Boo Boo. I was in another thread (that you were in actually) and Sly got mad at me for wanting someone who made more than myself.

So pay up.

My bad, I meant there 'same or less'.

Yes yes.. I know, you are a typical woman so you want a man having income more than you, I get this, really.

ps: You won't see a penny, so stop trying. ;p

sly279
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15 Jul 2015, 3:56 pm

nurseangela wrote:

314pe wrote:

1. Must be physically fit enough to drive a car with a manual gearbox.
2. Must like me.

That's it.

I do a lot of exercise, but me and a manual transmission - not a good match. I still remember when one of my guy friends tried to teach me and we were on this hill stopped at a stop sign. He told me to go and that car shot off like a freaking rocket! Thank the Lord it did because a car was coming at us and missed us by inches. I do not trust myself with a manual transmission. Nope.

I kept killing it I can't manage to shift gears and keep my feet placed properly. really glad for automatics. and aspie like me can't drive stick. friend kept getting mad at me, didn't want me to wear out his clutch.

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