Polyamory: Someone Please Help Me Understand

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I know Kansas City, Kansas is somewhat of an industrial sort of area.

How do you find Kansas City, Missouri? I'm fascinated because of a song "Kansas City," and Count Basie.

Like I said...if you don't dig polyamory, just don't go with a guy who believes in it. Most guys aren't into it.

I'm not fond of Missouri. I don't go there unless I have to.

I would never go out with a guy who thought this way, I just have to decide if I want to remain friends with my Aspie friend. Right now, this is bothering me too much

I'm sensing you're nearer to Topeka, then.

Don't sacrifice your principles.

The issue of if 'swinging' is or isn't poly is very much a grey area. Often around the issue of if it is 'just sex' or if 'emotional attachments' are possible/acceptable.

Some poly people can also be comfortable in mono relationships for others monogamous relationships are hard limits. The language is ambiguous here, which leads to such misunderstandings.

The term polyamoury covers a rather broad range of mutually consentual non-monogamous relationship configurations and paradigms. Some of which don't actually have than much in common with each other. In that sense it's a bit like 'autistic spectrum'.


Poly relationships are just as 'normal' as mono ones anyway.

I'm not sure that attempting to apply logic to human behaviour, especially that which includes emotions, is a good idea to start with

This looks like a non sequitur, which is a logical fallacy.

Also looks like a non sequitur.

Sounds like assuming that because you feel about something a certain way someone else should think the same way. Which looks like the anecdotal fallacy.

Looks to also be anecdotal with an appeal to authority.

Such language hardly appears necessary. Exclusivity is not a requirement of either 'loyalty' or 'trust'.

The logic in what exactly?

Everyone, who wants any sort of relationship, needs to 'screen' for incompatibility using all sorts of criteria. Discovering a new potential incompatibility is hardly an uncommon experience for anyone other than the asocial.

Wonder how he might feel...
You are comming over as someone who's lead a very sheltered life.

That is more a mono person than a 'guy' issue. To a poly person it can be more "If he/she wants to be with me then I'm obviously doing something right!" There's also something called 'compersion' which is the positive feeling of knowing that someone you care about is enjoying themselves (not necessarily sexually.)

Comparing yourself with others tends to be a rather self destructive form of behaviour. Even where it isn't it can be quite draining.

Someone can be a good or a bad sexual partner with you. I honestly can't see how the number of partners someone has can make a difference to if they 'suck in bed'.

There is talking, company, companionship, affection, doing things together, ...
Why is it so essential that everything come from the same person and why should it matter if they have something to offer other people? These things have baffled me since childhood. To me telling someone that if they were to do something with me they could not do it with anyone else feels completely at odds with loving them.

So if I hadn't led a sheltered life, then I would think that all of this is ok? No. I would still have the same morals and values that I was brought up with. How does one even get into this line of thinking? I'm wondering if he didn't learn it from his parents. A person doesn't just wake up one day and say "Hey, I think I want to be polyamory!" Maybe it's the fast lifestyle of Miami. Idk.

LOL....I live the even faster life of New York City--yet I'm not an amorous advocate of polyamory.

I honestly think it is an Aspie thing. The way the ones that are answering in this thread is completely logical about the situation. There is nothing logical about relationships - they are emotional (in NT Land anyway). And my thing is does he expect to do this kind of thing after he is married? I don't even want to think about that because it is so beyond what I believe in. There's no difference between polyamory and polygamy in my mind. Most women cannot keep feelings out of the situation when sex is involved. As an example say that me and my Aspie friend were married and we did this polyamory. I would have feelings for every guy I slept with otherwise I'm not doing it. Thing is, if I'm also not getting my emotional needs met from my Aspie friend/husband (which is probably truer than not) then I'm going to be spending more time with the men I feel a connection with and I may also eventually leave my Aspie friend/husband since I can get all of my needs met with another man. That's the problem that's going to be encountered if NT women are involved. Why would a man want to take that risk? Aspies have a low rate of marriages lasting as it is.

Last edited by nurseangela on 14 Aug 2015, 5:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Which leads me to another question that my friend Mary had - If Aspie's have so much trouble in social situations and getting dates, where are these polyamory people getting all of their "willing participants"?

Wait, probably on polyamory websites, right?

Polyamory cuts across all neurologies.

I've met quite a few NT's who believe in that sort of thing.

I'm trying to reopen the discussion about this with my Aspie friend. I have to see where his head is at - he just means too much to me, I guess.

Are you sure it's not because of where you live? I have never met one in the Midwest. If there is, it would be very hush hush.

If he sleeps with another woman, send that CAT after him!

If I ever get married and my husband cheats on me, out comes the sixshooter and he'll get a new A-hole!