When you don't realise someone fancies you

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sly279
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15 Aug 2015, 4:51 am

Feyokien wrote:

Some guys just don't have a lot of experience I guess, even in their twenties, it's not uncommon. Even if they are attracted to someone, they don't know what to do with it so they just sit on it for a while, maybe waiting for what may seem to be a perfect opportunity to get to know someone. Usually it never happens and that's that. I've learned that the hard way a few times.

yep yep.

fear of being creepy adds on to the stress of it too.

Spiderpig
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15 Aug 2015, 7:00 am

Feyokien wrote:

Some guys just don't have a lot of experience I guess, even in their twenties, it's not uncommon.

Even in their twenties? Not everyone has any experience at all in their twenties. I spent mine waiting for a chance to start getting experience, and it never came.

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rdos
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15 Aug 2015, 7:28 am

Feyokien wrote:

You shouldn't learn to avoid it, rather learn how it works and move further (which is NOT dating). In fact, a good idea is to forget absolutely everything about what NTs and culture have indoctrinated us with in the love area, and just learn how you work naturally from the scratch. That's how to get into fulfilling relationships as an ND person.

rdos
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15 Aug 2015, 7:36 am

Spiderpig wrote:

Feyokien wrote:

Some guys just don't have a lot of experience I guess, even in their twenties, it's not uncommon.

Even in their twenties? Not everyone has any experience at all in their twenties. I spent mine waiting for a chance to start getting experience, and it never came.

I think many have the required experience, even if they haven't dated or been in a real relationship. That's because the experience is not to copy NTs, but learn the natural way. I certainly gained my experience in high-school and college, but then I didn't get into any real relationship until 29.

The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Aug 2015, 4:03 pm

Now I am curious how British hurtloam looks like.

Snusmurikken
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23 Nov 2015, 4:15 pm

I know now someone liked me in junior high. I remember she used to say hi to me. One time she wrote a message on the back of my books. She also hugged me one time.

The_Face_of_Boo
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23 Nov 2015, 4:24 pm

You (not anyone in particular) will always realize when someone interacting with you frequency is fancying you; it will eventually shows even if he/she admits it.

It is that feeling that you are sure 100% fancies you without any doubt, with no second guessing.

The problem is often, that the one you fancy doesn't fancy you back - or - long years of no one fancying you.

If you can't "detect" anyone fancying you then the most probable possibility that no one is fancying you for the time being, otherwise you're being prone to delusional thoughts which are usually false; second guessing is usually just a wishful idea.

Pineapplejuicex
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23 Nov 2015, 6:16 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

There's no 100% guaranteed way to tell if someone fancies you, especially if you don't know the person very well. I spent most of high school madly in love with a guy friend who greeted me with a peck on the lips and a big hug, often sat right next to me, etc. but wasn't the least bit romantically interested in me (just an outgoing, tactile guy who was like that with everybody ). My best friend is the least tactile person ever, and I knew she was crazy about a guy she met whilst we were backpacking because she sat on the same side of a picnic table as him (not next to him, just on the same side .

However, generally positive sign that someone fancies you is if they ask for or give you their contact information. Besides that, I'm just oblivious.

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23 Nov 2015, 6:37 pm

Pineapplejuicex wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

You are right. It is hard to tell for sure if someone you don't know very well is interested in you, or not (unless they are totally obvious), because everyone has different ways of showing interest. One person might give you a big smile, and try to get close to you, while another might get nervous, and run and hide, anytime you are around. The only way to get a good idea about someone, is to get to know them, and observe how they act around different types of people (especially the opposite sex).

The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Nov 2015, 6:44 am

^
What Pineapplejuicex described is js just a superficial crush.

But you can tell when a person you know well fancies you.

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24 Nov 2015, 7:41 am

If a guy is single and looking or single and not looking, it plays a part in it somehow.

If they're single and looking they tend to be more switched on to flirting and more than likely they're keeping a conscious eye out for it to happen. Whereas if they're not looking they tend to be rather blind to it. If you don't want something you're not going to look for it or notice it, even subconsciously.

The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Nov 2015, 7:57 am

By default, a single guy is always looking.

Drawyer
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24 Nov 2015, 8:30 am

hurtloam wrote:

Here's a thing I was thinking about. I've heard a few men say that they didn't pick up on the fact that a woman they knew was interested in them and only realised after it was too late.

My question is, did you not like her then? If you did like her, even though you didn't realise she was into you, why didn't you just spend some time with her, invite her somewhere and enjoy her company?

I do that. If I like a guy I make an effort to spend time with him and see if I like him. It's been a long time since I've taken it a step further and decided to tell someone I fancy them, but I am ok with taking the initial steps, the rather non-commital spending of time together, but it's always me that makes the effort.

Why is it guys don't make that effort back. It's not serious, it's just spending time together.

Some men may think it's unfair for them to fancy a woman who doesn't fancy them back.
However, still many men would try hard to have their crushes to himself whether she likes him back or not. Many men seem to have willing to put efforts into their potential partners like you've done.

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Pineapplejuicex
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24 Nov 2015, 8:45 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

^
What Pineapplejuicex described is js just a superficial crush.

But you can tell when a person you know well fancies you.

Maybe you can. I can't. Just can't.

hmk66
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25 Nov 2015, 10:15 am

I don't spend time with a woman if I think she doesn't fancy me, regardless whether that is a fact or an assumption. The reason for thinking she doesn't fancy me, are:
- It is a fact that she does not fancy me (she doesn't send signals);
- I assume that she doesn't fancy me (I just suppose so. She sends signals that I cannot read. = She fails sending signals).

I could try to spend time with a random woman, but if it is likely that she doesn't like me, it may discomfort her. I would never do anything to discomfort a woman. That means: If she doesn't send signals that she like me, I will leave her alone.

hmk66
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25 Nov 2015, 10:19 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

If you can't "detect" anyone fancying you then the most probable possibility that no one is fancying you for the time being, otherwise you're being prone to delusional thoughts which are usually false; second guessing is usually just a wishful idea.

If you can't detect that, that can also be caused by autism. Reading body language is harder for someone on the autism spectrum than for someone not on that.

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