Do women like shy men?
I think general survival skill is more important than confidence, in order to stay alive so I can date anybody in the first place.
I agree but that's not most women, it's the confidence that matters most and it's usually more prominent in strong men.
Fallacy alert. Fallacy alert.
Strength has nothing to do with more resources, if that were the case humans would be below a whole litany of other animals that are both larger and stronger than us. Cunning is a much more valuable trait in that regard. As for biological imperative with strength, numerous species feature females that are larger and stronger than their male counterparts, therefore we can't claim anything with nature in this regard. It's a currently held societal belief, but it's not a hardwired genetic instinct.
Only up until a few centuries ago, strength had plenty to do with resources and it's still in the biology, which takes a VERY long time to change. Men had to be strong enough to slay a woolly mammoths, strong enough to fend off saber tooth tigers, etc.
But I wasn't being literal in talking about strength, and I was talking about humans in addressing the female imperative to seek out an efficient male, it's in their biology to emphasize male utility because women don' have the muscles required to deal with the environment, thus they seek out males that do.
Again, killing a mammoth is one thing, tracking it to the proper location, separating it from the herd, cornering it, and wearing it down is another. Those "cunning skills" were much more fundamental to killing the mammoth than having the strength to jab a spear in it. Fending off animals was much more about having a larger group than anything to do with physical strength. A solitary hunter doesn't go after a large group of animals unless it can isolate one, and in the case of say a saber tooth tiger and a human male, the tiger wins regardless of how big and strong the human male is due to it's vastly superior agility and speed (assuming the human isn't using his cunning in the form of a weapon). Strength is a culturally driven aesthetic, it doesn't hold up in nature. Here in the west we celebrate strength and so yes, women will gravitate towards that ideal, but it's not nature. Medieval Europe celebrated fatness, it was a sign of prosperity, and women gravitated towards fat men and vice versa. Ancient Egyptian culture celebrated slender almost what we would call feminine men, and women gravitated towards that. When one hears an aesthetic ideal pumped from youth to young adulthood it's easy to subconsciously make that a preference and mistake it as "instinct".
Some food for thought: small organisms, i.e. Bacteria kingdom, Chromista kingdom, and Protozoa kingdom have much more biomass than the remaining "large organism" kingdoms (Plantae, Fungi, Animalia)-- on a biomass level they are much more powerful than us, if they stopped functioning every other kingdom would perish. That's power, which is vastly superior to mere strength.
Edit: syntax and structure.
Most of this sounds right, but I take issue where you said strength doesn't have anything to do with more resources when it was in fact the case throughout human history. Hunting does require cunning but much of it is still a massive endurance test, for instance: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persistence_hunting which is pure endurance (nothing clever,just chasing the prey down to the point of exhaustion).
Hunters in Africa still hunt that way: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=826HMLoiE_o
Predators also tend to avoid prey if the prey shows that they're capable enough to inflict injury, to certain degrees, Most predators would rather go after a fat calf than a bull, if men have more bulk, the predator would be less likely to pounce on them, which is an advantage to humans.
Much of the human mind is lagging far behind our technology, none of this applies today but women still find those traits attractive because they were a huge advantage in the past.
But aren't you essentially saying in your post yourself sir that fitness is just as important as tactics.
Yes those men are extremely fit, but then there are men in the western world who eat healthy and workout using weights and other machines, 'bodybuilders'.
A thin and lean male who uses strategy and wit like running the animal to exhaustion to avoid combat would have fared much better than a strong but clunky and slow moving man.
But which one do you think western women often prefer?
http://i.imgur.com/rLZpB.jpg
They'd probably prefer 'Built' and 'Ripped' over 'Ottermode'.
Unlike Aristophanes I don't believe purely intelligence matter. Some level of fitness is required to be recourceful as well.
But for some odd reason, some people would only class the African hunters in the video you shared as 'skinny'. I say they are thin but fit, the ideal level of fitness for survival in prehistoric times in my humble opinion.
Yes, there are plenty of situations and circumstances where raw strength is just as good as cunning, or in other situations where strength is actually more important than cunning like the aforementioned strategy.
There's also the fact that humans still have to deal with other humans in the context of the tribe, what is a fast lean guy going to do to a burly warrior? Run away from him?
And the tribe is only as fast as it's weakest member, meaning there will be situations where you can't run away, or you can but at the cost of the tribe, and the tribe consists of women, children and the elderly. Women pursue men with the instinct that she's not as fast or as strong as he is, so she's going to maximize those qualities out of the men to defend her in such a case.
I'm not saying strength doesn't/didn't play a role, I'm just saying culture today over inflates the value strength has in nature, and certainly the value of strength in a modern automated society. Women currently do have a preference for strength, but a lot of that is based on society promoting it in the male ideal, it just as easily could be some other physical trait. Let's put it this way, someone like the Rock, while a physical specimen, would not have been overly beneficial to a tribe-- he'd be slow, quick tiring, and consume an inordinate amount of food for what he provides to a hunt, which generally require some amount of long endurance. Furthermore, I seriously doubt a person of the Rock's size could exist in a harsh environment that didn't provide consistent and well balanced nutrition.
I agree, the biology is lagging far behind the technology... doesn't matter if a guy if super buff in modern society, he dies to a bullet all the same, but this truth means nothing because it takes so long for the biology to change, our brains still think that saber-toothed tigers are still alive. Women still have preferences in dealing with the conditions that were present in the past.
It sucks but it is what it is.
The good news however is that it's easy to exploit this attraction, just lift/workout and you will generate attraction.
But the strength of a person in the past would be relative to what the environment could give him, and the women will gravitate towards the one who could best exploit it. He doesn't have to be mr.universe, but he would be stronger relative to the other males of the region.
Last edited by Klowglas on 12 Sep 2015, 10:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
I think general survival skill is more important than confidence, in order to stay alive so I can date anybody in the first place.
I agree but that's not most women, it's the confidence that matters most and it's usually more prominent in strong men.
Something that I hear about guys who start working out is that their confidence begins to soar, human male brains seem to associate strength with capability, combining both confidence with strength is simply too alluring for women.
Really guys who don't work out -- now's the time to do it. Put an audiobook or podcast in the background and just have at it.
As for myself I'm still saving up for a good bench and weights... also suspect that the work-out will help me go to sleep each night, bit of an insomniac.
Smart and strong and confident and cunning are in no way mutually exclusive. There's also a huge difference between being confident vs a know-it-all, shy-but-warms-up-to-people-eventually vs shy-remaining-shut-down, quiet vs wishy-washy, etc.... and
That's before factoring in stuff like whether you find the guy cute or interesting.
I've no issue with shy-but-warms-up-to-folks but shy-and-expects-the-girl-to-do-all-the-work-cuz-they're-anxious-or-insecure does nada for me.
You don't need to do all the work. It's is sufficient if you do your part of the work rather than expecting the guy to do everything.
Well, you can. You can be shy and not talk to them and still generate a lot of persistent interest. Talking is overrated.
Yes, but where does that go? Nowhere unless you actually talk to them, otherwise eventually interest wanes and you come off as either cold, weird, or uninterested.
Well, you can. You can be shy and not talk to them and still generate a lot of persistent interest. Talking is overrated.
Yes, but where does that go? Nowhere unless you actually talk to them, otherwise eventually interest wanes and you come off as either cold, weird, or uninterested.
That's the very point of it. You come out as weird and odd, and if the girl is too, she will appreciate that in you.
![Wink :wink:](./images/smilies/icon_wink.gif)
As for where it goes, there is no natural law that things must proceed at some (NT-defined) pace. I've been in these kind of nonverbal things for years without the girl moving on. That's much longer than (possible) typical dating will last when a shy guy tries to talk to a girl.
Smart and strong and confident and cunning are in no way mutually exclusive. There's also a huge difference between being confident vs a know-it-all, shy-but-warms-up-to-people-eventually vs shy-remaining-shut-down, quiet vs wishy-washy, etc.... and
That's before factoring in stuff like whether you find the guy cute or interesting.
I've no issue with shy-but-warms-up-to-folks but shy-and-expects-the-girl-to-do-all-the-work-cuz-they're-anxious-or-insecure does nada for me.
At least it sounds like you'll give a guy a chance to figure out what he's about. Sadly it seems a great deal of women won't wait around to see if a shy guy warms up they'll just go for the outright dominate male.
No, they don't. Women only "like" shy guys if they happen to look like Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds, but shy men like that generally don't exist.
Listen well and listen now: if you're guy, shyness is one of the worst possible traits you can have. At least as far as attracting the opposite sex is concerned.
I think general survival skill is more important than confidence, in order to stay alive so I can date anybody in the first place.
I agree but that's not most women, it's the confidence that matters most and it's usually more prominent in strong men.
Nope. Actual perks, traits and skills will trump "confidence" any day of the week and twice on a Sunday. Again, no matter how much women may claim otherwise.
There is a lot of very 'black and white' thinking on this thread.
This might not help but:
* I am a woman.
* I have dated shy men before
* My last boyfriend was very shy, to the point of seeming disinterested for a long time. I did most of the 'work' (arranged meet-ups for coffee, I was the first one to say that I wanted more than friendship etc). It was nerve-wracking, I don't mind pursuing people I like, but it's hard when I'm not getting signals that they're interested. That's - for me - the drawback of men being shy, you just can't tell if they like you! Confident men will let you know, quickly and clearly.
* Confidence doesn't matter to me, it's not a trait I seek out. I look for: kindness, compassion, even-temperedness, loyalty, patience and open-mindedness. All of these qualities can be found in both shy, and confident people. It's unlikely that I am the only woman to feel this way.
WantToHaveALife
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be glad you have had women approach you
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