Worst decision - okcupid

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It helps to say more than "hello, how're you?" I mean on occasion you may get a response for that if they look at your profile and like what they see. But its better to be a little bit more engaging...its more creepy not to be because they don't know that you're just nervous or don't want to be pushy in fact it doesn't tell them anything about you.

Of course it can be very, very hard to say more but at least try to get some sort of conversation going. If there is something they like to do or are intrested in you can mention that and perhaps what you like about their profile....and it is true you might not get a response but that is more likely to than a simple 'hey how are you'. It can get easier with time but the first few times are likely the hardest. It can help to keep in perspective that it is a very appropriate context to messege people in I mean that is what the site is for....so it may help to remember not all eyes are on you.

Uhmm, no. That's because no dating site has my criteria. No dating site even is aware of neurodiversity, and so neurodiverse people aren't "paired up", and you can't even detect which ones are NDs and which ones are NTs. At least that's pretty easy to do IRL.

If you can't detect them on the site, then you should be able to detect it when you meet them in person, as you stated. Or are you saying you expect to decide if you want to continue to date someone before you even meet them in person? Because that doesn't really make sense to me.

IMHO,
The most important factors on your profile are :

1. Cover picture - makes a woman click your profile.
2. Other pictures - makes a woman peek your personality.(how kind/neat/optimistic/happy ...etc you are)
3. Career - I'd first see how long a man has been in a work field to see how patient he is.
And then I would see which field he is in.
4. Hobbies - Actually it doesn't matter that much, as long as he's been working as I could fit myself to his hobby to some extent.

In a nut shell, I wouldn't believe in what a man has to do say in his profile,
I would just focus on those three factors which could be hardly faked.
I believe many women possibly rely on those three.

yeah the picture is the most important.

Males are far more active on dating sites, many females are inactive. There are only a handful of active women being competed for by hordes of men at any given time.

Think of free dating sites as shopping websites and the women are holding the cash.

I see your point, yeah, I don't think the initial message matters that much as long it is one-line polite message and not too creepily long, the 3 factors described by Drawyer are more important - she either finds you attractive or never ever.

I am also against the "create a well crafted message" approach, too much waste of time.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 23 Oct 2015, 1:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, this, dating sites stats hide this, they just show sex ratios without talking about activity per sex.

This.

It disgusts me and it would make me feel like a stupid tool trying to be the one dancing monkey out of a hundred others that can be most entertaining.

Then the woman in question finally says: "I want that one, the one with the cute smile and the nice dance moves".

I'd much rather wait for an opportunity to cross paths with the right woman naturally.

Nothing stopping you from simultaneously online + IRL dating. The former potentially introduces you to compatible girls whose paths you might not otherwise cross.

Drawyer

Number three bothers me a lot. For one the economy in the US is not very good for a young person to have any kind of established career. Too many people are stuck in fairly menial jobs with no chance for advancement. Choosing where you work is a luxury here and there are too many that don't have it.

There's that and I hate the idea of being judged by my job. What I do for work at this point says absolutely nothing about me. And I have a pretty good job.

I would like it a lot more if 3 and 4 were switched around.

As for Number Three

It doesn't matter which job you take, as long as you work.
You're working, aren't you? That would be enough for most women imho..

Ok yeah that does make it better. And yeah I'm working. I've had the same job for the last eight years.

Yeah, that's the point of number three.

How a man is patient, steadily persevering..that's all.

I'm screwed then it seems, as I'm not a good looking guy and I am unemployed, I would love nothing more than to work, but being around people makes me physically sick and I shake due to my anxiety.

All in all I'm a pathetic mess, so I am pretty much doomed to being a shut in and isolated, I've tried kickstarting confidence and ambition, but it always falls through, it is like I am meant to be this way forever, I don't want to be, but maybe I should just accept it.

What do you mean no dating site is even aware of neurodiversity?....pretty sure I wasn't the only neurodiverse individual on OKcupid. Also what is to say someone who is neurodiverse can only associate with other neurodiverse people?