Yep I f****d up

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GiantHockeyFan
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07 Dec 2015, 10:19 am

dobyfm wrote:

This means that you haven't found the right one yet

Of all the years I dated, all the many failures I had and with the ultimate success I am having, this sums up what I wish I could tell my younger self. I was getting rejected (and rejecting) because they were not the right ones, nothing more. Sure, I could have been less shy, less nervous etc but it simply wasn't meant to be at that time. The one time I tried to force a relationship against all my instincts (that told me to run for the hills) I paid a severe price for it.

BTW, your psychologist sounds like someone who can't think past a textbook. Ran into WAY too many of those types over the years! Here's a helpful piece of advice: on paper, me and my Fiancee have very little in common other than views on marriage and family but everyone agrees we are the perfect couple. Love can't be analyzed and there is no formula. The more you listen to 'experts', the more you will fail.

Sweetleaf
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07 Dec 2015, 11:54 am

Rajvilas wrote:

Quote:

Interpreters, I don't know about them to be honest. One girl I like to go out with she is an interpreter. She told me she want to build friendships first. She have ptsd that why, thus no trust in guys. She asked me to help her auslan skills, first time going to be alone together, since the fact she doesn't trust guys. She doesn't have many friends like I do.

That's a weird over-share. It is very strange to tell such intimate, personal information with someone you've only just met.

But maybe she liked you. Sometimes you click with people and tell them that stuff right off the bat because you like them.

Quote:

I thought improving chances of finding someone is the presence, like an effort to show up and do things. I used to be a hermit by sitting at the computer all the time. This year it my first year of going out many times. Despite my anxiety, I still feel a little scared or nervous when going to new places. Like this auslan girl who took me to the local auslan club last Friday night. She sat closely next to me asking to see if I am okay. She never done that before since she doesn't trust guys.

She knows that I like her, thus why asked me to build friends. I asked her out once, instead other guy that I also know he likes her too and that constantly kept asking her out and rejecting him everytime. She told me she doesn't want him, and he doesn't respect that. I don't know if I am being chosen yet. She told me that she is not 110% fully trust me yet but asked me to her out auslan out alone. She used to say to me prefer to meet at the meetup club events, but now its this.

That's a great! Good sign!

Quote:

I like her because of her auslan with understanding of hearing loss awareness and stuff, I also like her values and morals. She is very mature at 26, that she is not superficial. She wants a family. So do I.

But I don't know. It happens before with other women, I am always the one screwed up because they ended up with someone else or just friend zoned forever.

The friend zone does not exist. It's a made up pick up artist term. What some men elect to call the friend zone is simply a girl who doesn't want to date them.

Also, just because a girl didn't want to date you does not mean you screwed up. She probably just liked somebody else better

Why is it an over-share for her to mention the PTSD and how it makes it hard for her to trust guys? Seems that is kind of relevant information rather than just seeming overly reserved and keeping someone guessing about it or perhaps taking it as a reaction to them.

The last point is true though, a girl deciding not to date someone doesn't mean said person screwed up...they just might not have mutual interest in pursuing a relationship.

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Sweetleaf
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07 Dec 2015, 12:13 pm

rdos wrote:

Ecomatt91 wrote:

rdos wrote:

Ecomatt91 wrote:

Love at first sight is like society crap. Love at first sight doesn't work because how you trust and be confident with a stranger?!

I know it works (happened to me more than once). You become confident over time by obsessing over her, and when she reciprocates your interest by obsessing about you.

That where you get hurt. I used to be like this, liking a girl from first time. I get rejected every single time on that scenario. It doesn't work. It not a two way street. You still get hurt at the end anyways.

Never got hurt that way. You must be doing it wrong if you get hurt every time, and you should try to figure out what you are doing wrong instead of rejecting the whole concept.

Some people need to feel a bond and get to know someone better before they can form romantic attachment. It's not wrong it's just different from you. I also need to get to know someone before I can develop that. With my current boy friend for instance we talked a little on okcupid, decided we wanted to meet in person and then when we met we hit it off really well...at that point we both were interested in each other but still met a couple more times before deciding to be a couple.

From the sound of it with this girl he has been spending time with it doesn't sound like he is 'doing it wrong' at all.

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BenderRodriguez
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07 Dec 2015, 12:15 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

Don't take this as the gospel but my experience is that in the "NT world" you leave sensitive or potentially disadvantageous information "for later" and at first you try to put forward your best qualities and even ah, well... embellish those a little. I think it's part of trying to make a good impression.

An amusing effect of this - as I'm a very straight forward person and used to "warn" people right from the start of anything that I thought might be a deal breaker - was that nobody believed me. Since I was supposed to hide or at least mask such traits, they thought I wasn't really serious. And in case you're wondering, yes, it caused huge misunderstandings :lol:

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Snowballxx
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07 Dec 2015, 3:04 pm

BenderRodriguez wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

It's weird and indicative of boundary issues to disclose intimate personal issues like PTSD within minutes or seconds of meeting a brand new person. Yes, you should tell that kind of info to a potential partner, but my inclination would be to wait 4-6 dates or until you're dating exclusively, whichever is shorter.

BenderRodriguez
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07 Dec 2015, 3:15 pm

Snowballxx wrote:

It's weird and indicative of boundary issues to disclose intimate personal issues like PTSD within minutes or seconds of meeting a brand new person. Yes, you should tell that kind of info to a potential partner, but my inclination would be to wait 4-6 dates or until you're dating exclusively, whichever is shorter.

Who said anything about minutes or seconds?

Maybe I've missed something

That would definitely be strange, but I've got the impression we were talking about "early disclosure", which can be indeed a very relative term.

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