Being rejected when they find out your autistic

Post Reply New Topic

Auspie guys can do pretty well with women who have PTSD, or other emotional and psychological issues, depending on how the circumstances.

I am so glad I am not plagued by feelings or thought of being romantic.

On another note, I'm happy that didn't reject myself for being autistic. Though suicidal ideation was a previous dilemma for it.

Aspies generally aren't the best at providing emotional support thou but I'm actually fairly good at it & my girlfriend has emotional issues(depression anxiety) & needs a lot of emotional support.

Man: I knw we have been a together for a while and we love eachother and I feel I must let you know more about me,
Woman: sure what is it?
Man: I am autistic.
woman: Its not you its me!

I think you might be insane.

My first girlfriend had a mental disability/learning difficulties, and it was absolutely terrible.

I could see myself possibly getting along with an aspie or social anxiety female though.

I've always liked nerdy girls--since long before Asperger's was a concept in the general dialogue.

There was one who used to flick her nose on "Dobie Gillis" back in the 1950s. Dobie liked the dumb blonde girl--but the nerdy girl liked Dobie!

I liked the nerdy girl, too!

I think it's fine to reveal your autism if the relationship is getting serious. It's also fine for the person you are dating to reject you for it. I do think it lacks a certain amount of compassion, but it's better you find out it's not going to work earlier than later. People have a right to know what they are getting into, whether it's autism or some other unusual personality trait.

I disagree that it's fine to reject you for it. I mean...it's not like we were serial killers, psychos, rapists, or any kind of dangerous criminals, or we would have a terrible contagious and fatal disease, and there was a real reason to be afraid of who we are.
I would like to put the question in the other way: would it be fine from me/us to reject someone because he/she is neurotypical?

Now, maybe it depends if it's mild autism/asperger's or heavy non-autonomus autism? I don't know.
I'm not upset or anything here, just asking!
If someone would reject me because I have aspergers, why is it? Is he/she affraid of something? I mean seriously, what is the reason? Having autism or aspergers is not in itself a reason to reject someone, and it's not in itself a reason why a relationship necessarily couldn't work IMO.

what do you mean? What are they getting into? Actually I'm not sure what you mean.
If it's something like, for example, a vegetarian animal-lover who dates a girl and she happens to love and wear real-furr coats and crocodile skin boots, to have an animal-skin carpet in her living room, elephant tusks objects and so on, and he decides he doesn't want another date with her, here I perfectly understand and I'm perfectly fine with it. And probably she wouldn't want another date either anyway.

But if it's more like our date gets afraid because we're different, or like they don't wanna date us because we're 1m30 short or 2m30 tall, or they think we're mentally impaired, handicaped, they would need to be a "parent" for us or something, wich is plain wrong, then it's not the same and I don't think it's fine.
That's more like reacting like if we were not datable people, like if we were apes, aliens, or cyborgs or something and they can't date an bonobo or a green martian with 3 eyes! IMO it's not fine and not ok.

I think there are many negative stereotype/stigma associated with Asperger's so you could be rejected by someone that you could have actually had a happy relationship with if they knew what Asperger's REALLY was.

The OP talks of wanting someone to be tolerant and accepting of him from the get-go, which I understand, but there's not this black-and-white 'either people know what asperger's is and understand and accept it, or they don't know what it is or have a negative view of it'.

I'm sure there's plenty of people with a few misconceptions or negative stereotypes here and there but are actually genuinely curious about Asperger's.

Like some other's have suggested the best time to say it is when things are beginning to get serious.

It is at this time anyone will be more accepting than a random stranger, and once things are starting to get serious they would be open enough to listen to you describe what it is, its traits and symptoms, etc. to correctly inform them.

A lot of people might say 'OH, so THAT'S what it is. Well, that doesn't sound so bad. I thought it meant they were very aggressive and anti-social type people. Thanks for telling me what it really is.'

Imagine if nearly every stranger you barely know that's rejected you for being autistic could have been this person?

I don't share my AS with women I meet. Many are from sugar dating sites and that question has not come up.

I consider sharing ones AS status with potential dates a mistake. The name of the game is to impress them with strengths. If some AS issue comes up just address that issue. No need to give the farm away. Many women instinctively shy away from guys they consider weird or inferior. Your goal is block that not let that pkayer get to QB.

My AS status is my business not theirs.

I dont really tell anyone i'm autistic, i'm sure some people can eventually tell lol. I certainly woudn't tell any girls until we're serious.

But the past two girls I have liked who are neurotypical have known simply because i'm in this program. Awww man that last girl, holy sht someone gave me a helluva love potion from Hogwarts, that's how crazy I was about this girl. It was because she was redhead, I had a huge fetish for redheads back in the good ole days of 2015. Turns out she was in a long-distance relationship with some other chick. Shouda seen my reaction after looking it up on Facebook, I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Now I semi like this asian girl, she's more friendly than the redhead. And the good news is that she's here till May. I need to learn how to talk to women for more than 5 minutes irl without sh*****g my pants and work up the nerves to ask for her number. Back to the drawing board boys.

I don't disclose my AS to people. Your disclosure seems to be causing your rejection. U need deselect it from y playbook.

Out of curiosity darkphantomx1, why do you always seem to like women who live far away or eventually end up leaving?

From the way you describe it it seems like every woman you like is only going to be staying in the same place as you for a temporary amount of time. Shouldn't you try your best to fall for local women planning to actually stay a little while in the first place? You often mention liking a woman who 'moved away', you said you messaged on 'living in Ohio'.

Do you just like exchange chicks or something??

I don't know, maybe you attend one of those colleges people go to to study and then never ever return to town ever again?

Girls have rejected me when I told them that I have Aspergers, so for some of the other dates I went on more recently I tried to hide it from a girl and she found out that I had autism because of my symptoms.

She asked me if I had autism and I asked her was it going to change my opinion of me if I told said yes, she told me no. However, I am a pessimist as I always expect bad things to happen to me because a lot of bad things have happened to me in the past and I'm usually right when I'm pessimistic, so I hesitated telling her a few minutes, and towards the end of the date I told her that I have Aspergers but I also mentioned that because of my diagnosis of my family I live in a agency because my parents put me there and I also told her how because I talked back to my mom, in Flex my right to have less supervision, the apartment which was supposed to be only limited supervision my mom made it into a 24-hour apartment.

The only reason I told her this was because she told me that she was studying law.

After I told her the whole story, she got really upset that I hid all of this from her as we went on several dates. She asked me why I hit this from her and I told her how previous girls rejected me after they found out that I had Asperger's and I didn't want to take any chances in losing her as well.

After that date, she told me that because I decided to omit the truth from her, that I am a dishonest person in that she does not want to pursue the relationship any further with me and I unfortunately lost my temper with her over the phone accusing her of being an ableist and with that she ended the friendship right there.

I tried to apologize for my Outburst, but she unfortunately blocked me and didn't accept my explanation and apology and after no response from her for over a month, the last thing I did before I deleted her from my contacts, I wrote a paragraph explaining why she's an ableist and that by not accepting my apology I proved my point that she doesn't believe that people with disabilities deserve another chance.

Since then, all other dates have been rejections as well and I expect that I will never have a girlfriend ever, I don't think that this is because of autism in my case I just think that I'm a very unlucky person.

Anyway, I wish you all the best on finding the right girl, however I know that I probably will never find one.

Don't tell people you have autism. Ever. A diagnosis is based on personality traits, it's not hard science and as such it's ultimately little more than an opinion.