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Why do women do this?

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Jamesy
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17 Jan 2016, 1:58 pm

Hopper wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Well for me if I see a girl I like the look of it just natural for me to glance at her if I see her in a pub or venue


Yes, that's a glance. If I see any sight that catches my attention I find myself returning for a second or third glance. I think that's pretty much how humans work.

And, again, a glance. Momentary. Brief. Not to be confused with staring for, as you put it, 'too long'.

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That's just me though. But I think girls don't like guys looking at them as much because they dislike men in general


That last line is so much BS.



People in general don't like people staring at them. Women in particular have good reason to be concerned about men in particular staring at them.

The analogy doesn't quite work, but still: I like dogs. I get worried if a dog just stares and stares at me.

Jamesy, seriously - do not stare at people. It is unpleasant for the person being stared at, and you're likely to get yourself into trouble.




I have seen some women scowl at me and look angry even if I glance at them.



Hopper
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17 Jan 2016, 2:12 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Hopper wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Well for me if I see a girl I like the look of it just natural for me to glance at her if I see her in a pub or venue


Yes, that's a glance. If I see any sight that catches my attention I find myself returning for a second or third glance. I think that's pretty much how humans work.

And, again, a glance. Momentary. Brief. Not to be confused with staring for, as you put it, 'too long'.

Quote:
That's just me though. But I think girls don't like guys looking at them as much because they dislike men in general


That last line is so much BS.



People in general don't like people staring at them. Women in particular have good reason to be concerned about men in particular staring at them.

The analogy doesn't quite work, but still: I like dogs. I get worried if a dog just stares and stares at me.

Jamesy, seriously - do not stare at people. It is unpleasant for the person being stared at, and you're likely to get yourself into trouble.


I have seen some women scowl at me and look angry even if I glance at them.


Not knowing what your glance looks like, nor anything about these women, nor the context it happened under, there's not much to say to that.

Could be some find your 'glance' concerning. Could be bad timing. Could be these particular women were unfriendly.


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Jamesy
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17 Jan 2016, 2:56 pm

Hopper wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Hopper wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Well for me if I see a girl I like the look of it just natural for me to glance at her if I see her in a pub or venue


Yes, that's a glance. If I see any sight that catches my attention I find myself returning for a second or third glance. I think that's pretty much how humans work.

And, again, a glance. Momentary. Brief. Not to be confused with staring for, as you put it, 'too long'.

Quote:
That's just me though. But I think girls don't like guys looking at them as much because they dislike men in general


That last line is so much BS.



People in general don't like people staring at them. Women in particular have good reason to be concerned about men in particular staring at them.

The analogy doesn't quite work, but still: I like dogs. I get worried if a dog just stares and stares at me.

Jamesy, seriously - do not stare at people. It is unpleasant for the person being stared at, and you're likely to get yourself into trouble.


I have seen some women scowl at me and look angry even if I glance at them.


Not knowing what your glance looks like, nor anything about these women, nor the context it happened under, there's not much to say to that.

Could be some find your 'glance' concerning. Could be bad timing. Could be these particular women were unfriendly.





Maybe I scowl when I glance?



Hopper
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17 Jan 2016, 3:33 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Maybe I scowl when I glance?


Yeah, could be. Could be something in your body language or facial expression that you're not aware of.


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Of course, it's probably quite a bit more complicated than that.

You know sometimes, between the dames and the horses, I don't even know why I put my hat on.


Jamesy
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17 Jan 2016, 3:57 pm

Hopper wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Maybe I scowl when I glance?


Yeah, could be. Could be something in your body language or facial expression that you're not aware of.



Being a man with aspergers sucks :(



nick007
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17 Jan 2016, 4:12 pm

I even get uncomfortable when I notice my girlfriend staring at me.


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nurseangela
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17 Jan 2016, 5:38 pm

Oh boy. I think the OP gets the point that he shouldn't be staring at women for a long time. Glancing is fine. Don't Aspies sometimes have a problem with staring, like they don't know that they're doing it?

I actually have the staring problem myself sometimes and it's when I'm really tired usually after working or not getting much sleep. What I end up doing is telling whoever I'm with that if I'm staring at them it is just because I'm really tired. The thing is I'm not really staring at the person, I'm looking through them and trying to sleep with my eyes open. :)


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Fnord
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17 Jan 2016, 5:46 pm

nurseangela wrote:
Oh boy. I think the OP gets the point that he shouldn't be staring at women for a long time. Glancing is fine. Don't Aspies sometimes have a problem with staring, like they don't know that they're doing it?
Yes; NTs, too. That's why reflectorized sunglasses were invented.

nurseangela wrote:
I actually have the staring problem myself sometimes and it's when I'm really tired usually after working or not getting much sleep. What I end up doing is telling whoever I'm with that if I'm staring at them it is just because I'm really tired. The thing is I'm not really staring at the person, I'm looking through them and trying to sleep with my eyes open.
I sometimes stare off into space, and eventually realize that someone has moved into that space - then I just shift my gaze to another empty space. The last time it happened, the person seriously accused me of giving him the "Evil Eye". He seemed to be middle-eastern.


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nurseangela
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17 Jan 2016, 5:55 pm

Fnord wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Oh boy. I think the OP gets the point that he shouldn't be staring at women for a long time. Glancing is fine. Don't Aspies sometimes have a problem with staring, like they don't know that they're doing it?
Yes; NTs, too. That's why reflectorized sunglasses were invented.

nurseangela wrote:
I actually have the staring problem myself sometimes and it's when I'm really tired usually after working or not getting much sleep. What I end up doing is telling whoever I'm with that if I'm staring at them it is just because I'm really tired. The thing is I'm not really staring at the person, I'm looking through them and trying to sleep with my eyes open.
I sometimes stare off into space, and eventually realize that someone has moved into that space - then I just shift my gaze to another empty space. The last time it happened, the person seriously accused me of giving him the "Evil Eye". He seemed to be middle-eastern.


Was that the one that was running you down saying a bunch of crap?


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Fnord
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17 Jan 2016, 6:03 pm

nurseangela wrote:
Fnord wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Oh boy. I think the OP gets the point that he shouldn't be staring at women for a long time. Glancing is fine. Don't Aspies sometimes have a problem with staring, like they don't know that they're doing it?
Yes; NTs, too. That's why reflectorized sunglasses were invented.
nurseangela wrote:
I actually have the staring problem myself sometimes and it's when I'm really tired usually after working or not getting much sleep. What I end up doing is telling whoever I'm with that if I'm staring at them it is just because I'm really tired. The thing is I'm not really staring at the person, I'm looking through them and trying to sleep with my eyes open.
I sometimes stare off into space, and eventually realize that someone has moved into that space - then I just shift my gaze to another empty space. The last time it happened, the person seriously accused me of giving him the "Evil Eye". He seemed to be middle-eastern.
Was that the one that was running you down saying a bunch of crap?
It was his friend who ran after me, demanding that I remove the "Evil Eye" from his friend, whom I assume did not speak English.


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nurseangela
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17 Jan 2016, 6:27 pm

Fnord wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Fnord wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Oh boy. I think the OP gets the point that he shouldn't be staring at women for a long time. Glancing is fine. Don't Aspies sometimes have a problem with staring, like they don't know that they're doing it?
Yes; NTs, too. That's why reflectorized sunglasses were invented.
nurseangela wrote:
I actually have the staring problem myself sometimes and it's when I'm really tired usually after working or not getting much sleep. What I end up doing is telling whoever I'm with that if I'm staring at them it is just because I'm really tired. The thing is I'm not really staring at the person, I'm looking through them and trying to sleep with my eyes open.
I sometimes stare off into space, and eventually realize that someone has moved into that space - then I just shift my gaze to another empty space. The last time it happened, the person seriously accused me of giving him the "Evil Eye". He seemed to be middle-eastern.
Was that the one that was running you down saying a bunch of crap?
It was his friend who ran after me, demanding that I remove the "Evil Eye" from his friend, whom I assume did not speak English.


When I read that, that freaked me out! He's lucky that you didn't have a gun, but he probably would have upped you one by having a bomb strapped to his waist and you both would have went KABOOM! :roll:


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


Feyokien
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17 Jan 2016, 6:36 pm

Getting stared down or having someone constantly glance at you isn't a fun time. It made for an awkward and anxiety riddled semester in Optical Mineralogy. If they're so interested in you then they should just feaken approach, that goes for anyone.



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17 Jan 2016, 7:51 pm

I am destined to life of single lonliness and forever being labeled the "creepy nice guy"

The closest I will ever get to intimacy with a woman is a high five :(


Why is society so freaking rough on then men :wall:



sly279
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17 Jan 2016, 8:08 pm

It's why I do my best to never even look at women.
Lots to see on the ground.



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17 Jan 2016, 8:33 pm

I can relate to Jamesy.

I understand and most definitely believe staring or constant looking is just very rude and very wrong.

However, sometimes even a quick little glance some react with a 'How dare you even THINK you have a chance with ME?' death-stare that I'm sure me, Jamesy and Sly have all gotten plenty of times before.

And to those that say 'maybe you're looking at someone in a way that people find uncomfortable' well just how are you supposed to look at someone (a quick glance) without making them uncomfortable?

Neutral expressions come across as cold, creepy and sociopathic, smiling comes across as creepy unless it's mutual, a räpey smile is the worst possible face obviously.

Body language also doesn't really influence it that much, I don't think. Slouching and having your chin down makes you look creepy, having your chin up and chest out a bit confidently just might make her more afraid and think of you as one of those 'dominant' males.

And to be honest getting looks also flatters me. Even if her face is neutral and gloomy and not particularly happy looking. Even if she looks a little too long.

Also, this has made me think of a curious question.

If I were to look at a female the way I am in my profile picture quickly, how do you think they'd react? Women here, if you were my age, or if I was your age and someone did this, how would you react? Let's say I am wearing the exact same clothes. Is it 'creepy'?



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17 Jan 2016, 8:41 pm

I think the best bet is just to smile and look happy. Sort of glance around at no one in particular. Be positive, don't slouch, and walk at a calm pace. Look at things other than people. I always stop and look at the shopfronts and the gardens.