Is anyone lowering their standards or willing to settle?

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I don't feel comfortable with the concept of standards, though, I do know myself and needs well enough to have a list of general criteria that must be met for a good stable relationship to come about from. If a specific woman doesn't meet that criteria, it has nothing to do with her being beneath me on some subjective ideal of gradation, it just means that I'm certain the relationship wouldn't work out and that one or both parties would inevitably be hurt in the end of which I can already predict and avoid by not getting involved in the first place. I'm often more right in my predictions than I'd like to be, so I'll always take preference to choosing aloneness to do my own life thing when I suspect a relationship wouldn't work out with a woman, rather than risk her heart out of the human curiosity that I might be wrong and missing something wonderful.

From my perspective, it doesn't baffle me at all to see couples that outwardly seem out of place as it's perfectly possible that they accept and compliment each other very well in ways that cannot be seen by passing eyes. What other's might judge as one of two having a lack of proper standards while viewing a couple, may very well be a couple that has found their ideal match within each other.

I wasn't saying your lifestyle is. I was saying the phrasing - ". I've found that the most efficient way of getting inside someone mentally is to first get inside them physically." read that way (allbeit a poorly chosen way on my end of communicating - i actually came back to this post to delete it if i could)..i know nothing about your lifestyle and wasn't sure if you were joking, nor do i care what you do between consenting adults. My reply was exclusively about the bolded sentence.
And no, i've never trolled before.

What, no! I don't mind waiting at all, maybe I didn't express myself well.

Your lifestyle is fine, but you don't seem to think the same about other people's lifesyles. You talk like people who don't sleep around on the first date are prudish.

I'd rather stay single than settle for someone I wouldn't feel honored to have as my partner.

It's vacuously true that I had sex on every first date I've gone out on so far.

^I think you are in the wrong thread lol.

Why?

Because your comment has nothing to do with the topic, granted your not the first one who's gone off topic as there are other posters on about how soon they have sex with someone they meet.

If anything, I've realized I should have raised my standards a long time ago, lol! And I'm not talking about physical attributes or trivial things. I'm talking about personal traits and ethics, goodness as opposed to being a criminal etc, and compatibility as people.

I've realized that if it's ever again going to be genuinely worth my while to change things to accommodate a relationship, it's gonna have to be worth it and then some. Because I've been badly burned; I let someone very unworthy (by which I don't mean trivial things, I mean someone abusive and shady) near-ruin my life last time out.

I don't want there to be a next time, but if anyone does happen to come along, I'll be examining the situation FAR more than I've ever done before, because I'm not going to let sh!t happen again. I'm raising my standards and taking my own deal breakers seriously should I ever be having to do so again. He's going to have to be a friggin' saint.

Other than that, the drawbridge is up, I'm happier alone than in something that's bad.

Thread Title: Is anyone lowering their standards or willing to settle?



The Thread is about lowering standards, and mine have been lowered, so from my point of view there has been no deviation from the Thread's original purpose.

In terms of being willing to settle?
Well I've already settled into many relationships, however as I am polyamorous, I am in the unique position of both being comfortably settled and still in pursuit of new relationships.



I'm still not sure how that makes me Sociopathic, but if it helps I will try to explain that sentence in a little more detail.

I have had sex with a lot of men/women, even before I officially became a Companion/Escort, I'd already had sex with hundreds of men and well over a thousand women. There are a lot of reasons for why I have so much sex, part of it is running away from bad memories, part of it is curious exploration, but most of all it's this city.

The City of Edinburgh's main attractions are scenic historical landmarks, of which there are well over a hundred. Besides that, there are a few cinema's, fewer bowling alleys, and one arcade. The biggest pastime in this city however is getting drunk (I don't drink alcohol) and having lots of sex. Most of the time it's too cold to go anywhere or do anything. In recent years the Edinburgh Gaming Hub opened up, that's been exciting, but it's a little late to change my ways now.

I mentioned exploration earlier on, this is because I obsessed with mapping the human condition, Philosophy, psychology, sociology ect. These are all major interests of mine, in the same way that some of us like rocks, string or anything else, that is my interest. So far I'm mastered Autism, Psychopathy, Sociopathy, among others, the only real challenge left is the one that connects them all, Neuraltypicals, the secrets behind the human condition.

When I sleep with new people I'm killing about seven different birds with one stone. Sleeping with someone is the fastest and most efficient way to intimacy with that person, and with it comes truth and understanding. Hopefully I'll be able to form a connection with this person, and then we can really create something special together, we can become friends.

My means may seem duplicitous on the surface, but my intentions are honest and pure. As I have mention before, I am a very pragmatic realist, and though the world has jaded my view, I remain at my core a devout Idealist. Albeit a very complicated one, but then most people aren't as two dimensional as we believe them to be...

Idealist the way i read the original sentence.it sounded like i sleep with someone since it's the quickest way to get into their mind...as in manipulating them. Which.. really bothered me.

The follow up you wrote though doesn't sound that way at all, and i now understand what you meant. Thank you for clarifying; yet more so since you didn't have to.

That's a good point.

I kind of lowered my standards when it comes to distance. I use to only want to be with someone if they lived very close, but it doesn't matter to me as much to me now.

In a way, I did lower my standards significantly.

My standards were extremely high and bordering on perfectionist, only because I do not like to mess around and only want the best of the best when it comes to finding someone for me.

I come across as an extremely tolerant and accepting guy, and for the most part I am, it's just secretly inside I am quite intolerant of many different kinds of people, and would only want to befriend/get to know a very, very limited range of people based upon my own overly-strict criteria, meaning I had very few friends and found it very hard to relate to most other people.

I was capable of diverse different range of aqcuaintances but if anyone wanted to get beyond that and become friends, I'd weed them out and narrow it down very quickly.

I have since learnt to care about and accept all different types of people and believe most to all people have a role in this world and contribute in some way. Even people who are rude, selfish, aggressive, arrogant, etc. still have a place in this world. Even criminals or people who do immoral things do - without knowing what 'bad' and 'evil' is, how would we know what 'good' is?

I've started seeking people another way - instead of being choosy, I still narrow-people down, but a different way.

I find it hard to relate to most other people, so what I simply do is be completely honest about my personality and who I am (without listing my negative traits) to narrow it down - it's not that I narrow down who I pay attention to, I narrow down who pays attention to me.

Usually means I get very little attention though considering my age. The way I type is long, expressive and verbose, and on dating sites I still type like this in profiles. I admit my typing is long to them and that this is just the way I am and that I hate textspeak and like to express myself.

On one particular dating site while most people got at least 5-8 likes, I got just 4, one of them being a pedo. I tried to message one of the girls on there but she lost interest quickly.

So the question for me isn't if I'm willing to 'lower my standards' or settle, but will I be able to find someone who accepts me for me? I get quite a bit of attention for my looks, it's the personality that drives them all away.

Maybe slightly, and no not really.

I'm a little more open to variation from my prefect ideals in a partner & more accepting of others' "flaws," (or variations from my perfectionist ideals of aesthetic appearance) but there is no way that I would ever settle. ie I might be open to someone with a bit of a different appearance than I would find ideal, but there is no chance that I am going to settle for anyone that I don't feel a real connection with.

I have no regrets about declining offers to date in the past as I didn't feel a connection with any of them. The few I would have dated weren't that into me. That's life.

I'd rather carry on doing one of two things, either getting laid pretty well whenever I feel like it, or not getting laid because I don't feel like it and would rather spend my time with friends, or learning, or doing something fun, going to the beach or mountains, or simply getting more sleep. In the past, it's been more of the former (with no regrets) but over the last year or so it's been a heck of a lot more of the latter (also no regrets) and both serve their purposes just fine. I've been a lot more social, attended a lot more parties etc in the last year, but hooked up with far fewer people - by choice - as I'm kind of at a stage of life where I'd prefer to find a connection with someone vs. just a hookup. In part because I'm growing up and maturing, in part because I feel a whole lot better about being able to contribute positively to a relationship vs. feeling like I'd be a burden when my mental state wasn't so balanced years ago, and in part due to the influence of so many coupled friends - no that they put one ounce of pressure on me, just that I look to what they have in their lives and I'd rather eventually have that for myself.

However, all that said, I have no timeline or agenda or expiry date etc. When it happens, it happens, and it has to feel right or else I'd just as gladly carry on being single for years/decades vs. ever settle for someone I didn't truly feel a connection to. There are 7+ BILLION people on the planet.. why settle for being with one you don't truly feel a mutual connection with?

There are other pursuits besides relationships, ie career/art/science/engineering/some other self actualization - and I will pursue my own goals whether in or out of a relationship. Although, I do feel that in my case a relationship wouldn't be a distraction from my other goals, but rather that it would be a catalyst to motivate me towards achieving them. I know myself and I know that I can do anything I set my mind to.. but that I tend to follow through and do things best when I'm doing them out of love for someone else. It's love for others that motivates me, personally. So, if I were in a relationship where I truly loved someone I know I would be able to use that force to guide me towards accomplishing my other goals in life and that would be just great. In the meantime, though, I still plug away on my goals.. I just use my love for other people as my motivation. ie family/friends/God kids - I put myself in a frame of mind that I'd do anything for these people, and thus can tough it out and complete anything I need to no matter how challenging. Eventually I'd like to add a partner into my life that I feel the same way about - and that's when I know I'll have met my match, too - well, so long as it's a mutual feeling between us.

To the OP: I think you need to feel happy and content in your solitude before others will feel attracted to you. If you're truly content going it alone, others will see a happy you and want to be around you. It sounds like you may not be very happy going it alone, and others pick up on that vibe, and subconsciously avoid codependent people who "need" them to feel happiness. Focus on yourself and enjoying your own company and your own time. As cliche as it sounds, it's not until we truly love ourselves until others can love us, too.

Can relate to this part.... (I think I have "personality dysmorphic disorder")