Getting a girlfriend feels like an impossible task

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I'm not afraid to call them out personally, I do it all the time. In this case I was giving a general advice.

Anyway I was not talking about women, I think I see a general tendency to be mean to single guys and I was talking about it.

Careful there, Marsh.

To focus back on the OP's post:

there are a lot of attributes that are attractive in both sexes:

warmth
kindness
genuineness
courtesy
respect
pleasantness of manner
willingness to listen
being open to difference
tolerance
appreciation
attention
thoughtfulness
generosity
interest in others

conversely there are attributes which are never attractive

seeing/using another person as a means to an end
using another person as an adjunct or a commodity
stereotyping people before you take time to get to know them
judging people on superficial things
commenting adversely on their likes, interests, dress, food tastes, beliefs
correcting people's grammar, vocabulary
telling people they are wrong
embarrassing people, pointing out any perceived fault
failing to include people in decisions re dates etc
being unkempt and ungroomed
taking liberties - being too familiar with relative strangers, assuming others will pay for you
lack of equality
lack of respect
sexism, all the isms
being inconsiderate, cancelling dates at the last minute, showing up uninvited, ignoring boundaries, criticising someone's opinion as if it was life or death..
monopolising the conversation (treat it like a tennis game, take turns)

There isn't just minor thing eg "something you learn to do". That's the Pick Up Artist approach, which earns women's absolute contempt. It's more about becoming the kind of person who is attractive to others generally. It's not about being handsome, rich, having a degree or any of things that young men so often seem to think makes it impossible to find a girlfriend. Confidence is very attractive in both sexes to potential partners, as is lovely smile (even if you aren't blessed with a beautiful face). One final tip: people may forget what you say at an encounter, but they never ever forget how you made them feel. So don't make them feel less than you in any way.. however justified you think that might be. That's doomed to see you alone for a long time. Good luck

Where you started off by saying "Getting a girlfriend ..."

A person "gets" a new car. A person "gets" a new house. A person "gets" a new laptop.

Cars, houses, and laptops are objects. By "getting" them, you acquire them, as if the acquisition of these objects is an end to itself.

How about considering the concept of "Establishing a meaningful and mutually supportive relationship with the right woman"?

A relationship is about possession though. That's why you hear: "Keep your eyes off of my man." "My girl is hot." You're explicitly entering the relationship to take your significant other off the market, away from other competitors.* If that's not possession I don't know what is. Of course that's not even mentioning the historical aspect of marriage being in the purview of property law.

I completely agree about mutual respect, but humans are greedy little creatures that see ownership in everything, it's part of having a giant brain focused on ego.** I see your statement as more the way the logical brain would interpret it, and the ideal way people should see their relationships, but I don't think people actually do see their relationships that way. That in essence is what jealousy in a relationship is about: fear of losing your possession.

*obviously there are disclaimers (open-relationship etc), but my autism is tired therefor my capacity for listing data is shot at the moment.

**obviously not everyone, but most. I hate disclaimers...

Possession is more of a factor after a relationship has reached a mutual commitment stage. Prior to that, there is (or should be IMO) an explorative phase where the dominant aim is to find out "is this person a good match for me"? Having a few dates with someone and combining that with a possessive attitude of entitlement from the start is another recipe for shooting yourself in the foot.. people pick up on it, as a warning sign of a controlling personality and generally make tracks in the opposite direction.

Ugh, that's just being silly. "Getting a partner" is a very common phrase that's not meant to be taken literally, and it's a hell of a lot more convenient than your example.

A beautiful video where an old man looks back on his relationship, reflecting that love and loving mutually in support and celebration of one another is the most important, and meaningful thing of all.

Mutual emotional support is one of the most beautiful elements of a truly loving relationship:

http://www.higherperspectives.com/impor ... .html?c=ss

some of us simply lack kindred spirits to pair up with, we were born on the wrong planet.

Well said, sir.

AB, there are millions of us on the worldwide wrong planet, and for both kinds of planetarians, it's about finding a good match and identifying places where that is more likely to happen.

Tony Attwood made the very interesting observation that ASD women tend to form relationships with ASD men, not NTs, whereas ASD men more often seek to form relationships with NT women, not ASD women. His view is that this is because the men want or need NT wives to navigate the NT social world for them, like a wingperson. If an ASD woman marries an NT man, he may expect her to navigate their "social world" on behalf of the two of them, as many NT wives do, and that could cause her enormous stress. As I usually do, I think Attwood is perceptive in his reasoning and observation.

So if you are an ASD man wanting to meet ASD women, consider hanging out in groups focused on things like animal well-being and rescue, nature, wildlife, insects, books etc which are central interests for many ASD women, environmental groups probably are another place that ASD women might be find in higher numbers than expected, and anything to do with cats. If you already have that kind of interest, then starting from a point of common interest is a big headstart.

Thank you for sharing this information B19.

It allows me to make sense of some 'choices' I made in the past.

I believe that was behind the blow-up of my one and only short-lived relationship which belatedly happened almost when I was too old to do anything about it.

Yep. Feeling you possess someone without them agreeing to it just makes you a stalker and the creepy kind at that.

And would you deign to say the same thing when a woman talks about "getting a boyfriend" as if a boyfriend is an object to be acquired? Sounds like you're attempting to be a chivalrous white knight when you know damn well what he's talking about(establishing an intimate relationship with a woman).

It seems like some people just want to read "objectification" into everything. It's getting ridiculous. And Bluelaggongirl is a troll (Katy).