Why am I unattractive?

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ZD
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17 May 2016, 9:30 am

Alliekit wrote:

Besides I think NDs can be more picky in apperance sometimes because we know exactly what we want and struggle to compromise

Defiantly

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rdos
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17 May 2016, 9:34 am

Alliekit wrote:

NT men aren't these big mean guys who only value sex and apperance. They too appreciate itelligence and creativity much like ND men. Alot of then are annoyed by women who dumb themselves down.

Sure, NT men do value some kinds of smartness in women, namely social smartness, but they don't value the nerdy-type of smartness a lot. Some NT women value nerdiness in men, but that is mostly because these traits can build careers, and thus are predictors of high status and income.

Alliekit wrote:

Besides I think NDs can be more picky in apperance sometimes because we know exactly what we want and struggle to compromise

Count me out of that. :mrgreen:

sly279
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17 May 2016, 9:51 am

hurtloam wrote:

I still feel like there must be something inherently unattractive about me though.

Men just see me as nothing and I don't really believe that will ever change. I'm sick of hoping and just getting hurt

I know I don't matter but I don't see you has nothing.

kraftiekortie
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17 May 2016, 9:59 am

I've known NT people who value, in woman, what I've stated.

boofle
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17 May 2016, 10:02 am

rdos wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

Intelligence, assertiveness, creativity, flexibility.

I'm a sapiosexual. I get turned on by intelligence.

One time, I became sexually excited through a woman talking about macroeconomics.

Another time, I found it hot when I saw Condoleeza Rice playing the piano.

You are not NT, so you cannot say which preferences are typical of NTs based on your own preferences.

Also, assertiveness in women is clearly not a NT preference. Just look at the link hurtloam presented before which claimed that NT women wanted men to keep eye-contact longer than them, which is a sign of NT women being less assertive than NT men, and that they even have this built-in to their nonverbal communication.

I also prefer women that are smart and creative, but I'm not NT either, so it doesn't mean NTs work like that.

you are no more the arbiter on all things ASD than you are on NTs. no one is. both sides of the coin are on a spectrum if one considers, for a moment. no two people are the same so less labeling would probably be the better position, i would have said?

as usual i may count on your posts to make non sense, to me...

rdos wrote:

you've already made clear that you're not an NT and yet you are speaking so authoritatively on something you know nothing about?

Cafeaulait
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17 May 2016, 10:55 am

Research shows men SAY they like intelligent women, but in fact they do not.

DancingCorpse
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17 May 2016, 11:11 am

Well you're more attractive than you think, you don't sound like a person who anyone could simply sweep away as unattractive, I don't think your question is a good reflection on your feelings, I am sure you are swell, your struggles don't equate to you being an unattractive human.

kraftiekortie
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17 May 2016, 11:43 am

I'm not research. I dislike women who want to seem dumb when they're really smart.

BTDT
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17 May 2016, 12:20 pm

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/men ... 6a900ed2aa

I thought I'd meet lots of people smarter than me when I went to a good school--didn't happen.

hurtloam
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17 May 2016, 2:11 pm

rdos wrote:

Also, assertiveness in women is clearly not a NT preference. Just look at the link hurtloam presented before which claimed that NT women wanted men to keep eye-contact longer than them, which is a sign of NT women being less assertive than NT men, and that they even have this built-in to their nonverbal communication.

Ah, I actually took that to be a form of communication. He needs to keep looking after she looks away, to see if she looks back again because if she looks back again she has some interest in him. If he doesn't keep looking, he will have no idea whether she looked over at him again or not.

rdos
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17 May 2016, 2:44 pm

hurtloam wrote:

Ah, I actually took that to be a form of communication. He needs to keep looking after she looks away, to see if she looks back again because if she looks back again she has some interest in him.

He doesn't. You can do that without direct eye contact. Staring someone down is a dominance display. Also, the best way (as a guy) to keep out of trouble with gangs of young men is to avoid eye contact, because it is when these guys challenge you with that, and you show insecurity towards them, that things get dangerous. That's also a dominance game.

hurtloam wrote:

If he doesn't keep looking, he will have no idea whether she looked over at him again or not.

Hint: You do that by studying them in the corner of your eye.

rdos
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17 May 2016, 2:56 pm

BTDT wrote:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/men-like-the-idea-of-a-smart-woman-but-they-may-not-be-interested-in-dating-one_us_5627a564e4b02f6a900ed2aa

I thought I'd meet lots of people smarter than me when I went to a good school--didn't happen.

Good point. This clearly shows that NT men do not particularly enjoy smart women, and that they challenge their maleness. Of course, this cannot be generalized to all men, and particularly not to ND men.

sly279
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17 May 2016, 5:43 pm

hurtloam wrote:

rdos wrote:

But if she's not interested then she'll be creeped out and look over again to see if the creep is still looking at her.

I've learned every single sign of flirting also has a whole other thing it can be. From the above or just a friendly person.

I have no idea if lady at work interest in me. She probably isn't like most if not all women .

hurtloam
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17 May 2016, 10:30 pm

rdos wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

Ah, I actually took that to be a form of communication. He needs to keep looking after she looks away, to see if she looks back again because if she looks back again she has some interest in him.

hurtloam wrote:

If he doesn't keep looking, he will have no idea whether she looked over at him again or not.

Hint: You do that by studying them in the corner of your eye.

Stupid captcha. My whole response was erased! My point was primarily we use our eyes to look at things that interest us. It's easier to see the subject if we directly look at said subject.

Last edited by hurtloam on 18 May 2016, 1:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

hurtloam
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17 May 2016, 10:43 pm

rdos wrote:

BTDT wrote:

It's really not right to label NT men as being the sole test subjects of this study. You don't know whether Nd men are included. We are sometimes wandering into the realms of NT discrimination and generalising on this thread and that's really against the rules and also bigoted...

Let me quote the last paragraph from Huffpost. Tldr

Quote:

Of course, these findings don’t mean that all or even most men are threatened by smart women. This study just adds to decades of literature on gender dynamics which suggests that, as a whole, there are a lot of icky complications around confidence and power wrapped up in heterosexual attraction. More research needs to be done until there are any practical implications.

In the meantime, it’s probably not a bad idea for threatened men to do a little soul-searching and think about why they might be intimidated by smart women.

I find the older men are more impressed by my intelligence. A kind of embarrassing thing is that most men who work with men tend to blush when they talk to me. I don't know if younger automatically equals attractive anyway, but I don't find that men are less attracted to me when they discover my problem solving skills and intelligence.

Although even younger men than me have been known to like me even after me challenging them with my intelligence, but then they have known me long enough to have had me be kind to them and help them, so they know that I'm not just an abrasive know it all.

Why am I single...? All these men are married.

Sorry, my syntax in this post is awful. I'm typing at 4:30 am

rdos
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18 May 2016, 2:07 am

sly279 wrote:

But if she's not interested then she'll be creeped out and look over again to see if the creep is still looking at her.

Before she does that she will have told her friends about you, and then there is quite likely some giggling going on, and if you notice that, you just back out of it. Because if it is genuine interest, then she won't discuss it with her friends (at least not while you are there). Also, if she is alone, she is not likely to look back again if she thinks you are a creep.

sly279 wrote:

I've learned every single sign of flirting also has a whole other thing it can be. From the above or just a friendly person.

It's not enough to only learn the signs, you need to put them into context too. If they giggle and discuss you, then you know you should back-out, no matter what. Serious girl-talk about a guy never goes on while the guy is there. This only happens if they are creeped out.

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