Is it possible to date using this site?

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frozensoul
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20 May 2016, 4:28 am

I would not get your hopes up. Given the male to female ratio I think it would be nearly impossible to find a girl who is single on this form. Even then she has plenty of offers. Also most of the girls on this form prefer to date NT as an insult to us aspies.



314pe
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20 May 2016, 4:31 am

nurseangela wrote:
314pe wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
314pe wrote:
Thanks! Didn't know someone so similar to me could exist. She's the female equivalent of me. It's really great to have someone who not only accepts you, but also motivates you to improve.


Is good to have someone behind you who believes in you. How'd you two meet?

I went to my friend's wedding. She's a good friend of the bride. They (my friend and his wife) knew we're similar so they arranged us four to meet before the wedding. Later he said they didn't think it would work out so well for us.


You're lucky you went. Guys don't usually like going to weddings that aren't their own. That's great. You give other Aspie guys hope.

I know. I don't like weddings either. I'm really bad at dancing and I don't enjoy it at all, but I really like meeting new people so I decided to go.



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20 May 2016, 7:01 am

Chichikov wrote:

My current girlfriend is on the site also...


I will paraphrase and quote two posts I made in other threads to help me respond to you.

Original threads here and here: viewtopic.php?t=318788

viewtopic.php?t=318700

Things in bold have been additions/revisions:

Quote:
...having a satisfying social life and getting it quickly whisked away from you is far worse than being a loner.

...Just my opinion.

...As of this moment I have no friends near me to spend time with, aside from friends online who I used to live in the same city as but have since moved.

...Every good friend I made in high school has since betrayed me and now I'm left to continue to wallow in my solitude.

...At the very least having more friends could open me up to meeting more people (mutual friends/friends of friends) but I do not have that right now...

...But what's experience if you suffer consistent social rejection (for friends and relationships) and it takes a toll on your confidence and self-esteem rather than strengthen it?

...I have real-life experiences, at the cost of frequent rejection.

...in my senior year I had the same thing [high exposure to meet others my age], and no matter how hard I tried still failed, or felt the same as the OP and didn't feel interested in getting to know the majority of my peers (some personality types just aren't compatible).

...At the very least I volunteer 1-2 days a week, I guess.

...I've covered everything. If anything I spend too much time on self-improvement (remember the saying, "Too much of a 'good' thing is a 'bad' thing?". That applies for self-improvement as well, imho), which has ironically helped me develop the attitude I'm wasting my life, because if I'm not self-improving myself in absolutely every way (including social life) almost all the time, what's the point of living?

I spend great deal of time on my interests, I volunteer, I don't study yet but I will soon, I eat healthy and exercise, I meditate or use aromatherapy to control my temper. I read philosophy and psychology and have just about mapped every detail, every piece of both my concious and subconcious personality.

I'm done 'knowing' myself for now, at least until i enter the adult-world, [which will of course also help me discover new things about myself as I undergo new experiences] I want to know SOMEONE ELSE, other people.

You know that excited feeling when you discover new things about yourself you never knew? I know it all [for now] and I'm bored, time to move on to someone else.

...I have little reason to leave the house and there's no interesting clubs or groups here.

...So perhaps it is completely understandable...that perhaps we don't spend all hours of our day on our hobbies/interests and there may be at least an hour or so each day where we might feel extremely lonely and depressed, [when we're not spending the rest of our time and energy on our job, hobbies, interests, exercise, eating, sleeping and caring about our hygiene].

Such time that could have actually been spent hanging out with others who care about you and make you happy.


and...

Quote:
Backstory:

1. We both used to have a crush on each other back in high school, at the same time nonetheless.

2. She was forced to drop-out of high school and move far away to live with relatives.

3. I sent a message revealing my feelings...

4. To my surprise, she really did like me back in the past...

5. She established she only sees me as a friend now...

...We have since begun talking again.

...I doubt she feels the same and I don't know what to do.

...I do secretly hope someday our connection will become so strong she'll develop feelings back, but would be satisfied if that never happens.

...Otherwise, I do still feel quite frustrated, confused and depressed to be going through this.

...I want to move on and meet new girls my age but have no way of doing so



Claradoon
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20 May 2016, 7:08 am

Didn't we used to have a Dating Site as part of WrongPlanet? I remember joining just to support at the beginning.



kraftiekortie
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20 May 2016, 7:28 am

We had a dating site within the "old" WrongPlanet.

It became unpopular because it really was inferior to the Site itself.



frozensoul
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20 May 2016, 7:31 am

Claradoon wrote:
Didn't we used to have a Dating Site as part of WrongPlanet? I remember joining just to support at the beginning.


I bet it was a giant sausages fast



Beau
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20 May 2016, 12:20 pm

frozensoul wrote:
...Even then she has plenty of offers.


Don't make assumptions.

Quote:
Also most of the girls on this form prefer to date NT as an insult to us aspies.


Really? :roll:


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Jacoby
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20 May 2016, 1:45 pm

Possible but unlikely seems like the best answer, I don't know how anybody gets somebody to fall in love with them from their posts but I imagine it probably it is more one pursues the other than something completely organic. I am not one for blowing smoke up ones butt(I think that's called flirting :nerdy: ) and there is such a ratio of male to female on this site that there isn't any shortage of guys who will which honestly creeps me out at it at times. I'd probably more likely avoid responding to female posters in a casual or friendly way to avoid that appearance and as well to avoid people I see actually doing that. I'm not up for any competitions.

Maybe someone signs up here that lives nearby, other than that I don't see it as a realistic avenue.



slw1990
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20 May 2016, 4:11 pm

nurseangela wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
I dated someone here a while back, but it didn't last long.


You did? (NT gossip time :mrgreen: ) So are they still on this site? Were they in your state? Why did it end? They were Aspie too, I take it?


I don't think they are on here anymore. They didn't live in the same state as me, they lived almost 1,000 miles away. I'm not exactly sure why it ended, but we did have trouble communicating to each other. Yes, they were aspie too.



Last edited by slw1990 on 20 May 2016, 4:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

sly279
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20 May 2016, 4:34 pm

nurseangela wrote:
314pe wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
314pe wrote:
Thanks! Didn't know someone so similar to me could exist. She's the female equivalent of me. It's really great to have someone who not only accepts you, but also motivates you to improve.


Is good to have someone behind you who believes in you. How'd you two meet?

I went to my friend's wedding. She's a good friend of the bride. They (my friend and his wife) knew we're similar so they arranged us four to meet before the wedding. Later he said they didn't think it would work out so well for us.


You're lucky you went. Guys don't usually like going to weddings that aren't their own. That's great. You give other Aspie guys hope.


no one I know has got married since I turned 18. I'm not opposed to weddings
Seems like a opportunity to dress up.



nurseangela
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20 May 2016, 4:50 pm

Chichikov wrote:
Outrider wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Not likely to happen.


No, it just is not going to happen.

It's so statistically and improbably unlikely, that it just won't.

If the odds are essentially 6 in 30,000, it'll take another 30,000 users and 12 years before 6 more end up in relationships.

WP has multiple dating oriented threads (e.g. Eligible Odd Bods/Asperger's Single's List) and has seen minimal results.

There have been hundreds, if not tens of thousands of threads in this section where people have tried to meet someone else on here or icebreakers for meeting others, and they have seen mini-scule results.

Nick007 and his girlfriend are the ONLY existing LTR on this entire websites history that is not a long-distance relationship.

There was one other couple, but I'm not sure if they actually met each other on WP.

The other few, are typically long-distance.

If the OP can deal with that, his chances increase dramatically, but not much more.

Kind of like if someone only wants to be a famous movie star instead decides they just want to be famous in general, for anything.


My current girlfriend is on the site also, however we didn't "meet" here but on another forum. I've met my last three girlfriends on forums, like a lot of you probably I'm better with the written word, especially when it is someone I don't know very well. When meeting people in-person I can often get tongue tied and struggle to have a decent conversation but I don't have those issues on-line, and once I know the person sufficiently well it makes meeting them in person easier, and you go from there.

Do I meet women by moaning about how lonely I am and throwing myself a pity party? No, as mentioned the vast majority of women do not find that attractive at all, they find it quite off-putting. Especially NT women. I'm not saying it is impossible to find a woman like that, but you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Being intelligent and having something to say, and also having a good sense of humour all helps. Also "chasing" women rarely helps either, just give things time and let any potential friendships develop naturally. There are no sure fire ways to start relationships, no magic bullets I'm afraid, it is mainly time and luck but you can certain do things that help your case or damage it so try and err more toward the things that help. Being independent helps, having a car and a job, a disposable income, hitting the gym and so on. The simple fact of the matter is that you don't have a 'right' to have a girlfriend, the more things going against you the harder it is, it's that simple. The more you can do to better yourself the easier it becomes, that's just a fact of life you need to face. Rather than moaning about how bad your lot is, use that energy to better yourself instead.


^THIS. :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:


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Tim_Tex
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21 May 2016, 8:05 am

Many couples met on WP, but it shouldn't be your primary reason for being here.


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21 May 2016, 8:07 am

frozensoul wrote:
Claradoon wrote:
Didn't we used to have a Dating Site as part of WrongPlanet? I remember joining just to support at the beginning.


I bet it was a giant sausages fast


And rife with scammers and all sorts of programming errors.


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21 May 2016, 9:17 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
Many couples met on WP, but it shouldn't be your primary reason for being here.


Off-topic, but did you know Tim Tex that you are the ULTIMATE veteran user of WP, aside from alex himself?

I'm serious!

If you actually look at the WP member's list, you'll see that you're the only user who started their account in 2004 who is still active today (again, aside from alex).

So, oh mighty veteran, in all your years of using this site, have you had a single relationship from it, online, long-distance or otherwise?



Unfortunate_Aspie_
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21 May 2016, 2:52 pm

frozensoul wrote:
I would not get your hopes up. Given the male to female ratio I think it would be nearly impossible to find a girl who is single on this form. Even then she has plenty of offers. Also most of the girls on this form prefer to date NT as an insult to us aspies.

Most prefer to date NTs ... and then you add "as an insult to us aspies" <- making it sound like the kind of females that would be on here aren't aspies either. Yeah Ok.

Also, just to refute your claim- I'm autistic & female and NO I wouldn't "preferentially date NT guys".

However, that being said- I wouldn't use this as your (in the general sense) sole platform to meet people- or your main one either tbh.