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What I'm doing wrong?

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kraftiekortie
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09 Jun 2016, 5:29 pm

He's only "superior" in those two aspects you mentioned.

You're probably superior to HIM in some aspects, too.

And looks is relative, anyway, a lot of the time.



hurtloam
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09 Jun 2016, 5:31 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
OK, while we're at it, I have another confession. I was so upset when I started to think he didn't like me back and I felt so ashamed of myself for liking someone so obviously out of my league and I didn't want anyone to think I was so pathetic, I've started a rumour that I like somebody else.

The someone else is not someone he knows and who doesnt fancy me, so I figured it was a safe cover.

Which is in itself quite pathetic.


That's screwing-up number II.

Good job!

Honestly, If I was the guy I would have lost interest.


I really don't think he was that interested to begin with. This way I save face and no one will know I've been a complete mess around him over the past few months.

On the plus side I've lost loads of weight with all the stress!



r00tb33r
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09 Jun 2016, 5:34 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Get this through your thick skull LOL

NOBODY'S OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE!

What makes this guy superior to you?

Um, yeah.

I've known girls so perfect that I knew that I would just frustrate myself if I tried. There aren't that many girls in most engineering programs in college, so... There was one that got us all. We had a gentleman's agreement between the guys that she's off-limits. There would be too much jealousy otherwise. She didn't date anyone from the department.



The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Jun 2016, 5:36 pm

hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
OK, while we're at it, I have another confession. I was so upset when I started to think he didn't like me back and I felt so ashamed of myself for liking someone so obviously out of my league and I didn't want anyone to think I was so pathetic, I've started a rumour that I like somebody else.

The someone else is not someone he knows and who doesnt fancy me, so I figured it was a safe cover.

Which is in itself quite pathetic.


That's screwing-up number II.

Good job!

Honestly, If I was the guy I would have lost interest.


I really don't think he was that interested to begin with. This way I save face and no one will know I've been a complete mess around him over the past few months.

On the plus side I've lost loads of weight with all the stress!


Well...maybe you don't really want him?

I mean, you so hated the activity he invited you to it to the point of telling him that to his face, you probably should question whether you two are really compatible.

In my opinion, this might be beyond repair now.

Just try to invite him one more time, if that doesn't work then it's time to cut your losses and retreat.

And go for the rumor-guy, I believe you like him too, I don't think you would pick a random guy for that.



hurtloam
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09 Jun 2016, 5:49 pm

I do like him. I think to myself, OK, I'm determined to move on but then he does something or says something clever, or funny, or just something I admire and he makes me smile and I fall a little bit more.

I feel like I'm trapped in a box with transparent walls and I can't create relationships with other people. And I hammer against the walls, but can't get out.



hurtloam
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10 Jun 2016, 12:01 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Honestly, If I was the guy I would have lost interest.


I gave up about a month ago. And cried and cried and cried till I made myself ill. From now forward I see my role as damage control, saving face and getting over him.

Now I'm surveying what I did wrong and trying to learn from my mistakes for future reference.

I feel like how upset I am is just overthetop and I don't want anyone to know how emotional this has made me, that's why I started talking about the other guy. So that no one would know how stupid I am.

It just hurts and I'm sick of crying.



hurtloam
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10 Jun 2016, 12:29 am

I keep feeling like i'm going to find out any time soon that he's going out with someone else. That always seems to happen, I realise I like someone, think they like me back, realise they don't and then they meet someone they want.

I feel like there are so many single women around that guys can have anyone they want. And they never want me.



The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Jun 2016, 1:21 am

hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Honestly, If I was the guy I would have lost interest.


I gave up about a month ago. And cried and cried and cried till I made myself ill. From now forward I see my role as damage control, saving face and getting over him.

Now I'm surveying what I did wrong and trying to learn from my mistakes for future reference.

I feel like how upset I am is just overthetop and I don't want anyone to know how emotional this has made me, that's why I started talking about the other guy. So that no one would know how stupid I am.

It just hurts and I'm sick of crying.


I mean that I would have lost interest because, in that exact scenario, I would have strongly thought that she doesn't like me.



r00tb33r
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10 Jun 2016, 1:39 am

hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Honestly, If I was the guy I would have lost interest.


I gave up about a month ago. And cried and cried and cried till I made myself ill. From now forward I see my role as damage control, saving face and getting over him.

Now I'm surveying what I did wrong and trying to learn from my mistakes for future reference.

I feel like how upset I am is just overthetop and I don't want anyone to know how emotional this has made me, that's why I started talking about the other guy. So that no one would know how stupid I am.

It just hurts and I'm sick of crying.

Now ask yourself this, would anyone ever want a relationship where you aren't allowed to make a mistake?
So you made a mistake, fine. Fix it. Now, if he doesn't let you fix it then you should know that it was only a matter of time before something happened that you weren't allowed to fix.

Is he someone who will let you make mistakes? ("Yes" means "good")



hurtloam
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10 Jun 2016, 1:46 am

Oh! That's a good point.

I've got a hang up from years ago when I made one mistake and the guy decided to go out with someone else instead. I was supposed to meet up with him and couldn't make it. I think he felt I'd stood him up. Next thing I knew, he was going out with someone else.

I never really got over that. I always feel like if I screw up the man will be gone

It just so difficult.



The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Jun 2016, 2:08 am

hurtloam wrote:
Oh! That's a good point.

I've got a hang up from years ago when I made one mistake and the guy decided to go out with someone else instead. I was supposed to meet up with him and couldn't make it. I think he felt I'd stood him up. Next thing I knew, he was going out with someone else.

I never really got over that. I always feel like if I screw up the man will be gone

It just so difficult.


When you couldn't make it to go to the date, did you call the guy, apologized, and specified another day for the date?

People do make mistakes, but some mistakes simply can't be digested, especially in very early stages of dating.



rdos
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10 Jun 2016, 2:12 am

r00tb33r wrote:
Now ask yourself this, would anyone ever want a relationship where you aren't allowed to make a mistake?
So you made a mistake, fine. Fix it. Now, if he doesn't let you fix it then you should know that it was only a matter of time before something happened that you weren't allowed to fix.

Is he someone who will let you make mistakes? ("Yes" means "good")


Very good point. Every relationship should have some early screw-ups like this to check if they can and will fix it or not. Not making an attempt to fix mistakes is a huge turn-off, and a big red flag. It probably means they won't put down any effort in it later either.

Still, hurtloam will need to let him know she made a mistake and fix it, otherwise he cannot know that she cares to fix her own screw-ups.



314pe
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10 Jun 2016, 3:49 am

hurtloam wrote:
OK. I will invite him to one more thing. And that's it.

When you meet, tell him that you like him.



hurtloam
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10 Jun 2016, 7:07 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Oh! That's a good point.

I've got a hang up from years ago when I made one mistake and the guy decided to go out with someone else instead. I was supposed to meet up with him and couldn't make it. I think he felt I'd stood him up. Next thing I knew, he was going out with someone else.

I never really got over that. I always feel like if I screw up the man will be gone

It just so difficult.


When you couldn't make it to go to the date, did you call the guy, apologized, and specified another day for the date?

People do make mistakes, but some mistakes simply can't be digested, especially in very early stages of dating.


This was 12 years ago, so my memory is hazy, I can't remember if I text him or not. Probably not. I was very shy back then. I definitely didn't organise a definite next time. Other people were going to the outing as well, so he wasn't left alone, so I don't think I saw the need to tell him I wasn't going.



hurtloam
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10 Jun 2016, 7:08 am

rdos wrote:
r00tb33r wrote:
Now ask yourself this, would anyone ever want a relationship where you aren't allowed to make a mistake?
So you made a mistake, fine. Fix it. Now, if he doesn't let you fix it then you should know that it was only a matter of time before something happened that you weren't allowed to fix.

Is he someone who will let you make mistakes? ("Yes" means "good")


Very good point. Every relationship should have some early screw-ups like this to check if they can and will fix it or not. Not making an attempt to fix mistakes is a huge turn-off, and a big red flag. It probably means they won't put down any effort in it later either.

Still, hurtloam will need to let him know she made a mistake and fix it, otherwise he cannot know that she cares to fix her own screw-ups.


Yeah, OK. The mature thing would be to try and fix it instead of walking away.



hurtloam
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10 Jun 2016, 7:11 am

:P

314pe wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
OK. I will invite him to one more thing. And that's it.

When you meet, tell him that you like him.


Nope, too forward for me. My best friend wants me to organise a group thing, I'll invite him to that. If he turns up And talks to me I will maybe think about telling him, but I need to gauge how he is with me.