Messages women get in dating sites

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Sangsang
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13 Jun 2016, 12:52 pm

Quote:

All the women who have used dating states that have commented don't seem to have any issues, but all the guys who have commented have...I'm sensing a pattern here. Simply put, just like in real life dating men are at a disadvantage; it's just made worse online. Women hold all the cards in a relationship.

I tried internet dating a bunch of times - three months here, six weeks there, two weeks on a different site, with monthslong breaks between - over a period of about two years before meeting my current boyfriend.

Breaks were necessary because I got frustrated or had too many horrid first dates and the most dates I ever had with one internet guy prior to boyfriend was 3-4.

I think everybody gets frustrated with dating. You really do have to keep trying.

Ecomatt91
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14 Jun 2016, 1:45 am

On the note that where you send very kind and generous message by introducing yourself just briefly like a welcoming or greeting message and talk about her profile things like asking common interest questions that stands out to me. I don't message to every girl I see listed but I only message to the ones who have similar interests and that. I find it so comfortable to get along with someone who do things a same to me.

But they rarely reply to my messages. They just had a look and then that's it. It such a repetitive. Is it normal that how women do on dating websites? Like a natural selection picky approaches? I don't have women contacting me like in a same way, but I only get fake spammers and sex workers trying to steal my money or fooling me being an innocent guy.

314pe
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14 Jun 2016, 2:45 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:

But they rarely reply to my messages. They just had a look and then that's it. It such a repetitive. Is it normal that how women do on dating websites? Like a natural selection picky approaches? I don't have women contacting me like in a same way, but I only get fake spammers and sex workers trying to steal my money or fooling me being an innocent guy.

Yes, completely normal. Don't worry it's the same for most guys.

Sangsang
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14 Jun 2016, 7:12 pm

Ecomatt91 wrote:

Yes, it's common to not hear back from the majority of people you message. For everybody, male and female.

Consider sending shorter introductory message saying. Anything longer than a line or two can be a bit much.

TheSpectrum
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14 Jun 2016, 7:25 pm

Alliekit wrote:

I had plenty trail and error I'm my online dating. Some guys just stopped talking to. Me or didn't respond. Also some guys didn't have the same values as myself so it didn't work out.

Trial and error is the main theme of dating, you have to sift through to find the person who suits you

Yet, you have succeeded! Succeeded in online dating where many here have not (notably the males) in attracting, let alone finding a compatible partner.

I think it's time we had a poll and did some research

pointless, but fun and interesting research.

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Stargazer43
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14 Jun 2016, 8:25 pm

Alliekit wrote:

It's also important to know how to present yourself. That's the main problem I think many here have. I see some who use a shotgun approach and say "I hardly get replies, so I'll just send a boring message to a few hundred thousand women". I think that that's a terrible approach with a low chance of success - it's better to look at why you aren't getting replies and try to change your approach where appropriate. In some cases, it may even require some fairly substantial life changes to get yourself to a point where you're ready for a relationship - I know it did for me. After all, even if you do get some replies that way, it's just a random person at that point - it may not be someone you even want replies from.

A well-written message, a well-written/interesting profile, and good quality, interesting pictures are all part of the package. A grainy selfie in a dark room, and a bland profile about your love of "fun, music, and movies" isn't likely to generate a ton of interest or tell the reader a whole lot about you. And yes, this type of profile seems to be one of the most common types by far on those sites - it's actually quite rare to find one that's really well-written and thoughtfully put together.

As an aside, I can guarantee that if I sent a generic "Hi" message, I wouldn't be with my current partner, and she told me that plainly not long after we met.

The Grand Inquisitor
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15 Jun 2016, 1:53 am

Yeah, as others have said, personalising every message when you get so few replies becomes tiring and kinda depressing, though I understand they have a higher tendency to be more effective.

What's really hard is coming up with messages on Tinder when the people you match with have no bio. What exactly is the best protocol in that situation?

Chichikov
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15 Jun 2016, 2:56 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

What's really hard is coming up with messages on Tinder when the people you match with have no bio. What exactly is the best protocol in that situation?

My advice is to not contact them at all. If they have no bio they're obviously not really interested in dating and are probably just playing around, or looking for an ego boost.

Sweetleaf
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15 Jun 2016, 3:05 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

I generally didn't message people with no form of bio, pictures or other info about them...as I assume it is very likely to be a bot. I'd stick to people who say something about themselves on their profile. Of course I used okcupid, tinder seemed kind of scammy to begin with but I could be wrong.

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Sweetleaf
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15 Jun 2016, 3:20 am

marshall wrote:

It's also understandable to send generic messages or even copy/pasted messages when your response rate is 1 in 50. If you wait until you've thoroughly read someone's entire profile and looked at how they answered questions, determine you've found the perfect match, send a personalized message, THEN get no response, it's just too frustrating. It is putting way too much effort into something for a very small chance of it actually bearing fruit. It simply is not worth it. I'd also say a 50% response rate is pretty damn good. If you get a 50% response rate you have it pretty easy.

But why should someone respond if you haven't taken the time to read through their profile? That doesn't give the impression that you're very interested in them as a person. I didn't turn people down over awkwardness in the first messege, but short copy paste looking messages never interested me. How is reading someones profile before sending them a messege way too much effort? It will be even more effort to go meet them, date and potentially form a long term relationship.

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rdos
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15 Jun 2016, 3:26 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

marshall wrote:

At least for me, the effort lies in that I won't even think about messaging them if I didn't find them interesting, but knowing that even if I did write a message to somebody, the chances of getting a reply would be minimal. Thus, it is the effort of reading a profile, getting enough interest for somebody to consider writing them something multiplied with the poor odds of getting a reply.

Actually, if I should even consider the possibility of making contact with a girl, I want a close to 100% possibility that she is interested and will want to take it further. Thus, online dating wouldn't work for me.

Last edited by rdos on 15 Jun 2016, 3:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sweetleaf
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15 Jun 2016, 3:29 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

But most of the time dating sites just don't work well for guys. If you put a lot of effort into writing personalized messages to 50 different people and get no response each time, you won't really feel like continuing. That is a lot of effort for nothing. Its miserable. It's better to personalize the conversation after you get a response. I probably shouldn't expect you to understand what it's like for guys on dating sites.

In real life, things start with a hello/hi and then conversation flows; and every conversation is personalized - it can't be otherwise.
This what actually worked for me best on dating sites, it doesn't matter whether I start with a Hi(or more often: Hello X, I am Y.)or with a [personalized message based on something she wrote in her profile] - all what matters if whether she finds me attractive or not, if she does she answers to my Hi/Hello - then the conversation flows- I have actually dated with these ones.

In my experience, girls who demand from guys special specialized messages because Oh I am a special woman I wanna feel special, aren't usually my type and they are usually too self-centered and too cocooned into mainstream Dating sites culture, at least for me.

You mean preferring a specialized message that shows they read your profile and are interested in you not just your profile picture. It's nothing to do with being self centered and so cocooned into mainstream dating site culture. I preferred personalized messages during my time on dating sites...I didn't 'demand' them simply didn't find myself responding to most non personalized copy paste messages, especially when I checked the profile and could see no interests in common or it was mostly blank. Seems you demand people respond to copy paste messeges....

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Sweetleaf
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15 Jun 2016, 3:32 am

rdos wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

marshall wrote:

It takes all of 5-10 minutes to look through someones profile...not really that much effort or time. And dating sites aren't going to work for everyone probably

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Sweetleaf
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15 Jun 2016, 3:35 am

CommanderKeen wrote:

Sangsang wrote:

Alexanderplatz wrote:

Stargazer43 wrote:

I cringed. Sometimes I wonder where some of these people come from.

Though I am male, I have taken the trouble to go and meet some of these people and find out where they come from, and believe me hard that does not make it any better, though they probably feel the same way about me.

Internet dating websites are about as welcoming as a bear pit.

That's dating for ya. Online and IRL. It is about getting to know a person to find out if you're compatible... and unless you're incredibly lucky, there's trial and error involved.

I had issues like getting led on by guys I messaged back and then proceeded to meet IRL, that certainly felt worse than the times I messaged guys and didn't get responses.

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rdos
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15 Jun 2016, 3:38 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

It takes all of 5-10 minutes to look through someones profile...not really that much effort or time. And dating sites aren't going to work for everyone probably

Maybe it takes 5-10 minutes to read it, but to decide if she is interesting or not takes a lot longer than that. It implies you handle dating just like buying something from the Internet. For some people, that works well, but I'm not able to do it like that.

Sweetleaf
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15 Jun 2016, 3:47 am

rdos wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

It takes all of 5-10 minutes to look through someones profile...not really that much effort or time. And dating sites aren't going to work for everyone probably

Well that is your opinion I don't think it is that hard to read through someones profile and determine if I have any interest in them nor that it's like buying something from the internet.

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