Online dating is pointless as a guy

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Have you seen such guys online? I thought internet was the best place so find someone unique.

Winner/loser dichotomy, that's life I guess.

I've seen a few I thought may be companionable, I liked their pictures and sent some messages. No interest.


True. People seem to judge character based on tangibles like employment, appearance, accumulated wealth. Especially, I think, in an online format where you are clicking from one profile to another. What I have to offer isn't overtly apparent.

The problem with dating sites is that they're an unnatural way of finding partners. People really ought to meet in more normal circumstances, without beginning on the assumption that they're going to date. Mutual interests, social events, work, etcetera. It's just a shame that in practice some people may never end up meeting somebody so they're forced to rely on dodgy and desperate measures.

You do have a point there, Sabreclaw.

Alas, there are times, though, that these sorts of situations aren't thrust upon us. One, instead, must do the "thrusting."

An online dating site is probably better than "cold-approaching."

Assuming that the dating site allows you to screen by the applicable criteria and that there are such people on that dating site local to you.

I never use the match system, my parents are polar opposites yet married for a decade. So I refuse to believe a computer can predict a number on who is more a match then others

It was easier for me because I am horrible at initial face to face interaction with people I don't know....so bad I can't even initiate it, even in college when forgot to bring a pencil to class I couldn't even ask the student next to me to borrow one because I never talked to them before.

Most guys who've approached me IRL who I reciprocated interest in, didn't turn out to be very appealing people either. I suppose I am a bit surprised people struggling socially would have such terrible luck on dating sites...since I figured it was a good way around initial face to face interaction and also made intentions more clear initially, there to find potential boyfriend.

No, it usually most of the time not the case.

You and Hopper are simply judgemental regardings these things and you have too much in faith in things like vibes, and "inner feelings showing off to outside" things.

99% of adults hide their negative feelings, bitterness, dispair - they all wear masks and hide them and they hide them very well.

No, they don't show them, no, they don't surface in daily life to the public - and not even while dating.

You may find a person who's totally funny in his interactions with people but may be totally depressed and despaired.

In venting posts people will certainly show sides that in real life don't show and never get showed.

Even on dating sites, cultural gender roles still seem to apply. The girls in my area or close by still wanted a loud obnoxious iron pumping as*hole who drives like a maniac, drinks until he passes out, smokes until his nostrils burn, and only knows about the "bibuhl" or "Uhmurika".

There's a difference between having trouble reading body language, or not paying attention to others' grammar or word or punctuation choices, and not thinking such things are possible. People constandly (unintentionally) give away little clues to their inner life, if you know how to observe and draw inferences.

Or even if you don't. You don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to pick up (consciously or subconsciously) on certain signs people give without meaning to. If one has a certain tone in one's messages, this can put people off, but because one is not aware of the tone, one may not think that that could be a problem. It's pretty basic, and nothing to do with 'vibes'.

Just because it's not usually the case doesn't mean it never is, that was my point. I mean you've seriously never seen anyone come off as bitter who's not trying to? I myself have come off that way not realizing it, or having it show through even if I'm trying to hide it. Most people actually aren't quite so good at hiding things as they think they are in my opinion.

Also what am I supposed to do just ignore if I have a bad feeling around someone? Not be in the least bit weary/cautious around them just open myself up to them and be totally trusting hoping the feeling is just nothing. Seems picking up on vibes can be useful.

Absolutely. Most people think they do a great job hiding the way they think or feel, but very, very few actually do (been there, done that, couldn't believe it when I discovered how transparent I was). Deep seated anger in particular is almost impossible to hide.

Being able to read body language and intonation and paying attention to how people speak, the way they phrase things and chose their words will reveal volumes about them. Not to mention nobody's able to keep their guard up 24/7 and will slip once in a while in very obvious ways.

And it's not about "vibes" or any sort of mumbo-jumbo - some people pick on these things unconsciously and aren't able to articulate the process, yet still read the situation correctly, while others use more analytical/deliberate methods.

I studied body language for years (and I'm not talking about the pop-psychology type of crap), I'm a good poker player and have a strong interest in anthropology and semiotics. With rare exceptions, people hide their real feelings and thoughts very, very badly.

^ I think you're speaking from a knowledgeable basis.

I have tons of empirical evidence to back it up too, I've been working for decades in the kind of cut-throat corporatist environment where you're dead in the water if you don't pay attention to such things. Makes "dating" (but I never did what we call here "American dating") look like a breeze

It ain't just online dating that's 'unnatural'.

But, admittedly, most people who ask someone out on a date in real-life usually ask at least an acquaintance from school or work or someplace, and not a complete and total stranger, making real-life dating feel more authentic because it's based on genuine feelings, and not artificial and robotic like online dating.

But either way, I completely and absolutely agree. 'Natural' connections formed with a good friend or acquaintance truly is a much better feeling than dating.

This generation is so anti-social, always stuck to their phones and technology.

Do you know just how unlikely it is for me (and you) to ever be in a situation where:

1. There's at least more than a few young girls and women around my age (or even age 18-25, it's rare to see any young adult women here, I've seen a lot of young boys my age going around in their little gangs though).

2. They aren't with family, a male their age, presumably her boyfriend or brother (even if brother = can't approach, he'd be protective) or in some intimidatingly large mixed sex group. I rarely see young people my age travel in same-sex pairs anymore (presumably two best friends) or solo.

3. I'm not busy/in a rush, she doesn't appear to be either.

4. The location is appropriate, i.e. not grocery shopping, not on public transportation, etc.

5. And, finally, even if EVERYTHING ELSE is right, there's a 90% chance she'll be absolutely glued to one of those infernal machines, earphones in ears, completely apathetic and inattentive to the world around her.

How I have ever received confirmed/possible attention from the opposite sex in the past (looks, flirting attempts, even some catcalls, etc.) is beyond me.

Also, I see some argue that if you don't like online dating, just don't do it.

The problem with this is, even if you personally choose not to, that doesn't mean other people won't stop doing it.

So, that cute girl at the coffee place who's number you got the other day? She's also currently on her 4th date with a guy on OkCupid, and is speaking to two guys from Tinder and keeping them on the backburner. Notice how I'm not saying women get millions of messages online (which is B.S.), but a realistic yet still decent amount of offers?

Like it or not, Aspies still tend to be awkward and show lack of social skills online through our messaging.

So the biggest problem is, online dating offers more options for N.T.'s, but not for us, which makes dating even more unnecessarily competitive.

And to those that suggest we find someone just as quirky and unique as we are? Fat chance.

Unique women will always be unique, online or real-life, and finding unique women online who are still in your area is difficult. And even then, if you message the few that exist and they don't respond back, you'll have to go for the more mainstream women.