Is my girlfriend too much about money?

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Chichikov
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27 Sep 2016, 12:45 pm

Threatening to sell\pawn the promise ring is a typical NT tactic, it's a way of forcing your hand. When she said she was going to do that you were supposed to say something like; "What? You can't do that, I'd do anything for that not to happen, let me give you the money instead". And if you don't say that, they get quite annoyed.

My opinion on these things in general is to trust your gut. If your gut tells you she's too much about money then she probably is. If your gut is uneasy about this, then it's probably not the best relationship possible for you.



ironpony
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27 Sep 2016, 1:09 pm

Well she didn't threaten to sell it, she just said that she is desperate for money to live, and has to, even though she loves it and wishes she didn't. Unless that's a threat. What does NT stand for?



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27 Sep 2016, 1:32 pm

ironpony wrote:
Well she didn't threaten to sell it, she just said that she is desperate for money to live, and has to, even though she loves it and wishes she didn't. Unless that's a threat. What does NT stand for?


NT Stands for Neuro Tipical... This is a trait mor of a narcisest than a neuro Tipical in general. Not every woman does this. I haven't eighed in until now, but my advice to you is to run far from this woman, because she is a leach. As others have stated, she is using the promise ring as bate. She's hoping you'll say, "Oh, don't sell it, I'll help you.". It's a guilt tactic. However, if it doesn't work, she will sell it, because to a narcisest, nothing is sacred. As I said, if I were you, I would get out of that mess and run!



sly279
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27 Sep 2016, 1:39 pm

So she has a low paying job?
Has to pay her fathers medical bill, why does he or her mom?

Her and her family sound poor, so why do they constantly eat out at expensive places 0.o
Real poor people don't live outside their means, this means rarely if ever eating at restaurants.



ironpony
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27 Sep 2016, 1:58 pm

Well her parents cannot afford it all she said.



Chichikov
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27 Sep 2016, 2:02 pm

ironpony wrote:
Well she didn't threaten to sell it, she just said that she is desperate for money to live, and has to, even though she loves it and wishes she didn't. Unless that's a threat. What does NT stand for?

NT means someone without autism. And yes, that's a threat. When she says she doesn't want to....you're supposed to say "but you don't have to, I'll give you the money".



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27 Sep 2016, 2:34 pm

ironpony wrote:
Well her parents cannot afford it all she said.


If she lives in Canada like you do, why does her father have medical bills? Does he somehow not have OHIP (or insurance from whatever province they live in)?


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27 Sep 2016, 2:47 pm

Her father's particular medication is not covered by that, she says. In Canada, a lot of free health care, is free in hospitals. But when it comes to getting medication from the pharmacy, it costs money.



Private Idaho
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27 Sep 2016, 2:49 pm

ironpony wrote:
She uses a lot of her money to pay for her father's medical bills since he is old and in poor health. But a lot of her money goes to that. I can understand that. Do you think maybe I am being heartless by not helping out all the way, and giving her a cut off?


Whether you help her out or not is your decision, but how much and how long will that last? I see that you have certain savings. Do you think she has an expectation that you will use your funds indefinitely to help out her family members?

If you do help her out, I think she needs to compromise by living more frugally. I found that it helps couples to sit down and make a monthly budget and stick to it. Itemize income vs. monthly necessary expenses such as rent, food, utilities, gasoline etc. This may be obvious but many couples don't do it and greatly underestimate how much they spend each month. The upside is that after necessities are covered, money can be put aside for fun things such as eating out or vacations. I also think it's reasonable that any assistance to her father must fit into the budget and be capped.

I appreciate this may not be easy if she doesn't want to be up front about her spending. Perhaps you can approach this in a non-confrontational way and turn budgeting into a positive for your relationship. You are not being stingy or heartless to want a rational way to handle finances.



sly279
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27 Sep 2016, 3:04 pm

ironpony wrote:
Well her parents cannot afford it all she said.

Then they shouldn't be eating out and cut back on other stuff that's not important.



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27 Sep 2016, 3:08 pm

ironpony wrote:
Her father's particular medication is not covered by that, she says. In Canada, a lot of free health care, is free in hospitals. But when it comes to getting medication from the pharmacy, it costs money.


But if they have these heavy prescription expenses (does he not have a doctor who can prescribe generic versions of meds that are cheaper?), why is the family eating out all the time? And why are they relying on her if they know she has a low-paying job? Do neither her mother or father work? Something smells fishy here. It sounds like she and her family have trouble living and spending within their means. And talking about selling the promise ring still sounds like emotional blackmail to me. Didn't she say she wants you to buy her nice things sometimes to prove that you love her? And now she wants to sell the things you buy her. It just sounds really shady.


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27 Sep 2016, 3:16 pm

ironpony wrote:
Her father's particular medication is not covered by that, she says. In Canada, a lot of free health care, is free in hospitals. But when it comes to getting medication from the pharmacy, it costs money.


Don't you get returns on medications? Even in the shit-hole where I live state insurance returns 80% on medications costs (in form of checks).



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27 Sep 2016, 4:01 pm

Her mom has a job, but she says it doesn't pay enough. The dad is too ill to work. But yes, something is fishy perhaps and cannot ascertain what yet.



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27 Sep 2016, 5:41 pm

ironpony wrote:
But yes, something is fishy perhaps and cannot ascertain what yet.

basically everything about it


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fluter
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27 Sep 2016, 11:14 pm

I guess a promise ring is something that says you promise to love her? And she wants to sell it so she can afford to eat at fancy restaurants? I don't think you should date her.
:roll:



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27 Sep 2016, 11:54 pm

Bridgette77 wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Well she didn't threaten to sell it, she just said that she is desperate for money to live, and has to, even though she loves it and wishes she didn't. Unless that's a threat. What does NT stand for?


NT Stands for Neuro Tipical... This is a trait mor of a narcisest than a neuro Tipical in general. Not every woman does this. I haven't eighed in until now, but my advice to you is to run far from this woman, because she is a leach. As others have stated, she is using the promise ring as bate. She's hoping you'll say, "Oh, don't sell it, I'll help you.". It's a guilt tactic. However, if it doesn't work, she will sell it, because to a narcisest, nothing is sacred. As I said, if I were you, I would get out of that mess and run!


I second this. It's not about neurology - each person is different.


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