ironpony wrote:
She uses a lot of her money to pay for her father's medical bills since he is old and in poor health. But a lot of her money goes to that. I can understand that. Do you think maybe I am being heartless by not helping out all the way, and giving her a cut off?
Whether you help her out or not is your decision, but how much and how long will that last? I see that you have certain savings. Do you think she has an expectation that you will use your funds indefinitely to help out her family members?
If you do help her out, I think she needs to compromise by living more frugally. I found that it helps couples to sit down and make a monthly budget and stick to it. Itemize income vs. monthly necessary expenses such as rent, food, utilities, gasoline etc. This may be obvious but many couples don't do it and greatly underestimate how much they spend each month. The upside is that after necessities are covered, money can be put aside for fun things such as eating out or vacations. I also think it's reasonable that any assistance to her father must fit into the budget and be capped.
I appreciate this may not be easy if she doesn't want to be up front about her spending. Perhaps you can approach this in a non-confrontational way and turn budgeting into a positive for your relationship. You are not being stingy or heartless to want a rational way to handle finances.