in love with someone who is already dating someone else.

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This, and what Sweetleaf said. I'm not suggesting anyone actually actively pursue someone IAR. I'm just saying that in general terms there's really nothing stopping anyone if they want to.

In my case, being humiliated, injured, or even killed was worth the risk. But that was a unique situation. If I were pursuing Sweetleaf, one word as eloquently as she said in her post would send me the message loud and clear that THIS is not someone in a relationship I want to tangle with.

But then you do have the bully situation and the whole Florence Nightingale effect. I doubt I'd waste any time or effort there, either.

I do want to point out, though, that whether I'm trying to date someone like Allie or Sweetleaf, I have no way of knowing their reaction ahead of time unless I ask. I might be humiliated, but so what? The funny thing about dating is if you intend to be successful at it, the first thing that has to go is your pride and dignity. Sweetleaf might totally embarrass me once, but she's not the last woman on the planet, either. Get up, dust yourself off, try again elsewhere.

And I think any guy who is pushy, whether you are IAR or not, is best avoided.

I guess it's acceptable table if the person is trapped in a relationship where they are not happy.

There's just not an easy answer. First of all, who are we to judge whether we are right for the job? And who says she actually wants YOU to be her knight in shining armor? You have to be careful not to be presumptuous. Second, is it really healthy to move quickly into a new relationship that might be as bad as the one you're getting out of?

When I was in college, I had a very brief fling with a girl in a bad relationship. She was becoming very emotionally attached to me, and I broke things off with her before things got messy. Some weeks or months later, I ran into her and asked how things were with her fiance. She said things were GREAT and that he "rocks her world." Apparently the fling, along with other circumstances, brought them back to a good place.

They eventually did break up, but that had more to do with graduation, bad prospects in the job market, and other issues that split them up. That's anothet story...

Go tell her man! Try to steal her heart from him!

Tell her "I love you! Way more than your boyfriend or any man would!"

Rooaarrr!!

/Now that's a non-boring reply that may turn things interesting (for the better or worse).

Or you could hold a boombox over your head blasting "In Your Eyes"