Is having a job important in a relationship?If so, why?

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So no, currently the way things are, is not balanced at all and is not fair. Men should become as picky as women to fix this.

Having a job really is that important. Having a job means financial freedom, which means you have more options in dating and long-term.

I don't feel it's a dealbreaker for a female partner to not have a job in the short-term. Long-term it means I have to carry the FULL burden of meeting our basic needs. With both of us working, we get more margin in our lives and can enjoy a more secure lifestyle.

It's also important because a single-earner household has to assume greater risk than a double-earner. I'm a musician, so obviously I don't have much to offer. I work three part-time jobs and am trying to break into the music licensing business (to little avail at the moment). For now I'm ALMOST competitive with my wife who has a full-time and is trying to grow a potentially lucrative MLM business on the side. But, let's be honest, the money sucks right now.

Several years ago, we were both full-timers. I thought I had a very secure teaching gig, and it turned out to be not-so-secure. After 3 failed classroom gigs I felt it was time to get out of the classroom. About that time I got a very good church gig and helped start a band, played a few bars, etc. Got fired from the school, started a private piano studio at the same school, picked up non-credit students at a community college. Lost our house at the beginning of the recession, ended up homeless. Time passes, bought a house (paid cash), had to give up teaching so many piano students when my 3rd child was born, ended up on a reality show. Wife lost two jobs when the babies came, lost two bank jobs after that. Drummer with my band was involved in a scandal that caused us to lose our practice space. Started posting music to Youtube.

Next thing I know the school we sent our kids to wanted to hire us. BOTH of us. Which NEVER happens. Worship leader at our church leaves rather suddenly, I take over as interim choir director, start working on Christmas presentation, start earning the occasional bonus. Then the lead singer of a locally-famous party band calls. Needs a keyboard player. Wedding receptions. High school reunions. Costume parties. Outdoor festivals. Playing Blues Brothers, Sam & Dave, Otis Redding. Wife gets addicted to the Younique "uplift serum," promos the stuff to get discounts, ends up selling the full line "because it's fun." Then we get into motivational videos and books. Church hires new worship leader, so I'm winding down, cleaning out my desk, going back to writing music again. We feel great about life. Our struggles are far from over, but we are excited moving forward. Just ran our first 5k fundraiser last weekend, conducted my first choir Christmas presentation, planning a worship ministry social in a couple of weeks, looking forward to parties and 2 week vacation. Things are looking up.

Point? You don't get that working alone. Bear in mind I'm talking about the long haul. If I were single and no kids I'd barely be making rent right now. If I had the time to cash in on the licensing industry, I could probably support my entire family alone, which is ultimately my goal. But that assumes a tremendous risk in a fame-or-famine business. If my wife had insisted on staying at home, we'd never have made it. We survived by both of us working together. Even when we were living out of a motel, we had at least SOME money coming in even if it wasn't much. When she lost 4 jobs, the meager income I had kept us from starving. Single-earners have to bear a huge amount of risk their family might not be prepared for. You have to be careful. Accumulate enough surplus income to make it through 6 months of expenses. Cut costs every chance you get. Get plenty of exercise. Make new friends. Mitigate risks. Work together.

Yeah, money really is that important!

Maybe internet voting should be used to choose appropriate partner for everyone.

I don't intend to move in with anyone LOL, I also wouldn't expect a boyfriend to buy me anything.

I definitely don't have to worry about any of that right now but I'll keep it all in mind for the future and invest wisely with what I choose to put money towards. But I'm actually an aspiring pop singer, so who knows? I may end up being successful with that and have more than enough money to spend!:b

But if that doesn't work out for me and I work a regular 9-5 I'll try to be mindful of expenses LOL.

The single hardest lesson I learned in life was how to be generous. When things got bad, we had to rely on people and their handouts. It was a horrible place to be because I felt that I had nothing to give in return. Eventually it dawned on me that without a job-job, I had plenty of time on my hands. So I put all my time into other people, volunteering, listening to other peoples' music on social media and leaving positive comments, writing choir arrangements for a co-worker, playing bass in a church youth band, helping out with children's music at an elementary school, and that kind of thing. When things started falling apart with our church worship ministry, I took over and earned a small bonus. Well, things had started looking up for us at this point, so I started looking for ways to give that extra money away. Two Sundays ago, we did our Christmas presentation, and I had two musicians and two audio engineers who stayed with us through half a week of extra rehearsals. I found some blank cards, wrote thank you notes "from the choir," and slipped almost all of my bonus money in. Sure, I could have used the money. But they deserved it more than I did. Take what you have. Money is the easiest asset to use, but it's not all you have. Time is also valuable.

An aspiring pop singer? We should talk!

One of my biggest life regrets was not immediately walking away when I found out my first GF not only didn't have a job but dropped out of school three times (and quickly became a fourth after we dated). She (rightfully) complained I treated her like a child but it was impossible to see her as anything but. I think she earned less than $1000 in the 18 months we dated.

I also have a cousin who just got married for the second time at 30. She married a guy that has never held down a "real" job his entire life and gets a monthly allowance from his rich father. Even at 30 he looks and acts just like a child, is going back to University for the third time to get a completely useless degree and they have a baby together. I told my wife I give it two years tops before she gets divorced again.

It's not having a job by itself that is the problem, but the childish, immature attitude of someone that expects to be taken care of by another even as an adult. I'm off work now for a few months (for school) and it just plain sucks. I can't relate how anyone would not want to have a job.

1. Not everyone can handle a job. I can only handle part time work.
2. Unlike you most people hate their jobs, and would love to win the lottery and stay home pretaking in their hobbies. This is why I believe so many people falsely hate people on welfare. They precieve us as living the dream. I think if most people had s choice they'd choose having the money and not working. But they can't do they work jobs they hate to get the money to do their hobbies and live.

Likewise I don't really like my job much but I enjoy the $40 extra I make after bills to be able to do stuff I like.
You'd probably consider me unlovable like your cousins husband. Maybe he gives her non monetary stuff that she needs. Like emotional support, and such.
Your ex being a spyco as you say it had nothing to do with her lack of job or dropping out of college those were just effects of her disorders. Other people with similar situations maybe very good people who like me just have terrible luck in life. What if you'd meet your wife and she'd been unemployed and dropped out of schools, you'd passed up on what I assume you see as the love of your life. Will you leave her if in the future she loses her job and is unable to get one again?

I'm use to it though seems to be how most people even unemployed women see guys with bad luck and struggling .

It's all from the companies if your not a cog in their machine then you're he enemy. So they've tricked generations into seeing people solely as their job title.

"Oh you're a fireman"
No that's just their job not who they are
I'm not a sales associate

The general mentality is very cult like. Could never see myself thinking the way a lot of these people do. I just can't see how a person's job is there worth and value as an otherwise potentially wonderful human being.