I am THIS CLOSE to giving up

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What kind of books do you write?

Writing books that sell takes skill and knowledge. Leveling up a paladin...that's just fun...wait D&D? Joke aside, looking for someone can make you feel bad cause you may think all think that stuff about you when you can't or don't get a girlfriend. I've been there....except opposite since I'm a woman.

Let me reprhase that last comment....: instead of since I'm a woman, since on my end I would be looking for a boyfriend. That's sounds better.

Just hold out longer and it'll happen even if you don't look for it. That's the best advice I've heard. And writing really does take skill, I wasn't joking about that. Sorry about 3 comments instead of one.

In my understanding the online dating sites can be especially tough for guys. On the flip side many women are used to being swarmed with messages. I wouldn't take it to heart too much if you can manage. Sorry to hear that you are having a tough time with it though.

Hey Dude called Adam.
I dont know what your solution is. I guess the solution depends as to what you want in life in terms of a relationship.
From your photo, you look very normal and within normal range of looks.

So looks shouldn't be a major problem.
Not that looks are always the biggest factors looking at things long term. Well at least not for everyone out there.

Like i say, i think you should consider what you want as well before you look rather than just try to get lucky with random woman. I think this is the way most guys grew up doing, without a clue. not knowing what they want or are looking for (apart from physical attraction) which is a bit stupid looking back in hindsight.

I think sure people who are different can work out in a relationship but only if there is a level of flexibility.
If there isn't, and both partners are ridged, then life becomes hell for both partners.

Now, please do not be offended by this next suggestion. However, if you are a ridged type (as some aspergers are)
and you like your routine and a lot of time to yourself. Then perhaps consider going to Thailand or the Philippines, if you cant find someone who shares your interests or who is flexible enough to be with you how you are.

I know, you may not find someone who falls in-love with you the first minute that you meet them.
however you may find a decent partner (especially if you are young, reasonable and kind hearted)
who will be physically attractive, young but also hard working, patient and to some degree submissive due to the culture and hardship that they suffer in their normal lives.

I am not suggesting be exploitative, explain what your looking for and see if any girls are interested.
I would imagine that there are still loads of attractive potential mates and companions for aspo's if the aspo's are a little flexible. Even the less normal looking need not be alone if a relationship is what they want, if they have a way to sustain themselves financially that is.

I am not saying exploit these nice girls who find themselves in a bad position in life, like many do.
I just think that we all find ourselves in a predicament in life and if we analyse our situation, we may make
our circumstances work for us.

I would imagine if your a decent guy, who's young enough, fun and relatively considerate.
Then you have a lot to offer. Perhaps it would even be an idea to go to somewhere like Thailand, the Philippines, Japan, Korea or China to live for a little time. Meet people. get into the culture.

Many of these places you can find work teaching english as a foreign language.
While your there you can meet up with woman and see how things are.
I have heard for a western guy, there is loads of opportunities for dating and in some cases
the girls will ask you out rather than you having to chase the woman.

I have also heard that in Japan, there is a big fashion now for woman to want Western men as partners as they want hafu (half Japanese half western) cute big eyed Japanese babies.

So. like i say. there are options that you may never have thought of.
I also note that some of the girls from Asia may be more forgiving when it comes to quirky aspo ways
as some woman from these cultures are more submissive than woman from other cultures.

I hope this post does not offend anyone especially the woman on the forum.
I am not suggesting mistreating woman or buying woman to abuse.
I am suggesting one possible route that a quirky aspo may take if looking for love, companionship in a partner but without the stress and drama that sometimes comes with some western girls who may not understand the whole ASC thing or who may also suffer from some type of illness them-self.

I think in some cases, some Asian woman can be happier when married to a foreigner who loves them
than if marrying or not marrying in their home country.

Just trying to help. cheers.

I don't know how you come across in real life but the impression you make on this forum doesn't make you stand out in any negative way. You said earlier that you're a geek living in a red-neck country. Certainly, not fitting in with the norm makes dating more difficult but it also means you might actually stand out in a positive way to some girls who are also not like the norm, simply because you don't share the negative qualities a lot of guys in your area have.


Again, I don't know how you are in real life but I highly doubt that your personality sucks. You might be boring for someone who has the same hobbies most people in your area have but even in your area there must be some people who are not like that. You're probably not boring for them.
Initially it's often a small part one finds attractive but what matters in the end is the whole person and most people are not really looking for perfection but for someone they love. You don't need to be the best at anything to be loveable.



Personally I think writing books is a lot more attractive than D&D paladins levelling up. What hobbies and interests a girl will find attractive in a man depend on her own. Writing books won't be attractive for some girls but it will be perceived as something positive by some other girls. Even if those girls might be rare where you live they might also be the ones who tend to be more compatible with you than most women in your area.

Check the link in my sig.



I wouldn't exactly say they're selling, since I let people read them for free



It's a catch 22 for me. If I go looking for a woman, they'll all shoot me down. But if I don't look for one, they'd have to come break down my door to meet me.



Yeah. Like I said in my thread complaining about my customer service job, I have a very hard time not taking things to heart. What other people are able to shrug and laugh off sticks with me and I can't get rid of it.



Yeah, I've been told I'm a lot more likable on the internet, haha. In person I just come across as awkward, weird, and more than a little crabby. And I must not be too attractive over the internet, or else I'd get more replies on dating sites.



Admittedly, there are a couple writing groups around here, but they're all full of old people. Nobody my age. And that makes me feel uncomfortable.



It's weird, I specifically look for women who list "reading" as one of their hobbies, and then try to strike up a conversation with them. When I get a reply (which is rare) I'll chat for a bit, and then be like, "Hey, want to see something cool?" and then give them a link to my website. The reaction, every single time, has been "Oh, cool." As in, whatever. Am I supposed to be impressed? And then they stop messaging me.

That's a very well-designed site. Have you thought of putting your books on the amazon kindle store?

Don't show them your link right away.

Continue talking about your writing, your interests, etc.

Make them REALLY DESIRE to see your link.

Thank you! Check it out!
https://www.amazon.com/Adam-Bolander/e/ ... 175&sr=8-1

If you're in Northwest Arkansas, you must be familiar with John Daly, golfer.

I've heard of him, mostly from people telling me I look like him.

He's famous for being an "everyman, blue collar" sort of golfer, rather than a country club type.

I guess you have a slight resemblance to him, just like people say I have a slight resemblance to Robin Williams.

The older people in the groups may have single family members

As for the link thing it might seem like you are just trying to get people to read them. It's better to wait till they ask about the books or ask if they can read them.

Judging from the reviews of your books Adam, it looks like you've got some fans You can certainly use that as leverage material.