Why does getting a girlfriend have to be so complicated?

Post Reply New Topic

If this at all really does help you, you're welcome.

Did you just describe your idea date as "easy and simple-minded" as well as "desperate?"

These are really negative words. Basically, you're asking for her to be sexual with you right away (easy), stupid (simple-minded) and not attractive to other people (desperate.) Nobody likes being called these things.

Women like men who respect them. They really do. They want to feel safe around you. They don't want to feel like they are a looser if they date you. Make them feel respected and liked. Get to know them first. You will have a much easier time getting a date that way.

You really would be surprised how far you can get by convincing a girl that you really do think she's wonderful. Of course, you have to get to know her enough to find out what is sincerely wonderful about her first. You can't just compliment her sweater and expect that to work.

Women don't all have the same interests, try talking about some things you like to talk about ask them stuff about them to get to know them find out what they like. It really is trial and error, but you certainly can't get to know someone if you don't talk to them or express yourself because you're afraid of saying the wrong thing. Also how can they open up if you don't open up? Not so sure it is as simple as them being pricks...you shouldn't have to do 'all' the ice-breaking but you can't expect them to do it all either.

Why do you want a girlfriend if you'd 'really' think badly of her for being female and just keep it from her? And perhaps you think you could keep it well hidden, but I imagine your disdain for her or longing for a time when she doesn't have rights would show through in your behavior eventually. Perhaps women are making the right choice by not dating you if that is your attitude.

umm no...

And what if they say they aren't single, or don't want to exchange numbers...how do you react then?

Do you live on the bloody Moon or what? People ask out strangers all the time. It happens often and it's not sexual harassment.
Surely there's also a way things must be done.

You must not have been paying attention to this thread because he says approaching some strange woman and asking her out is not working for him.

Sure, it works in the movies. And sure, it may work if you're a super flashy hot guy. But probably not so much if you're an autistic unemployed 20 year old.

You need to be realistic about your own level of attractiveness and dating market value. And if cold approaches have not been working, why on earth would you keep doing it??

... and posing another question directly to Peacesells - what is your current relationship status and how many cold approaches have resulted in a successful relationship for you?

Here's a tip: Stop being so damned desperate. It's like being fearful around an animal.. they can smell it - and it's not good for you. Once you're content in your solitude, you'll be ever more attractive to others and then you won't be able to stop the flood of girls wanting to be around you... but being negative, depressed, desperate, and screaming for attention results in the exact opposite of the desired effect - people don't want to be around you. Period. Learn to deal with that part of yourself and change your vibe and then things WILL get better.

Yes, absolutely. Right on point. Unfortunately, it's impossible to be content in my solitude when I've been alone and deprived of women all my life... Not that it matters of course. But I know what you mean - Just put on an act and pretend like everything is A-ok. Been there, done that. On a side note, I'd like to thank you all for opening my eyes to the sad ways of society and their strict unwritten rules. It never occurred to me that everyone really felt that way about me. I always thought the stuff I did was normal. Thank you all for this long overdue rude awakening. I've done some deep thinking and all the pieces are finally coming together. Everything kinda makes sense now. Soon I'll catch up with everyone else.

What I've learned today are the differences between what is socially appropriate and inappropriate -- When, and when NOT to socialize with strangers. If only someone had taught me this stuff... In retrospect, I wish to God I could go back in time and take advantage of all the social opportunities I had when I was still in school, had I known they'd be scarce in the 'real world' that I was warned so much about. Now I have to somehow find a way to carefully create a social life, appropriately, at some stupid, planned social event or whatever. Then, I can finally escape from the lonely depths of aspie-hell, in a society that wants me to drop dead for being a stranger until I prove my worth. It's kinda hard to look at humans the same way now. I don't even feel like going outside or talking to someone ever again. Thank you for the dose of reality, everyone. Bye.

No, you misunderstood "easy", "simple-minded", and "desperate". I never said I wanted a hook-up. All I want is a instant-girlfriend. You know, we meet and do non-sexual, romantic, gf/bf stuff. Why isn't this a thing? I mean come on, people like to have sex with random strangers through hook-up sites, and that's far more risky than just arranging to shoot the breeze with a stranger while grabbing a bite to eat, or a simple walk through the burbs. I mean dang, society, get a grip... And I still find it hard to believe that there aren't any crazy girls who want a instant-boyfriend. They're out there. They gotta be. I need one right now ASAP.

You can't seriously be this oblivious. Of course they work - because they're frickin' STAGED. A YouTube video of a guy asking a girl he's "never met before" (notice the quotation marks) out and succeeding in doing so doesn't translate to a real-life scenario.

Are you sure you are a NT?
It might not work for him for reasons, but people do it.
A dumbass friend of my brother just did it at an Halloween party and he got a number (and then lost it LOL). But there's a way, you don't just walk to a woman and ask her number, you need to break the ice a little first.

I don't approach strangers and I don't use cold approaches, besides I'd have no idea how to do it and I am far too shy for it.

^ Right. That's what I'm trying to tell these people. Let me make myself clear: I may be a unemployed 20 year old dude with mild AS, but you guys only know that because it's wrongplanet.net, my username is Aspieguy96, and somebody demanded to know about my employment status. From MY experience, girls normally don't care about status, and they've never even heard of Asperger's. They just think that I'm a "cute, shy, strong silent type".

Remember when I said approaching strangers works 1/10? That's how I met my first girlfriend back in 2011 at high school. She's into me, we talk and she's the only open-minded girl I know who lets me be myself. As a matter of fact, some girls that I don't know have approached ME before, handing me THEIR number, and expecting ME to call THEM when I wasn't even interested! Fancy that, huh? I swear to God. Girls talk to strangers too if they're in the mood. It's not as crazy as some people might think.

For the record, I've had jobs before, but was too lazy to keep them because I have no responsibilities, no mouths to feed, no bills to pay. I just did it for the quick cash to buy cool clothes. But I've matured a little, and even though I'm not eager to find work, and have no reason to, I do occasionally fill out job applications at department stores so I can make money, get a car, and eventually get my own place and pay the bills so my parents can stop bugging me, not that it's anyone's business.

Some people understand asking out strangers, while others are wary and feel differently. Some get it, some don't. Everyone is a critic. That's fine. That's totally cool. Just know that it works sometimes for ordinary people, even if they have mild AS. It all depends on the individual person. However, I believe the best way for me to go about getting a gf is through a job, because it would allow us time to become friends, subtly flirt, and build a relationship, as this method has also worked for me before many times. I feel it's my niche. That's all I have to say. Thanks for the wake up call, society.

Last edited by AspieGuy96 on 03 Jan 2017, 6:44 am, edited 1 time in total.