6 Harsh Truths that will make you a Better Person

Post Reply New Topic

That's nice.. but here's the thing: Nice doesn't pay bills. Try paying for food, clothing, shelter, medicine, education, vacations, luxuries, or retirement with "nice" and let me know how that goes for you. That's why people who earn money are considered more attractive in our capitalist society.

No, I'm not advocating being a jerk. I'm just saying that one must be able to earn enough money to have a relatively good quality of life to be considered an attractive partner to most people.

Those theories of economics get shot all to hell here where I live, though. The vast majority of people here are in debt and live extremely fragile financial lives as paycheque to paycheque as one can get due to the fact that working class incomes have declined over the last 40 years while the costs of living have skyrocketed, especially the cost of housing. So, regular people don't have sky high financial expectations of their dates/significant others here. The ones that do are more the.. elitist class. But still, no matter which way you slice it it still holds true, the "less poor" of the working class poor here are relatively more desirable than those worse off than them even if they still cannot afford to buy a home.

Why would it make you more bitter and angry if you don't measure yourself by the same metrics of success as those who pursue financial wealth?

It seems most people I know are essentially living that way as well...and either with room-mates or parents/family still. Anyone I know who is stable financially has help from their parents. I dated a guy who lived in a nice apartment his parents were paying for, as well as a nice dodge challenger his parents helped him buy. I think he may have received some disability income to as he did have some issues...but he was pretty unappreciative of his parents and that was pretty unattractive. Eventually his bratty behavior and some pre-occupation he had with some girl he used to know ended the relationship.

So as much as nice isn't everything, money/resources isn't either.

The entire article is about how it doesn't matter what you measure yourself by, it's all about what you can give that other person and tough **** if you're not up to par. Money is all important and unfortunately I was not born with a silver spoon or the 'privilege' others were. If you're not on the same page as the article then you deserve to be alone according to the logic of the author.

Well, relationships of virtually any kind, whether professional or romantic, are about what people have to offer one another, to give one another, to do for one another etc in a win-win reciprocal way... and tough s**t if you're not up to par. ie I work, I get paid. I don't work, I don't get paid. Pretty simple stuff.

The article doesn't state that money is all important, however, that it is important in the sense of how our capitalist society is structured & thus it certainly doesn't hurt to have some of it. Even then, it's not so much about money as it is about being able to obtain & retain it.. the process. If you can manage that, you'll have the resources to be a provider or offer things of value (not trinkets, utilitarian value). Money is just a commonly agreed upon societal yardstick with which to measure peoples' ability to provide for themselves and offer these things to others.

I wasn't born with a silver spoon or privilege, either. I was once in debt just over $100K & then bankrupt. I'm now in the black multiple 5 figures and working my way ever wealthier, slowly, bit by bit. I'm fortunate to have the support of family that does help me do this via low cost living arrangements. My point is that not being born into money doesn't mean you can't earn and accumulate any. There are plenty of self made multimillionaires who came from poverty.

The author doesn't say you deserve to be alone.. he's suggesting that if you do what it takes to earn it, you can earn your spot as a more attractive person & not be alone.

i'm better off alone at this point, I refuse to put other people upon a pedestal to be desired. it is a nasty mercenary "I've got mine so screw you!" world and I refuse to cooperate with it, and I will just bide my time in it as long as i'm required.

Paternalistic lecturing aside I don't think 'try harder' is good advice, I am aware of what qualities society values and that the issues I have with these other aspects of life and that with relationships are all related. That really isn't a mystery to me and that message that all that matters is the pursuit of money and how much you can provide is something that has been pounded repeatedly into my head since I was a child. Basically everything is a commodity but you're supposed to pretend it isn't and are a bad person if you follow the ends of that logic, that's what I am getting out of this. What is this about earning someone? Talk about objectification! I read this article and I feel like responding f you to the author, remember when cracked.com use to try to be a funny?

Plenty of poor people get into relationships. So do lots of unfit, overweight people.

There is no "one size fits all" advice. The only constant with relationships is that you have to be a real creep to be perpetually single.

^^^rather than see people like me as mere long-time denizens of the creepzone, I prefer reframing it as a general rejection of capitalism, a lack of enthusiasm at best for a nasty system, and a grudging marginal cooperation with it only where the choice is cooperate or die.

Always look on the bright side of life.. *whistles* That's about the best possible way to reframe that!

for those who are not members of the talented class, there is no "bright side" - only dark and less dark. less dark at least has some light in it.

That reminds me, I stopped by a local shop to buy one of my favourite chocolates the other day only to find out that they stopped carrying that brand around the last time I bought it a year and a half ago. :/ I had to settle for trying a bar of their store brand blueberry chocolate that was 72% cocoa when what I wanted was a bar of blueberry lavender chocolate that's 59% cocoa - less darkness with a little flower light in it. Ah well, I'll have to find an online retailer if they're still in business. Perhaps all is not lost and the bright side is that you just reminded me to google it!

Once again, I guess 95% of the population must have much higher than me, as the only thing a girl would have to 'earn' from me is my ability to trust her, rely and depend on her.

Of course niceness doesn't pay the bills but personally I value sustainability over excessive luxury and hedonism.

So a nice guy with a min. wage job is still valued less and considered to have very little to offer than a higher-earner.

But anyway, isn't it 2016?

I thought the dreaded Feminism suggests women are 'strong' and 'independent', so why, why oh why would they need to retain such high standards?

Because she doesn't want a man who depends on her?

Well, what if he has a min. wage job and doesn't depend on her but is independent?

Because reasons?

Being successful shows he's hardworking and ambitious?

Well, again, the woman who needs a high earner must have much higher standards than me because I don't correlate hardwork and ambitiousness with education level and monetary income, I associate it with real-life evidence the person has shown me.

Any spoiled 18 year old can be payed through university by their family and because he's N.T. land a simple cushy PT job, it's the aspies, the people disadvantaged from the get-go, the one's who pay their way through university while juggling English lessons and two PT jobs that are truly the hardworking and ambitious ones that have a story to tell.

Even the severely disabled person who may not have ever had a job or studied but is working very hard to live alone, drive, etc. what most N.T.'s consider 'the baseline', I would consider hardworking if the person was disadvantaged from the get-go.

As you can clearly see here a good majority of the males responding clearly don't give two sh*ts about subscribing themselves to the 'rat race' and just want a NICE woman that they are compatible with, attracted to, trust and love over anything else.

With regards to your herbs and traditional medicines to overcome your disabilities, this is largely dependent on brain chemistry and while it may work for some, a good number of aspie men here probably wouldn't react the same way.

Personally I already take a wide variety of traditional medicines processed into capsule form for improvement in cognition, focus, energy, sleep, mood, etc. along with good diet and exercise, good rest, etc. and yes they help, but it wasn't a cure-all fix-all for me.

Nor has therapy, medication or amatuer bodybuilding made me 'overcome' my Apsergers.

Yes, I am in such a better position physically and mentally a few years ago but I'm still not up to par with the average N.T. even MY age let alone when I'll be an older adult and fall further behind if I don't attempt to catch-up.

Life is a marathon, not a sprint but it's better you at least jog the marathon than walk, otherwise people will just think you were never even trying.

Unlike you, a good majority of the men and women here cannot just pick themselves up by their bootstraps and make life-altering changes within a few years.

Some, if not the vast majority here are already using massive amounts of treatment methods including therapy, medication, and trying to leave their comfort zone all the time through studying at university, working jobs, getting out to social events and trying to meet people and women as much as possible, etc.

Seems we're doomed to fail though because we don't subscribe to the same principles that you and a good bulk of N.T. society, particularly women, do.


What's all that dating advice constantly thrown around?

Just BE URSELZ? Just have CAWKFIDANCE?

Yes, most NT women would likely choose a higher earning male - but not just for the money, also for the qualities of an Alpha that make him a higher earning male.

I never said that I value money/income in a partner. Ever. I don't earn much (below the average income in BC) and the guy I've been dating recently earns far less & that's not even been a consideration for me. I'm autistic, we don't tend to do as NT's do. I don't measure his value or attractiveness by the size of his paycheque.

Aside: As for $$ the reason I have as much of it saved and invested as I do isn't because I earn a lot.. it's because I don't care for BS material things I don't need. I value people over things. My car is pretty well only worth scrap value. My work clothes cost $2-8 at thrift stores. My sporting goods are older than most peoples' cars. I'm not wasteful. And once I hit the reset button via bankruptcy right around the time I figured out how to treat my ASD symptoms, I decided I wasn't going to waste any of my second chances - my financial life included.

There was a time I couldn't just "pick myself up by my bootstraps" as you call it. Suicidally depressed for months on end, crippling anxiety etc - which all seems like a distant past life now. I've had to work incredibly hard to get to the happy balanced place I am now. I wasn't born like this and it wasn't handed to me. I worked hard and earned it. I've also been incredibly transparent about my process & protocol, which btw is more than just consuming some herbs. The single most important and effective part of what I do is the regular 3-5L enemas of filtered water/salt & organic apple cider vinegar to cleanse the large intestine/colon of whatever bacteria/neurotoxin to the enteric nervous system that causes ASD symptoms to greatly amplify. Well, that and the probiotics taken both orally & rectally. Gross science, but, it works.

That's basically the plot of The Invisible Man, a good scientist who becomes a criminal after he finds a way to render himself invisible.

It's also the plot of the Ring of Gyges from Plato's Republic. Much like Tolkien's ring, the Ring of Gyges makes the wearer invisible. The character Glaucon suggests that morality is only a social construction, the source of which is the desire to maintain one's reputation for virtue and justice. Hence, if that sanction were removed by wearing the ring, one's moral character would evaporate.

Self made millionaires who come from poverty are the exception not the rule. Also it is kind of hard to accumulate money when you have to spend it all on bills and needs. I myself am on SSI but my boyfriend works and yeah he doesn't end up with money left over to save and accumulate....it all goes to monthly expenses, sometimes he is able to save a bit of back up money. But yeah I don't know anyone who is in a position to accumulate much money, unless they win the lottery or something.