Incredibly in love with an Aspie Man. Need tips

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Recovery time roughly matched the time we spent together. I wouldn't hear from him for a few days after we spent eg a weekend together. And I 'had to sit on my hands' not to contact him. (but that was mostly because i felt very insecure and was afraid he wouldn't call me ever again ) After a vacation together, he would see me, but he then was very tired and non-communicative, or grumpy. And then i learned it was wisest to let him alone a few days instead of pushing it.

I recall feeling very much like he was definitely not that into me as i was into him, but as it turned out, that was really part of the aspie way of communicating, rather than him not loving me...
I can't say if your case is the same of course. I of course hope so. And hope you both can find a modus that is fine for both.

We found out that chatting via hangouts or whatsapp is a good inbetween solution for the days we are not together. For him it's easier than talking on the phone, and we can both type or answer whenever it suits us. We keep in contact during the day and always 'kiss' eachother goodnight via chat. Together without having to be in the same house all the time.

This is true! This is really true

This is me

Indeed! Thanks for the explanation, my aspie thinks about favours the same way.
I found the ASD version very refreshing and it got me thinking about why (a lot of) NT people think favours should be returned. Or that someone can 'owe' you something.
i think the ASD version is refrshingly honest / sincere. Doing something for someone, not expecting anything in return. I appreciate that.

Although theres a social aspect of the returning of favours that i like; It's that helping each other makes the bond stronger. It tells us we can count on each other. Not that i make lists of things i do for people and check boxes if they return a favour But it's some sort of unconscious protection against a relationship going askew. One becoming too much of a giver and the other one a taker feels not right. If it drains the giver, and the taker thrives without giving back. The 'owing' of favours keeps it a little bit more balanced.

'Unsollicited favours' might be a complicated topic. I might do something for my aspie because i think he likes it, but it turns out he doesn't. My intention then is not 'buying' myself a return favour. We don't (always ) have a shady double agenda thing going on

[hug]

I do think that that fear is also quite 'normal' in a relationship that's becoming serious. ASD or NT and in any combination. When the relationship deepens, or gets more serious, you open up to each other, and make yourself very vulnerable. If you open up your heart, the risk is higher that your heart will be hurt. And thats scary .
I've been through these phases with all my (longer) relationships. But with my aspie it was even worse, because of the lack of confirmation.
What i learned, and maybe it helps, is that ASD types generally are VERY honest (in the negative and positive way). So they can be very unsubtle in telling what they don't like (about you), but if he tells you he loves you, he means it.
And no need to confirm that status until something changes. (for them )

Mine told me he doesn't know what 'love' is. (when i asked him if he loved me). Especially in the beginning, all i had to go with was things like 'i don't mind if you are here', or 'i like your company'. Pfff. So much for romance...
I gave up asking for romantic affirmations. I instead started giving him two options, when i was seriously in doubt about his intentions: do you want to stay in a relationship or do you want it to end? Would you rather be with me or without me? And as long as he answers 'with you', i guess that means we're OK.

A few years into our relationship, we're now at a point where he told me one time 'he wouldn't mind to spend the rest of our lives together'. I guess thats the closest we'll get to 'you are the love of my life, i love you to the moon and back, forever and ever'

Hi Operator of this Thread (OP). Try this book.

Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships

Lucky man your one!

Just go and tell him how you feel. If you take a look around in this forum you'll see how needy and lonely many of us neurodiverse men feel about women. If he feels the same it'll be joy for both of you. Don't be afraid of rejection.

I've been insecure since the very start but it is slowly improving especially that I have a better understand of my SO. I'm working on myself at the same time.

Yes, I strongly agree with you that they are honest so I make it a habit to remind myself that everything is okay and it's just my insecurities acting him. I tell myself that if there is something wrong, he will surely tell me.



That is sweet. That is very, very sweet I'm so happy for you

Thank you! Will take a look at this

And I am lucky to have him! I've been slowly trying to tell him how I feel but in a very careful manner. Fear of Rejection - Yup, I have this alright!

Haha LOL!