To all the bitter men

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I too can't get a high paying job simply because I'm incapable of working most jobs at all - I am on Australian disability payment from the welfare system.

The reason many men complain here of the high standards of women is because, well, a lot of men with Aspergers are less successful than the average N.T. man, and so we might find it much harder, if not impossible to do things like work a job, drive, live alone, etc.

If the average N.T. man isn't even good enough for some women, then you can imagine just how hopeless many aspie men must feel, because being as successful as the average N.T. man is something some of us can only dream of.

A lot of us still ARE trying though to do all these things and live a normal life, but it significantly reduces our dating pool.

If you complain on almost any other website you get so many men and women saying "You are NOT entitled to a relationship just for existing, you must put in the work, you must be hardworking and have a successful career, you must be improving yourself, etc." but never seem to suggest that maybe some, and I only mean some, women should think about being more flexible with their standards.

I'd bet $1,000 that many, but not all, of the men with Aspergers here don't really care about a woman's job, if she lives alone, income, etc. and just want a caring woman who they are compatible with and loves us for who we are.

You do sound like quite an intelligent individual in my opinion.

I respect and admire the fact you work for something you are passionate about rather than simply following the money.

You have worked hard to achieve the body you have and I am envious (in a good way). I've been lifting weights since 16 but never made any good progress because I wasn't training my muscles hard enough. Since breaking my wrist I've lost some weight in muscle and fat and am halfway back to where I started. In 2 years I gained 33lbs and in the last 2.5 months have lost 11lbs though I am trying to maintain my current weight.

I lost the 11lbs accidentally. Since I couldn't lift weights due to my injury I decided to reduce calories but did so a little too much and lost weight at a steady and healthy pace.

I hope once I begin again I can finally do things right.

I'm so jealous of so many guys my age. Most guys my age are either skinnier than me but at least they have a low body fat and six pack abs, and many are more muscular than me and I'm jealous of them for obvious reasons.

I am 5'9'' 154lbs.

Anyway, I also like the fact you appear to strongly believe in individual choice rather than conforming to social norms.

Pardon me, but don't speak to me like that - it's rude. Also, I'm not bitter. I'm tired as hell hearing all the negativity and people feeling sorry for themselves. I pointed out the women bashing in this thread and that is all it's going to become - another women bashing thread. I'm tired of men feeling sorry for themselves and thinking they have the worst end of things. BS! Grow up. You have no idea what it is like being a woman on her own having to support herself while also having to worry if she will find a suitable husband before her biological clock runs out. To women, MEN have it easier. Men don't have to worry about getting pregnant and trying to find a way to support unplanned pregnancies because men don't want to take responsibility. Then once men get married, it's the woman also having to work and most of the time, take care of the kids. That's the reality of it all. So yes, men really just have to find a great paying job and the rest will pretty much take care of itself, IMO.

AND another thing because I'm not finished. Men also don't have to worry about an age factor. They can date women 10-20 yrs their junior. Go on the dating sites and you will see men only wanting women their age or younger. It's pretty much taboo for women to date much younger men. Women have to constantly worry about keeping themselves young looking and attractive. Butt-ugly men with a lot of money have no problem such as that (I can give you example after example that this is true.)

I wouldn't be too worried women find passion sexy. That's why you get women going after starving artists or charity workers (that and helping others is so goddamn attractive. In fact there is science behind this if you are seen helping children or animals women are more attracted to you)

My partner is in a low paying job and I don't care because everything he does he puts hard work and passion into. Ambition isn't just wealth

AND something else. If you see my posts before, I try to give a positive way to go about giving Aspie men support through a support group, but no one commented on that. I'm more of a fixer - I will listen to a person say what their "problem" is, but I will not help them to wallow in self pity. I know that I'm not where I want to be when it comes to being married and such, BUT I accept my circumstances and try to make the most of them. That is why I'm not sitting at home and feeling sorry for myself. Instead, I'm trying to better myself with more education and staying focused on the positives so I will be ready for if and when that special Hunny should come along. I've already come to terms that I will never have a family because it is too late for that for me now, but I would be perfectly content to find a Hunny who would like to be married and have fun traveling and just enjoying life. I would like to see the men on this forum come up with some positive ideas for a change like Dox47 starting that Aspie support group or that other poster who said he had "steps" for Aspie men that would make dating easier. I tried to get him to reveal what these were. Nothing comes out of being negative all of the time. I wish someone would do a positive thread for once.

I really don't see a bunch of women lining up to marry starving artists - most want to marry the men that can afford to buy the expensive artwork.

Are you being serious? You really want to have a family with someone who can't support a family? I know that you are going to college, so it doesn't matter to you that a future spouse wouldn't have the same ambitions? And how do you expect to have the kids, the house, the cars without a husband with a decent paying job?

But she's realistic. Other opinions on this site often are very idealistic and don't represent real life very well. We need more people like Nurseangela here.

Thank you, Mr. 314pe. I'm sorry if I'm painting a bad picture here, but it is reality. And I like Allie's posts, but younger women saying that they don't care whether men have decent paying jobs is a fallacy and it's making younger men think that their education and finding a decent job isn't important. It is important. I'm not saying you will never have a family and get married on a lower paying job, but being educated with a good job will definitely help and be more attractive. Women want a guy who can support a family and kids. That's why I am having a hard time because all of the guys with good paying jobs are already taken.

Don't be making automatic-assumptions that everybody is full of bitterness. The main problems with society stem from a combination of false religious-teachings about sex and self-destructive Statism-indoctrinations about how everybody is taught to worship a false-idol that is often referred to as government. The first thing you need to fix is your MIND so that you stop letting your emotions be controlled by surface-logic.

What you «perceive» as a «rejection» is really just an «opportunity» for you to create an «entertaining» dialogue/inter-action. Hm, let me see, yes, even I might «entertain» myself with scenarios like this...

Girl : «Um, I don't... really want to hug you.»
Self : «Yes you do.
Girl : «No I don't.»
Self : «Of course you do ! ...because I'm like... totally hot stuff ! ;D»
(Happily go about doing those muscle-flexing routines like some sort of professional body-builder)
Girl : «You're weird.»
Self : «What...? I am hot stud, whom you cannot resist, you say ?»
Girl : «uh............» (dumb-founded)
Self : «You know it's true...! »
(This is where the self might start doing more entertaining things... like break-dancing)

This is just one scenario out of many that can be «played» out.

I shall also mention that I used to go into these chat-rooms on Kongregate (Flash-Games Web-Site) and just randomly suddenly type/emote into which-ever chat-room that I suddenly hug everybody in the room at random or something to that effect. Try it in a high-population-room where there are many girl-gamers on-line (a lot of girls seem to log on into that site less for the games and more for the on-line social-interaction). You might just find that one or more of those girls will choose to emote-hug you back, and if you keep that up together, she might even private-message you (or you could begin your potential on-line dating by private-messaging a hug to her and start a private-conversation).

She might even be open to the idea of having a relationship with you if you're consistently having a dialogue and exchanging text-huggings with her each day (whether you'd be able to make plans to be able to meet in the real-world becomes another challenge but I've seen it done before where this Aspie and some girl from my former not-related-to-Kongregate but from-another-game guild actually booked flights to come live with me for a while and he finally lost his damn virginity to her but boy were they a messy couple who couldn't keep the place organised nor clean up after their own mess so I had to move out and go my own way).

Logically, from my experiences/observations, the main issue with Aspie-guys having difficulty with being able to spark interest from women is primarily due to the combination of the lack-of-experience with lack-of-confidence of which combination is almost like a Catch-22 Quandary. Experience is generally needed for Confidence and Confidence is usually needed to gain Experience. Also, most Aspies tend to be late-bloomers, and it is not uncommon for Aspies to wait/hesitate/procrastinate until they are in their 20s or 30s or sometimes even older until they start doing things that others started doing in their teen-years. Additionally, I think Aspies tend to have a greater aversion of drama than NTs, thus the reluctance to have any social-interaction with most people. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing... Aspies are like elves in many ways in comparison to the human counter-parts who age and get wrinkled skin faster than the elf.

P.S.: I am not posting as a so-called bitter man, although I suppose I used to be one, for there are ways to use hypno-therapy style techniques to help you reprogram your sub-conscious mind, but it is up to you to choose to accept my mental-programs to be installed into your mental/psychological-software. High-end computer-rig does no good if its host does not bother to install effective O/S or software. Metaphors, and parables, I tell you !

Assuming either person involved in a particular relationship even want kids.

Well, I'm not going to have any kids now. However, I don't want to have to work more to support someone else who isn't making much just so I can have a relationship. That's why I'm looking for someone who is pretty much an equal so we can spend more time together and not more time at our jobs.

I don't agree with these men that believe women have it easier at all, personally.

The only thing I am willing to bet is that a lot of men have a lot more trouble dealing with loneliness and social isolation than women do, that or women are much, much better at keeping it all inside or only complaining to their female friends about it.

Social isolation, that is no friends, no girlfriend, and not many/no family, has been massively proven by psychologists to cause low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and pre-mature death.

The elderly also suffer from this sort of loneliness.

Why is it there are so many lonely men complaining online in the first place? So much more than it appears to be for women?

I'm not just talking about Wrongplanet, which is a male dominated website.

I have seen this all over the internet.

I understand why you see it as whiny and unattractive. In fact most people do.

Some of us however actually see that as a problem. Not a problem because people find it 'unattractive', but because no matter where you go, no matter what forum or space, it seems men can't complain about being lonely without being criticized, shamed, guilted, called pathetic, loser, etc.

You are one of the most polite and civil person to ever have a problem with lonely men who complain.

Lonely men can't complain online about being single. Ever.

I'm not talking about the bitter, misogynistic a55es who are sexist towards women.

Those men are different to the sad depressed guy who's been trying to work hard his whole life and has tried meeting and getting to know women and has always been positive but consistently failed.

See, if you have no girlfriend, no friends and no family, whenever you feel sad or depressed, who the heck are you supposed to complain to?

Most people share their fears, worries, etc. with family and friends.

Even the men with friends often can't complain to their friends because their friends will ignore them and try to change the subject.

And there's only so much you can complain to your family about before they get sick of you.

Better to complain anonymously online on as many websites as you want, whenever you want and with other lonely people who share your pain than to be a negative, miserable bastard in real life, right?



This has little to do with improvement.

I complain all the time about how lonely I am but am very far down the 'self-improvement' path.

It's just even if you self-improve, you need to have people in your life, family friends and love.

I could come online and complain after another hard day's work volunteering at the Zoo, I could complain online after another heavy workout, I could complain online after coming home in my ferrari from my $100,000 per year job as a Manager at some place, etc.

Loneliness and social isolation come in all shapes and forms.

Not all of them are unfit, unattractive jobless slobs who put no effort into their health, hygiene or appearance.

A good example is the user Ecomatt.

He is confident, hardworking, has a job, has two degrees, has publicly spoken at multiple events, is an active environmentalist, has volunteered for many groups, travelled to New York, Hong Kong and other places around the world, is fit, average looking, meets new people all the time, has good number of friends, he's like a 25 year old virgin now, he has Aspergers and is legally deaf. He made a humanitarian effort in Hong Kong to help the poor or something.

Heck, even Alex is single I'm pretty sure.

ALEX.

Programmer, world traveler, web series and tv series producer, charismatic, average looking, confident, has acted before, in average shape, etc.

Alex never complains about being single, but Ecomatt does. All the time, in fact.

And you know what, in my opinion, if someone HAS improved their life and tried meeting women and is still single after several years?

They've EARNED the right to complain.

I also think you've earned the right to complain.

You don't have to be so positive and super optimistic all the time, but if you want to that's fine.

I try to but I know I can't always keep it up.

I actually don't believe WP is a "male-dominated" website.

Maybe in some of the technology-oriented subforums, this is true.

But not within WP as a whole.

Woman have a strong voice here.

The more my depression improves the less interest I have in getting a girlfriend.