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kraftiekortie
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17 Feb 2017, 6:40 pm

If some woman created a "relationship agreement" for our relationship, I would tear it up.

I don't believe in that stuff....nor in prenuptial agreements.

Even though my wife has much more money than I do.



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17 Feb 2017, 6:57 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
If some woman created a "relationship agreement" for our relationship, I would tear it up.


That's my point. A "friends first" phase would let us get to know each other well enough that we would both learn things like whether the other prefers to let a relationship develop organically. or in a structured way.



kraftiekortie
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17 Feb 2017, 6:59 pm

Have you ever told a guy that you love him 3.14 to the Googol Power?

That would be something!

Seriously....I do agree with you that "friends first" usually is the best approach.



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18 Feb 2017, 6:12 am

Alliekit wrote:
MaxE wrote:
Two people can become lovers during the course of a evening.

It usually takes much more time and association for any two people to become friends.

Why can't she just say she wants to hang out first and see what happens?

Probably she assumes that all guys on dating sites expect sex on the first meet-up. If that's true, then I suspect those guys are pathetic losers (plus possibly a small number of players who are extremely adept at seduction an publicize their successes to the rest of the world).

If "being friends" is code for "not having sex with a total stranger" then I feel sorry for the current state of the English language.


You literally assumed about her assuming. Is it not possible she likes time to get to know someone first.
Not exactly true. I had gotten confused and was thinking the OP was a guy who had been told this by a female contact on a dating site. This is what I get for posting before I've had my morning coffee. Nevertheless, I still stand by what I said before about how the word "friends" is used in this situation.


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MaxE
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18 Feb 2017, 6:21 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Even in the 1960s, most people didn't have casual sex like it is portrayed in places like Woodstock.

In fact, the most casual sex, to me, probably occurred from the late 1970s to about 1985 or so, when it was acknowledged that heterosexuals could get AIDS, as well as homosexuals.
I agree 100% with your timeline. That coincides almost exactly to the period between when I had my first girlfriend (1973) and when I got married (1985).

But the concept of "casual sex" was different then. Often it was more of a feminist thing. Some young women felt they had the right to have sex with whomever they wished, without being judged. For example, if a college girl decided she wanted to have sex with the point guard on the basketball team (and a couple of his friends) just for the experience, she might do it, and brag about it afterward. The whole concept of "slut shaming" didn't seem to have developed yet. On the other hand, these same young women would only have sex on their own terms. They at least believed they had total control of their own sex life. They would never have allowed themselves to be "used".


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MaxE
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18 Feb 2017, 6:32 am

General remark. I have never experienced Internet dating, but I would think if any two people are lucky enough to meet on line and decide to meet up in person, they should be excited about meeting a new person and the possibility that some sort of romance might develop.

But "romance" (however you define it) is the key concept. I would think that if you have such a meet-up and nothing develops, then probably you're not going to go on seeing that person.

As far as romance is concerned, you might end up actually falling in love with each other, or you might just be turned on by each other and want to have some kind of fling. It's ultimately up to the two parties involved. It's altogether possible that two people might meet for the first time, and after some interaction, decide they want to have sex with each other that day, even though it wasn't necessarily expected. If that happens, it's nothing to be ashamed about. It's their mutual decision to make if they choose. And those two people might also end up spending the rest of their lives together. Or they might soon decide they really don't want to hang out together anymore. But to me, this is an entirely different aspect of life than developing friendships.

Bottom line is that people shouldn't worry so much what rules they need to follow.


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Ecomatt91
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18 Feb 2017, 9:20 pm

MaxE that is not true. Its very extremely dictating to someone to say "Wait, be patient", "Dont rush" and, etc. Its such a BS society we fyucking up. I wish I am dead.



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19 Feb 2017, 6:02 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:
MaxE that is not true. Its very extremely dictating to someone to say "Wait, be patient", "Dont rush" and, etc. Its such a BS society we fyucking up. I wish I am dead.
What is not true? Sorry I just don't know what thing that I have said, that you are responding to - I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. I hope you got some sleep last night.


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Alliekit
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19 Feb 2017, 6:11 am

MaxE wrote:
General remark. I have never experienced Internet dating, but I would think if any two people are lucky enough to meet on line and decide to meet up in person, they should be excited about meeting a new person and the possibility that some sort of romance might develop.

But "romance" (however you define it) is the key concept. I would think that if you have such a meet-up and nothing develops, then probably you're not going to go on seeing that person.

As far as romance is concerned, you might end up actually falling in love with each other, or you might just be turned on by each other and want to have some kind of fling. It's ultimately up to the two parties involved. It's altogether possible that two people might meet for the first time, and after some interaction, decide they want to have sex with each other that day, even though it wasn't necessarily expected. If that happens, it's nothing to be ashamed about. It's their mutual decision to make if they choose. And those two people might also end up spending the rest of their lives together. Or they might soon decide they really don't want to hang out together anymore. But to me, this is an entirely different aspect of life than developing friendships.

Bottom line is that people shouldn't worry so much what rules they need to follow.


I agree with you here