Can you be happy while you're single?

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Walking is one of my favourite things. I started an instagram account to gamify my walks and make it a bit more interesting. Each time I go for a walk I look for interesting things to photograph.

But I'm a woman, single and not having sex, and I'm happier that way. I feel the same about relationships being suffocating and will try dating like once every 2 years to appease my family. But it always ends up with some guy trying to control me. Same when I tried to set up a similar thing as lunella. They caught feelings and tried to control me. So I'm happier single and celibate (though the fact that it's by conscious choice probably has something to do with that).

90% of straight, gay, and romantic Asexual people are not happy being single.

The other 10% are either liars, deniers, Aromantic Asexuals, or the tiny, tiny portion of straight/gay/romantic needing
people who actually are happy being single. These people are exceptionally rare.

Most people who claim to be happy single do so to feel better about themselves and the fact they're lonely, many people who claim they are happy single or a relationship won't make you happy have just gotten out of a relationship.

Many of them will be looking for another relationship once again within 6-12 months, often not without a bit of casual sex or flings here and there. Not truly Forever Alone.

Many people who had a bad relationship tell themselves being single is better than a relationship (bullsh*t, a good
relationship is better than being single), again to feel better about the fact they had sh*t experiences.

The tiny number of people who are happy being single very often at least have good friends and family in their life.

If you don't have these things either - no relationship, no friends, and very few/no family that actually cares about you, then it's very unlikely you're going to be happy alone.

Humans are social creatures and need some form of a healthy social life for their mental health and wellbeing.

This is what most people don't understand when I say I'm just not happy being single.

If you say you're not happy being single, people think that means:

"I have 3-5 friends who I see regularly, and a decent family that cares about me. I also have a job and study, and
often talk to my aqcuaintances at work and in class. But I don't have a relationship."

They assume this is what YOU have, because this is what THEY have when they're single.

Only a tiny portion of people can be happy having no relationship, no friends, and very few/no family who care about them. I would say these people fall into the 0.0000001%.

There have been a few geniuses and such throughout history who had no relationship and no friends and not much family who care about them, but I'm not one of them.

I'm the average 18 year old, not the 0.0000001%.

Not the one in a billion who can be happy having no girlfriend, no friends and no family.

Most people can't fathom the idea that some people are extremely lonely and isolated, they think most single people have a small social circle of friends or a best friend and family they're on good terms with, because this is EXACTLY what 90% of single people under 60 have but it doesn't apply to everyone.

The only people that the general population know sometimes suffer from isolation are the elderly.

Most people would think 99.99% of 18 year olds aren't isolated from society and have NO social life to speak of just as
much as an 88 year old would be.

And I guess sadly that would be true - 99% of 18 year old Aussies probably really AREN'T as isolated as I am.

So yay me for falling into the 1% then I guess.

The only friends I have, all live too far away. I met them all in-person first, but either I moved away or they did, so now I've got friends 2,000km north and 2,000km south.

Seriously. I'm not joking. 2 friends are about 1,400km north, another friend about 1,600km south.

3 out of 4 of my friends are on the other side of the country in both directions and I'm sandwiched in the centre.

My best friend, the closest and 4hrs away?

Well, to be honest I've started to think for a long time now, I'm not sure if our friendship is going to last...

From now on, whenever someone says they are happy being single, I'm going to ask them if they have friends.

The answer, which will probably be 'yes' 99% of the time, will probably make me feel worse but it'll prove my point.

If you're happy being single, you have FRIENDS, an active casual sex life, or both. 'Nuff said.

To me friends are a good distraction from love but not a replacement for it. We all need love, but relationships are hard so it's easier to simply deny or lie.

I repeat this for the nth time, I don't consider the women who are voluntary celibate (which are so common here on WP) are the equivalent of involuntary of voluntary celibate women and men (the latter are so common here too).

It's a totally different case.

The biggest difference perhaps is self worth. When you're voluntary celibate you at least know that if you wanted you could find a person who finds you attractive enough to spend a night with. When you're involuntary celibate, you know that nobody likes you enough to even spend one night. And you can buy intimacy but you can't buy this feeling of self worth.

Yes, I can be happy while I'm single.

Ok i concede here: I could send a single text and have a date within the hour if I were one to go for that. Not saying I'm attractive but definitely not horrendous + a woman in my early 30s so most of us are not eligible. So the odds are admittedly stacked in my favor.

And yes I have close relationships with colleagues, friends and family so that's probably why I'm okay with some - much needed - solitude at home.

I'm not even saying I'll never be in a relationship again, but the thing is just being single so long, it will have to be worth giving up this life that is sincerely tailor-made to accommodate my wiring. Maybe it's an aspie thing but everything in my house is the way I want it and since I work long hours at a high pressure job (really fun and rewarding, not complaining) the last thing I need is to have to accommodate another person when I get home. There's just no energy left for anything other than recharging and to me, relationships are draining. Maybe not once you're 'settled' but the first years? Ugh...

And to have sex outside of a relationship weirds me out, not when other ppl do it, just for me personally.


So I get how people can struggle with being single... but calling everyone says they're happy that way a liar, isn't really fair or accurate imo.

I'd say I'm happy being single. I mean, there are times where I think it would be nice to find someone, but for the most part, I don't let it bug me. I just keep busy by focusing on other stuff that makes me happy.

It is definitely possible to be happy while single.

I am actually at a point now, where I have a hard time imagining myself craving a relationship ever again. Being single is lower stress, I have more time and money to do the things I want. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want to, and I don't like the thought of that being taken away from me.

I might change stance on it, if I meet someone who's that amazing and stressfree to be around, but I really do find the idealization of love, and the "romance fantasy", to be really cringy and unrealistic.

It's possible, but hard. After a while, the loneliness just gets to you. The fact that I pretty much don't have any good friends also complicates this as well. I guess I distract myself. Get a new toy or gadget and I'm excited and enjoy it for a while and I feel happy, but when you don't have anyone to talk to about it (or anything else) or share anything with, it's hard to remain happy. I'm probably more of an extreme example, however. I'm 38 and have never had any kind girlfriend and the last close, good friendship I had ended in 2008.

I agree with you, because that's sure what I didn't say.

I said a tiny portion truly are happy being single, but a lot of people who are happy being single say it after a bad relationship or break-up to feel better about themselves. This is very often the case.



Do you have friends?

Within the last 6 months, have you had casual sex at least once?



Do you have friends?

Within the last 6 months, have you had casual sex at least once?



Look, everyone!

Another gentleman here with no friends who admits it's possible, yet very hard.

I completely relate 100% Bataar.

I go through this too and it's not something I want to have to do for the rest of my life, constantly finding new things to distract myself with.

It shouldn't be necessary for happiness to distract yourself from all your problems.

No Outrider. Take it from someone older that's life. But you're focusing on the negative.

Rather than looking at it like that, think of it as we all have problems, no one is immune, so it's best to not focus your whole life on the things that haven't gone how you want. It makes you happier to look for positives and find things you do enjoy in life.

I do that all the time, that doesn't mean i still don't have my low points.

I sleep well, eat healthy, exercise, spend quality time with family, take anti stress and anxiety anxiety supplements, use every relaxation technique there is, get therapy, meditate, create music, volunteer, etc.

I like to spend as much time as possible doing what I love and enjoying my time doing it.

Problem is, I have far too much free time on my hands.

I don't need all this free time.

Its useless.

You can't say use that time to educate yourself, volunteer, do stuff you love, blah blah etc. Because that is exactly what I do. Its not enough. It just isn't.

Too Much time on my interests is a bad thing, I only feel stressed frustrated and burnt out.

I can't be Mr dedicate himself passionately to his hobbies 24/7.

The sad thing is the massive amounts of daily free time I have that I end up spending looking up negative things online that make me feel worse is the time any normal 18 year old my age would be spent socializing or studying.

And before you say stop spendong time on negative websites full of other lonely people I do.

I try to take breaks but im addicted like a drug because it feels so much better with people who know what im going through.

Longest I can last is two weeks though I hope to improve on that and never visit those websites ever again.

I haven't seen my best friend in person in about a year, nor spoken to him in about 10 days.

Another 'friend' about 2-3 weeks.

And finally the other 2 its been maybe 3 1/2 months.

Most young people just aren't designed to cope.

A lot of middle aged people basically only socialize with their SO and get used to having few/no friends but at least they have an SO.

The elserpy must suffer from isolation but there life is nearly over anyway

There's a difference between an 88 year old who has had friends and relationships throughout moat of his life spending The last 2-4 years of your life alone because your friends and SO are all dead and spending your entire life alone for 70 damn years worst case scenario.

Yeah it's frustrating. The quiet moments are the worst.

Then you have this thought process that goes round and round your head: "why am I not good enough for anyone? Am I really that different? Am I really that annoying?"

I usually end up watching TV to distract myself.

be glad you have had a relationship before