a frustration: unrealistic male friends

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Oh, please. That's BS and you know it.

of course you are correct devunea, i may resort to that soon.

Well, I don't think anyone can honestly say that they wouldn't like both, but expecting it, going for both unless you have both to offer, is another matter. Of course I would want a beautiful gf, but would very gladly settle for a nice girl with a compatible personality, even if she was plain. This seems to me the sensible thing to do even for attractive people - if you get someone with great looks, enjoy them while they last. But a lasting, happy relationship cannot be built on looks alone, not least because the looks will not last.

and oh i forgot that there was a one good looking girl who was fancied with this guy but he never showed any interest ..."not enough pretty" as he told me .

I think looks must play a part.

I couldn't have a romantic relationship with a girl I didn't find physically appealing... and I can't say I've ever been accused of being handsome (I certainly don't consider myself handsome).

Do I have unrealistic expectations? Maybe. However, I have managed to maintain a few relationships with what I consider very attractive women. The relationships began as friendships and it took a bit of effort to win the girls over, but that part is fun too.

Still, I can understand the op's feelings, if his 'unattractive' friends are hitting on pretty girls who clearly aren't interested at all; it would be pretty uncomfortable to watch.

I like pretty girls, but I don't pursue them unless they're acting a little bit more than polite!


I never get mad if an attractive woman rejects me for ‘shallow reasons’. I don’t like it, but I understand. I’ve been pursued by a few very nice, but not so attractive women and it makes me feel really horrible to reject them (I usually tell them I’m seeing someone), but I do it anyway.

That may seem like a really crappy way to be. I’m sorry. I just can’t fake things like that and I don’t expect others to fake it either.


Besides, attractiveness is a very subjective thing. It's as silly to settle for someone you don't find attractive as it is to chase someone who isn't attracted to you.

Well, thank goodness there's at least one of you

Regarding everyone who's talked about having friends that don't get when a woman isn't interested...isn't it weird that here we are with AS or whatever, and we're the ones getting that the person isn't interested? How's that work?

I guess in my case I just assume the worst because I have no real way of knowing if someone's interested in that way. Some of the stuff I've read has had stories of men with AS who don't get it, think interactions that are totally innocent means the woman likes them in that way. I just don't know/can't tell, so unfortunately I have to play it safe.

Add to that that it seems like everyone is already seeing someone, and that I don't go anywhere I could meet anyone and...well, this'll be a miracle if I ever meet the right person

Sometimes it pays to expect the best. Confidence is attractive to a lot of women. Take a chance. You might make a fool of yourself, you might get lucky.

I’m certainly not great at reading people, but there are a few easy signs that a girl might be interested if you’re paying attention...

Does she approach you sometimes or do you ALWAYS approach her?

Does she spend time alone with you or are you ALWAYS in public?

Does she touch you when she's talking to you? (good sign)

Does she talk about other guys with you? (very bad sign!)


As an example, me and my ex-wife:

We hit it off very quickly because she was very outgoing and had a good sense of humor. I have a pretty good sense of humor too, but I have to be comfortable and have something to work with. I met her in a work situation and because of our jobs, we had a lot of contact. We would laugh and joke around quite a bit, she was attracted to me but I still wasn’t sure...

Then one day, she was waiting for me in the parking lot after work. We began talking, again she was telling me she was interested but I still wasn’t sure. We were near my car and she suggested that we sit inside and talk, more telling me she was interested, more me not being sure!

So, we’re in my car talking and joking around. She starts kind of poking me and teasing me (letting me know she’s interested, I’m still clueless). I grab her hand, basically because her poking is annoying me!

I hold her hand and she tries to take it back, but I keep holding it (to annoy her). She asks me to let go, but I tell her I’m never letting go.... Then she gets this expression on her face even I can’t misunderstand!! !

I take a chance and I lean in. She leans in. We kiss.

Six years later, we’re in divorce court and she hates my guts!

Okay... bad ending, but it was fun while it lasted.

^bonuses for blind squirrel

If only I weren't poor. Personality didn't make the
list at all!

awhhh.. that's one happy squirrel..

saying that, i don't have alot of sympathy for the human blind squirrels out there. pretty much because 1. I hate hypocricy. who doesen't.. 2. it's a pathetic sight in general when guys just don't get it, having some random guy trying to pick me up usually turns my guts and get's me to feel dirty. Can't guys just wait to see if your interested, i mean get her attention then just wait to see if she gives you an extra look, if she don't; move on. It's nice to flirt, but it usually is one positive signal = a positiv signal from the other = you're free to go. Not one guy trying to jump a girl.

I do kickboxing. Honestly i'm just waiting for a guy to be Really out of line so i can give him a nice kick where it hurts.

Perhaps that's what these friends need.. they obivously don't get verbal rejection.

Last edited by Yasmine on 24 May 2007, 6:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Just be sure that you have the deadliness
to do it right. If you can't take them out
that way, it might just enrage them.

The way I tried to tell the guy I wasn't interested.

I dressed boringly and tried not to look nice
I always went home before tea time
I always met him in a crowded place
I told him never to touch or hug me, ever
I told him I didn't want to be his girlfriend
I never let him come to my house even when he asked to taste my cooking and meet my family
and more things but he still didn't get it.

Now I just won't see him for a while and maybe then he will get it.

But being attracted my looks is just natural, it's biology. I'm a romantic, but pushing that asside; The dating game is about finding somone roughly the same 'value' as yourself. This value include looks, status, being nice, intelligence, humour, being a caretaker. if you have, say, looks and humour, you might 'trade that off' to someone who has intelligence. And honestly it's not more shallow to go for looks. It's just another priority if you want to sacrifice all the other stuff to get a nice looking partner. (not that you can't find a person with all the qualities)

If the balance is wrong you can sometimes make up for it. That usually happens by the other person making more of an effort. Like caring alot for the other person, lettign the other person have more power over you than vice versa, or making an effort tu increase your value.

hm, this sounds so 'dry', i'd like to believe in love, life just got in the way..

ugh, game, I hate, hate when it is described this way. Why does it have to be a game? I don't want to play games. I hate that aspect. Why is it a game? I hate putting myself out there, but I hate even more having to play this silly little societally "approved" BS of a game. If I wanted to play a game, I'd play monopoly or something.

[/drunken rant]

I only wish I could see it as
a game.

reminds me of my ex-gf (were together for 5 yrs). We started as friends, the first thing that brought us together was a similar sense of humour. When I was pretty sure she wanted to be my gf (to anyone else it would've been obvious ages before), I just French kissed her (easier than verbal communication) and then told her that I was in love with her. Funny, she annswered she wasn't sure she loved me back, even though her response had been such that it was obvious even to me that she did.