12 May 2017, 4:28 pm
12 May 2017, 11:53 pm
This thread clinches the argument: it's extremely important to experience young love. When your responsibility load is relatively low, emotions run high, and affections are exchanged with reckless abandon. In your teens is ideal. But that's highly unrealistic for most aspie men, so in college is fairly optimal. That's when relationships are still fun. Experiencing that is important to lay the proper groundwork for relationships at an older age. Without getting that "fun" out of your system, I can safely say that you'll be ill-equipped for "adult" relationships.
You can absolutely find love at any age: 13, 33, or even 93. But at an older age, it's going to lack that feisty factor. You're not going to put a rubber spider on your partner's shoulder just for laughs. You're not going to swing dance to music on your phone in the middle of a sidewalk on a balmy summer night. You're not going to ride a rail line to the last station and back just for the heck of it. And you're not going to drink Slurpees with vodka mixed in while sitting on playground swings. Society will expect you to be serious, responsible, and romantic. That's all well and good... but that's not fun.
Again, "young love" is a must! Once you get past age 28, relationships become serious and boring. Not to mention, women become determined to find a husband and make a baby, not have fun. Which effectively eliminates any and all fun in an "adult" relationship. Trying to leapfrog from zero experience to "adult" relationships can be very unpleasant, and more importantly, unfun. Because you will not have had exposure to truly fun elements of romance.
I suppose I'm somewhat lucky. I got to experience those "young love" moments, albeit very briefly. Like alcohol-fueled makeouts with a random girl at a college party, while visiting a friend at another school; or dancing in a full embrace with an incredibly cute Israeli girl in a nightclub, after downing shots of Absinthe during a trip to Israel. That's pretty much it, but still. Even now, as a 33-year-old decrepit old fart, with 2 missing teeth and balding head, I get to experience a subset of the young love I missed out on. Namely, with a 22-year-old girl who's just a friend. While we don't go anything sexual, obviously, "little things" like hugging, holding hands, and dancing together, still happen with the same "affectionate recklessness" as between teenagers.
Even so, I feel like I missed out incredibly by never having had sufficient levels of "young love". To the point where I want nothing to do with "adult" relationships---I feel like I'm ill-equipped for them. Instead, I just want to hang out with female friends. And if need be, sex an escort or two---simultaneously! 
13 May 2017, 2:36 am
Aspie1 wrote:
This thread clinches the argument: it's extremely important to experience young love. When your responsibility load is relatively low, emotions run high, and affections are exchanged with reckless abandon. In your teens is ideal. But that's highly unrealistic for most aspie men, so in college is fairly optimal. That's when relationships are still fun. Experiencing that is important to lay the proper groundwork for relationships at an older age. Without getting that "fun" out of your system, I can safely say that you'll be ill-equipped for "adult" relationships.
You can absolutely find love at any age: 13, 33, or even 93. But at an older age, it's going to lack that feisty factor. You're not going to put a rubber spider on your partner's shoulder just for laughs. You're not going to swing dance to music on your phone in the middle of a sidewalk on a balmy summer night. You're not going to ride a rail line to the last station and back just for the heck of it. And you're not going to drink Slurpees with vodka mixed in while sitting on playground swings. Society will expect you to be serious, responsible, and romantic. That's all well and good... but that's not fun.
Again, "young love" is a must! Once you get past age 28, relationships become serious and boring. Not to mention, women become determined to find a husband and make a baby, not have fun. Which effectively eliminates any and all fun in an "adult" relationship. Trying to leapfrog from zero experience to "adult" relationships can be very unpleasant, and more importantly, unfun. Because you will not have had exposure to truly fun elements of romance.
I suppose I'm somewhat lucky. I got to experience those "young love" moments, albeit very briefly. Like alcohol-fueled makeouts with a random girl at a college party, while visiting a friend at another school; or dancing in a full embrace with an incredibly cute Israeli girl in a nightclub, after downing shots of Absinthe during a trip to Israel. That's pretty much it, but still. Even now, as a 33-year-old decrepit old fart, with 2 missing teeth and balding head, I get to experience a subset of the young love I missed out on. Namely, with a 22-year-old girl who's just a friend. While we don't go anything sexual, obviously, "little things" like hugging, holding hands, and dancing together, still happen with the same "affectionate recklessness" as between teenagers.
Even so, I feel like I missed out incredibly by never having had sufficient levels of "young love". To the point where I want nothing to do with "adult" relationships---I feel like I'm ill-equipped for them. Instead, I just want to hang out with female friends. And if need be, sex an escort or two---simultaneously!
You can absolutely find love at any age: 13, 33, or even 93. But at an older age, it's going to lack that feisty factor. You're not going to put a rubber spider on your partner's shoulder just for laughs. You're not going to swing dance to music on your phone in the middle of a sidewalk on a balmy summer night. You're not going to ride a rail line to the last station and back just for the heck of it. And you're not going to drink Slurpees with vodka mixed in while sitting on playground swings. Society will expect you to be serious, responsible, and romantic. That's all well and good... but that's not fun.
Again, "young love" is a must! Once you get past age 28, relationships become serious and boring. Not to mention, women become determined to find a husband and make a baby, not have fun. Which effectively eliminates any and all fun in an "adult" relationship. Trying to leapfrog from zero experience to "adult" relationships can be very unpleasant, and more importantly, unfun. Because you will not have had exposure to truly fun elements of romance.
I suppose I'm somewhat lucky. I got to experience those "young love" moments, albeit very briefly. Like alcohol-fueled makeouts with a random girl at a college party, while visiting a friend at another school; or dancing in a full embrace with an incredibly cute Israeli girl in a nightclub, after downing shots of Absinthe during a trip to Israel. That's pretty much it, but still. Even now, as a 33-year-old decrepit old fart, with 2 missing teeth and balding head, I get to experience a subset of the young love I missed out on. Namely, with a 22-year-old girl who's just a friend. While we don't go anything sexual, obviously, "little things" like hugging, holding hands, and dancing together, still happen with the same "affectionate recklessness" as between teenagers.
Even so, I feel like I missed out incredibly by never having had sufficient levels of "young love". To the point where I want nothing to do with "adult" relationships---I feel like I'm ill-equipped for them. Instead, I just want to hang out with female friends. And if need be, sex an escort or two---simultaneously!
Wow. I never thought about it this way, but I resonate alot with it. It's pretty depressing.
13 May 2017, 7:31 am
13 May 2017, 9:45 am
13 May 2017, 11:47 am
15 May 2017, 3:51 pm
15 May 2017, 10:28 pm
17 May 2017, 2:49 am
17 May 2017, 3:00 am
Aspie1 wrote:
This thread clinches the argument: it's extremely important to experience young love. When your responsibility load is relatively low, emotions run high, and affections are exchanged with reckless abandon. In your teens is ideal. But that's highly unrealistic for most aspie men, so in college is fairly optimal. That's when relationships are still fun. Experiencing that is important to lay the proper groundwork for relationships at an older age. Without getting that "fun" out of your system, I can safely say that you'll be ill-equipped for "adult" relationships.
You can absolutely find love at any age: 13, 33, or even 93. But at an older age, it's going to lack that feisty factor. You're not going to put a rubber spider on your partner's shoulder just for laughs. You're not going to swing dance to music on your phone in the middle of a sidewalk on a balmy summer night. You're not going to ride a rail line to the last station and back just for the heck of it. And you're not going to drink Slurpees with vodka mixed in while sitting on playground swings. Society will expect you to be serious, responsible, and romantic. That's all well and good... but that's not fun.
Again, "young love" is a must! Once you get past age 28, relationships become serious and boring. Not to mention, women become determined to find a husband and make a baby, not have fun. Which effectively eliminates any and all fun in an "adult" relationship. Trying to leapfrog from zero experience to "adult" relationships can be very unpleasant, and more importantly, unfun. Because you will not have had exposure to truly fun elements of romance.
I suppose I'm somewhat lucky. I got to experience those "young love" moments, albeit very briefly. Like alcohol-fueled makeouts with a random girl at a college party, while visiting a friend at another school; or dancing in a full embrace with an incredibly cute Israeli girl in a nightclub, after downing shots of Absinthe during a trip to Israel. That's pretty much it, but still. Even now, as a 33-year-old decrepit old fart, with 2 missing teeth and balding head, I get to experience a subset of the young love I missed out on. Namely, with a 22-year-old girl who's just a friend. While we don't go anything sexual, obviously, "little things" like hugging, holding hands, and dancing together, still happen with the same "affectionate recklessness" as between teenagers.
Even so, I feel like I missed out incredibly by never having had sufficient levels of "young love". To the point where I want nothing to do with "adult" relationships---I feel like I'm ill-equipped for them. Instead, I just want to hang out with female friends. And if need be, sex an escort or two---simultaneously!
You can absolutely find love at any age: 13, 33, or even 93. But at an older age, it's going to lack that feisty factor. You're not going to put a rubber spider on your partner's shoulder just for laughs. You're not going to swing dance to music on your phone in the middle of a sidewalk on a balmy summer night. You're not going to ride a rail line to the last station and back just for the heck of it. And you're not going to drink Slurpees with vodka mixed in while sitting on playground swings. Society will expect you to be serious, responsible, and romantic. That's all well and good... but that's not fun.
Again, "young love" is a must! Once you get past age 28, relationships become serious and boring. Not to mention, women become determined to find a husband and make a baby, not have fun. Which effectively eliminates any and all fun in an "adult" relationship. Trying to leapfrog from zero experience to "adult" relationships can be very unpleasant, and more importantly, unfun. Because you will not have had exposure to truly fun elements of romance.
I suppose I'm somewhat lucky. I got to experience those "young love" moments, albeit very briefly. Like alcohol-fueled makeouts with a random girl at a college party, while visiting a friend at another school; or dancing in a full embrace with an incredibly cute Israeli girl in a nightclub, after downing shots of Absinthe during a trip to Israel. That's pretty much it, but still. Even now, as a 33-year-old decrepit old fart, with 2 missing teeth and balding head, I get to experience a subset of the young love I missed out on. Namely, with a 22-year-old girl who's just a friend. While we don't go anything sexual, obviously, "little things" like hugging, holding hands, and dancing together, still happen with the same "affectionate recklessness" as between teenagers.
Even so, I feel like I missed out incredibly by never having had sufficient levels of "young love". To the point where I want nothing to do with "adult" relationships---I feel like I'm ill-equipped for them. Instead, I just want to hang out with female friends. And if need be, sex an escort or two---simultaneously!
That's such a depressing and cynical view. I hope you're wrong for both our sakes.
17 May 2017, 11:25 am
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,924
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
17 May 2017, 2:16 pm
Aspie1 wrote:
This thread clinches the argument: it's extremely important to experience young love. When your responsibility load is relatively low, emotions run high, and affections are exchanged with reckless abandon. In your teens is ideal. But that's highly unrealistic for most aspie men, so in college is fairly optimal. That's when relationships are still fun. Experiencing that is important to lay the proper groundwork for relationships at an older age. Without getting that "fun" out of your system, I can safely say that you'll be ill-equipped for "adult" relationships.
You can absolutely find love at any age: 13, 33, or even 93. But at an older age, it's going to lack that feisty factor. You're not going to put a rubber spider on your partner's shoulder just for laughs. You're not going to swing dance to music on your phone in the middle of a sidewalk on a balmy summer night. You're not going to ride a rail line to the last station and back just for the heck of it. And you're not going to drink Slurpees with vodka mixed in while sitting on playground swings. Society will expect you to be serious, responsible, and romantic. That's all well and good... but that's not fun.
Again, "young love" is a must! Once you get past age 28, relationships become serious and boring. Not to mention, women become determined to find a husband and make a baby, not have fun. Which effectively eliminates any and all fun in an "adult" relationship. Trying to leapfrog from zero experience to "adult" relationships can be very unpleasant, and more importantly, unfun. Because you will not have had exposure to truly fun elements of romance.
I suppose I'm somewhat lucky. I got to experience those "young love" moments, albeit very briefly. Like alcohol-fueled makeouts with a random girl at a college party, while visiting a friend at another school; or dancing in a full embrace with an incredibly cute Israeli girl in a nightclub, after downing shots of Absinthe during a trip to Israel. That's pretty much it, but still. Even now, as a 33-year-old decrepit old fart, with 2 missing teeth and balding head, I get to experience a subset of the young love I missed out on. Namely, with a 22-year-old girl who's just a friend. While we don't go anything sexual, obviously, "little things" like hugging, holding hands, and dancing together, still happen with the same "affectionate recklessness" as between teenagers.
Even so, I feel like I missed out incredibly by never having had sufficient levels of "young love". To the point where I want nothing to do with "adult" relationships---I feel like I'm ill-equipped for them. Instead, I just want to hang out with female friends. And if need be, sex an escort or two---simultaneously!
You can absolutely find love at any age: 13, 33, or even 93. But at an older age, it's going to lack that feisty factor. You're not going to put a rubber spider on your partner's shoulder just for laughs. You're not going to swing dance to music on your phone in the middle of a sidewalk on a balmy summer night. You're not going to ride a rail line to the last station and back just for the heck of it. And you're not going to drink Slurpees with vodka mixed in while sitting on playground swings. Society will expect you to be serious, responsible, and romantic. That's all well and good... but that's not fun.
Again, "young love" is a must! Once you get past age 28, relationships become serious and boring. Not to mention, women become determined to find a husband and make a baby, not have fun. Which effectively eliminates any and all fun in an "adult" relationship. Trying to leapfrog from zero experience to "adult" relationships can be very unpleasant, and more importantly, unfun. Because you will not have had exposure to truly fun elements of romance.
I suppose I'm somewhat lucky. I got to experience those "young love" moments, albeit very briefly. Like alcohol-fueled makeouts with a random girl at a college party, while visiting a friend at another school; or dancing in a full embrace with an incredibly cute Israeli girl in a nightclub, after downing shots of Absinthe during a trip to Israel. That's pretty much it, but still. Even now, as a 33-year-old decrepit old fart, with 2 missing teeth and balding head, I get to experience a subset of the young love I missed out on. Namely, with a 22-year-old girl who's just a friend. While we don't go anything sexual, obviously, "little things" like hugging, holding hands, and dancing together, still happen with the same "affectionate recklessness" as between teenagers.
Even so, I feel like I missed out incredibly by never having had sufficient levels of "young love". To the point where I want nothing to do with "adult" relationships---I feel like I'm ill-equipped for them. Instead, I just want to hang out with female friends. And if need be, sex an escort or two---simultaneously!
I never particularly experienced the pleasantries you mention about 'young love'. I had a boyfriend in high-school when I was 17, but it was actually kind of stressful. Then in college I dated a guy who I lost my virginity to but he ended up leading me on for intimacy and then eventually ghosted me...uhh that was hardly a fun young love experience, just naive me falling for being used.
Id say my current relationship that started when I was 26 with my boyfriend who was 30, with me now being almost 28 and he's 32 now is my best relationship experience. It is the funnest relationship thus far actually, so sort of contrary to relationships when under 25 being the most fun. Certainly not boring, and yes serious in the sense we are both committed to the relationship and continuing it but not like we constantly have serious demeanor and never mess with each other or joke around.
some women past 28 and even younger may be interested having a baby and starting a family, so they are interested in guys who also want that. Then of course there are many women who do not want children even at nearly 28 and older like me.
Also none of the activities you mentioned sounded very 'fun'...the public transit is a good thing to use to get to places to have drinks or do something fun like go to a concert, but yeah just riding it to the end in back would not be me and my boyfriends idea of a fun activity. Also I cannot say I would never get a Slurpee and put vodka in it, though me and my boyfriend tend to prefer drinking more beer over mixed drinks or hard liquor. But sitting on the swings at the playground to drink alcohol? I don't think that would be all that much fun, especially for my boyfriend he might break the swing as he's not a small person lol.
If I could go back and erase all my 'young love' experiences I don't think I'd be missing much, I mean what is there to miss? Spending time with a guy and always wondering 'what do they really think, do they want to make this longterm, do they even really like me, if I was to turn them down for sex or intimate activity will they immediately lose interest and move on, are they only interested in sex?' ect. It is, so nice not to be dealing with guesswork anymore. Me and my boyfriend openly communicate and early on we openly communicated about wanting a relationship and how we felt about each other, which was such a relief compared to the past of not knowing what exactly the status was or where it was going and just hoping it was meant to be.
17 May 2017, 11:45 pm
Sweetleaf wrote:
Id say my current relationship that started when I was 26 with my boyfriend who was 30, with me now being almost 28 and he's 32 now is my best relationship experience. It is the funnest relationship thus far actually, so sort of contrary to relationships when under 25 being the most fun. Certainly not boring, and yes serious in the sense we are both committed to the relationship and continuing it but not like we constantly have serious demeanor and never mess with each other or joke around.
...
If I could go back and erase all my 'young love' experiences I don't think I'd be missing much, I mean what is there to miss? Spending time with a guy and always wondering 'what do they really think, do they want to make this longterm, do they even really like me, if I was to turn them down for sex or intimate activity will they immediately lose interest and move on, are they only interested in sex?' ect. It is, so nice not to be dealing with guesswork anymore. Me and my boyfriend openly communicate and early on we openly communicated about wanting a relationship and how we felt about each other, which was such a relief compared to the past of not knowing what exactly the status was or where it was going and just hoping it was meant to be.
Two of your paragraphs "spoke" to me, so I'll address them....
If I could go back and erase all my 'young love' experiences I don't think I'd be missing much, I mean what is there to miss? Spending time with a guy and always wondering 'what do they really think, do they want to make this longterm, do they even really like me, if I was to turn them down for sex or intimate activity will they immediately lose interest and move on, are they only interested in sex?' ect. It is, so nice not to be dealing with guesswork anymore. Me and my boyfriend openly communicate and early on we openly communicated about wanting a relationship and how we felt about each other, which was such a relief compared to the past of not knowing what exactly the status was or where it was going and just hoping it was meant to be.
Well, it's not like my friends' relationships are bad or anything. They just look so... intense. Even when they do joke around, it's still shrouded by a cloud of seriousness. Don't forget: they moved in together just 3 months of dating their respective girlfriends. That, and started acting like 60-year-old men, rather than 30-year-old men. Even more so: when two or more couples are together, they start making a theatre out of how much they love each other. They may be loving, but their relationships are just so... intense. Can you blame for not wanting one?
You may be happy to "openly communicate" with your boyfriend, but I don't want to discuss my feelings every... single... day. That is, until an explosive angry split or me drinking myself into the emergency room. I much prefer to have a fun, carefree, high school-style relationship, without the constant "what are we?" talks and other crap. Ironically, I found something very similar, with someone who's not even a romantic partner! It's with [/I]a friend[/I]. Me and her flirt and joke around all the time, and hold hands and cuddle pretty regularly. (Heck, both strangers and people we know mistake us for a couple at times, which I find strangely flattering.) Obviously, nothing sexual ever happens, not even kissing. After all, we're just friends; she even stops me when I pretend to escalate in jest. But I had so much escort sex over the last 12 years, that I couldn't care less. (So much for losing interest after being refused sex!) Not to mention, what I have is too good to ruin with a relationship.
All this is laughably ironic. When I was 18, I wanted a relationship more than anything. Even with the obligations I now avoid like the plague. And ironically, the first girl I dated actually showed me less affection than this friend.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,924
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
18 May 2017, 1:48 am
Aspie1 wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Id say my current relationship that started when I was 26 with my boyfriend who was 30, with me now being almost 28 and he's 32 now is my best relationship experience. It is the funnest relationship thus far actually, so sort of contrary to relationships when under 25 being the most fun. Certainly not boring, and yes serious in the sense we are both committed to the relationship and continuing it but not like we constantly have serious demeanor and never mess with each other or joke around.
...
If I could go back and erase all my 'young love' experiences I don't think I'd be missing much, I mean what is there to miss? Spending time with a guy and always wondering 'what do they really think, do they want to make this longterm, do they even really like me, if I was to turn them down for sex or intimate activity will they immediately lose interest and move on, are they only interested in sex?' ect. It is, so nice not to be dealing with guesswork anymore. Me and my boyfriend openly communicate and early on we openly communicated about wanting a relationship and how we felt about each other, which was such a relief compared to the past of not knowing what exactly the status was or where it was going and just hoping it was meant to be.
Two of your paragraphs "spoke" to me, so I'll address them....
If I could go back and erase all my 'young love' experiences I don't think I'd be missing much, I mean what is there to miss? Spending time with a guy and always wondering 'what do they really think, do they want to make this longterm, do they even really like me, if I was to turn them down for sex or intimate activity will they immediately lose interest and move on, are they only interested in sex?' ect. It is, so nice not to be dealing with guesswork anymore. Me and my boyfriend openly communicate and early on we openly communicated about wanting a relationship and how we felt about each other, which was such a relief compared to the past of not knowing what exactly the status was or where it was going and just hoping it was meant to be.
Well, it's not like my friends' relationships are bad or anything. They just look so... intense. Even when they do joke around, it's still shrouded by a cloud of seriousness. Don't forget: they moved in together just 3 months of dating their respective girlfriends. That, and started acting like 60-year-old men, rather than 30-year-old men. Even more so: when two or more couples are together, they start making a theatre out of how much they love each other. They may be loving, but their relationships are just so... intense. Can you blame for not wanting one?
You may be happy to "openly communicate" with your boyfriend, but I don't want to discuss my feelings every... single... day. That is, until an explosive angry split or me drinking myself into the emergency room. I much prefer to have a fun, carefree, high school-style relationship, without the constant "what are we?" talks and other crap. Ironically, I found something very similar, with someone who's not even a romantic partner! It's with [/I]a friend[/I]. Me and her flirt and joke around all the time, and hold hands and cuddle pretty regularly. (Heck, both strangers and people we know mistake us for a couple at times, which I find strangely flattering.) Obviously, nothing sexual ever happens, not even kissing. After all, we're just friends; she even stops me when I pretend to escalate in jest. But I had so much escort sex over the last 12 years, that I couldn't care less. (So much for losing interest after being refused sex!) Not to mention, what I have is too good to ruin with a relationship.
All this is laughably ironic. When I was 18, I wanted a relationship more than anything. Even with the obligations I now avoid like the plague. And ironically, the first girl I dated actually showed me less affection than this friend.
Yes you have told me how your friends relationships are, and I am saying my relationship is not like theirs, we don't go to 'dinner parties' and if we are interacting with other people we talk to them don't just focus on each other and try making a huge show of how much we love each other. And I certainly don't think we act like 60 year olds.
Also by openly communicating I don't mean we have lengthy conversations about our feelings all the time, just that we make sure we're on the same page and such and in the beginning we discussed being a couple so we were both sure that is what we were doing that was just one conversation not like we have to confirm it repeatedly. Also there isn't going to be an explosive split, sometimes we get frustrated with each other and have had some arguments, but we tend to resolve that pretty well...we don't scream profanities at each other and call each other nasty names like I have seen some couples do.
18 May 2017, 11:01 am
20 May 2017, 10:32 am
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