Getting a Relationship if you Have Issues

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As long as you honestly explain the facts of life for you it shouldn't matter when you do so.

You don't have to mention "autism."

Just mention some of your quirks without attaching a label to them.

I see nothing wrong with that.

^ I don't have autism.

Or whatever you've been diagnosed with.

Thank you for the kind words.

I'm trying to give up wrongplanet, but I still come back from time to time.

My grammar and sprllig is not as good in this post because I am currently typing from my phone.

I don't like this place anymore or many of the people here, and I've been no angel myself either, this place brings out the worst in Me, and I think this is true for a lot of us here.

There were.many toxic websites that shaped.my worldview over the years an wrongplabet s too toxic for NY mental health anymore.

I've actually been doing very well these past few months and see good things to come.

Im trying in general to use the internet to consume positive content of people who aim to help others in life instead of setting it drag me down.

Ive discovered a new youtuve channel called Elisha Long, I also listen to Professor Jordan Peterson and a fellow called TomLebs. They all inspire me with their content.

Not stidyig formally yet, but I'll make a start and do some thiga with my time.

Volunterring, as well as shorter courses that last a few weeks.

It's somewhat cheering to read some of your story.

i have aspergers

It needs to be said there's a difference between 'love' and 'dating'.

BirdInFlight was talking about 'love' when she told me 90% of women she's ever met in the real world would be in a relationship with a man who was poor if they love his personality.

I've been talking about 'dating' the whole time, not love.

And I still think when it comes to dating, 90% of women don't want a 30 year old man who lives with his parent, is poor, can't afford nice clothes so he dresses like a hobo, has no job, owns no car, can't drive, dislikes children, has multiple mental health problems, and possibly a physical disability as well.

When it comes to love, he has a better chance.

Often, dating precedes love and you need to 'date' people to find someone to 'love'.

You can date a million people, but there's only one you can ever 'love'.

When two people are in love, they're more willing to overlook each other's flaws and work hard to keep the relationship together.

When people date, they have higher standards and are more picky because they only want the best.

This is why some of us struggle with relationships, because we need to use dating to meet someone to love.

The answer to ending up in a happy, healthy, long-term relationship is we need someone to fall in love with us.

We aren't 'good enough' for dating, most people dating are N.T.'s with jobs, careers, live alone, own a house, own a car, drive, make a good amount of money each year, have a social life outside of the relationship, no major mental health or physical disabilities, and expect the same in a partner, because they want an equal relationship with someone just as successful, independent and capable of taking care of themselves as they are.

Plenty of us can do the stuff above but many of us can't or can't do them all.

So you need to put yourself out there, meet new people, make new friends, ask people out, improve your attractiveness, etc. and wait until someone naturally falls in love with you.

'Dating' is the 'hard' way to find 'love'.

This is true even for many N.T.'s.

The N.T's who are poor or still live with their parents or whatever, they need to fall in love with someone, and that person needs to fall in love with them back, if they want a relationship with someone who doesn't care if they're poor and will love them for who they are.

Yep, we need to let someone fall in love with us first.

Sadly, sometimes it does feel like manipulation, in a way.

Imagine an alcoholic hiding their habit from you for over a year.

Or someone infertile not telling you for over a year.

Outrider said "...naturally falls in love..." We can use those as key words, emphasis on the 'naturally'. Dating could be more difficult than it just happening naturally, like someone you associate with not on a dating site or with the official dating thing happening. It can be a better way just to let it happen, no pressure to feel as though you have to disclose any issues you may have, no other pressure. Just simply enjoying the other persons company in a relaxed no strings attached way. And then if something grows then the guy may ask the girl to be in a relationship with him. Some people may find that easier.

Whenever I manage to get out of my cave lately that's the way things go. There has to be some natural pattern to the subtext of overloaded modern life.

Maybe a hermit is the way to go lol.

Normal doesn't exist, life itself consists of issues, I'm not sure I date at all but I love who I love anyway & that's no big deal.

i'll buy that for a dollar