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Campin_Cat
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02 Jul 2017, 8:19 pm

¯\_(ツ)_/¯













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Aaron Rhodes
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02 Jul 2017, 8:26 pm

I've noticed that you have to be extremely careful how you word things, otherwise there are people here who will viciously attack you for it and completely ignore the point you're trying to make. It seems there are comments like that in this post, but there are people who are bringing up good points. For instance, providing the source that sparked this post. If someone asks for more details, then provide more details. If they need more information and you refuse, then they will continue to misinterpret your point.



jrjones9933
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02 Jul 2017, 8:35 pm

Aaron Rhodes wrote:
I've noticed that you have to be extremely careful how you word things, otherwise there are people here who will viciously attack you for it and completely ignore the point you're trying to make. It seems there are comments like that in this post, but there are people who are bringing up good points. For instance, providing the source that sparked this post. If someone asks for more details, then provide more details. If they need more information and you refuse, then they will continue to misinterpret your point.

The source for this was really the sorts of attacks that the thread got. Find someone who has ever mentioned rape culture without getting similar treatment. The fact that people will construe a simple comment about consent as being part of a conspiracy to label them as rapists says it all, really.

Claiming that everyone obviously has enlightened views of the subject while filling the thread with hostile speculation seems incongruous to me, anyway.


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TheSpectrum
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02 Jul 2017, 8:45 pm

"Claiming that everyone obviously has enlightened views of the subject while filling the thread with hostile speculation seems incongruous to me, anyway."

You're putting words into my mouth, and are guilty to the very thing you accused me of - having large assumptions (or as you wrote, inferences) to my internal thought processes. You're making some very hostile speculations of your own, jrjones. I'm sorry you did not get the responses you may have been hoping for but now I must ask you politely to tone it down (or as us Brits say "wind your neck in").

Look, one more time. No one is disagreeing your point.
But was this in relation to another thread? What spurred this? Why the hostility?
Will you give an example of how to conduct what it is you want others to learn or agree with, so they can be sure?
Why can't you answer or elaborate on anything, even with Aaron?
I'm left with more questions than answers. I surely can't be alone.

Also,contrary to what you said to Aaron... if you go to Slate, Everyday Feminism or WaPo comments you will find many who will agree with your talking points who will not respond in the way you feel we have. They will blindly agree with you.

EDIT: Sorry, correct keeps changing Aaron to Adam.


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Aaron Rhodes
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02 Jul 2017, 9:54 pm

jrjones9933 wrote:
The fact that people will construe a simple comment about consent as being part of a conspiracy to label them as rapists says it all, really.


Um.....
I'm pretty sure that rape is the direct result of not having consent. Either there is consent or there isn't. If there isn't, then it's rape. It's as simple as that. Do you mean that the people in the comments think that you are referring to them?



jrjones9933
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02 Jul 2017, 10:09 pm

They said as much.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Jul 2017, 1:22 am

jrjones9933 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Why don't you answer his question concretely?

jrjones9933 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You put the first sentence just so you sound more politically correct - but we all know that you mean men.
Real consent is always enthusiastic, I don't get how one would get aroused otherwise with a motionless body.
I mean all my encounters were the ones who pulled my pants down, grab it by hand for bj or to put it in their inside while flirting; there's no doubt in consent here.

You can't find a way to act outraged at what I actually wrote, so you rewrite it into something that allows you to feel superior and oppressed.


I just wrote how I get consent in my real life experience.

I answered it.

Your method sounds legit, if you're asking, although technically you're giving consent, and it technically sounds like a letter to Penthouse Forum.


It was my cover letter for an xhamster vacancy.



kraftiekortie
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03 Jul 2017, 1:51 pm

Aside from all the studies, articles, etc., I still believe that, for us Spectrum folk, knowing that a lady consents to a man's advances (and vice versa) is very important.

I've come to believe, despite it being "unromantic," that directly asking a woman if she would like to make love (putting it in romantic tones, and not asking the question clinically), is very important; otherwise, you risk being accused of something which you had no intention of doing.

Let me emphasize: most women would merely pull away, or verbally (depending on the person, it could be in a nice way, or a not-so-nice way), inform you that they don't consent to being kissed, caressed, etc. When that happens, just stop. Most women are not going to accuse you of sexual abuse or rape because you tried to kiss them. They are more likely to do so if you persist after they said, or indicated, "no!"

Yes, that exists---the woman who says "no" when she means "yes." It's happened to me. But forget about that for 2017 (I would purport that this phenomenon is rare these days). Especially for us Spectrum Folk! For us, when it's "no," it's "no." Forget all the other crap.



cberg
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03 Jul 2017, 2:49 pm

:roll: But when guys here say no, half of us are just freaking out.


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jrjones9933
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03 Jul 2017, 3:19 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Aside from all the studies, articles, etc., I still believe that, for us Spectrum folk, knowing that a lady consents to a man's advances (and vice versa) is very important.

I've come to believe, despite it being "unromantic," that directly asking a woman if she would like to make love (putting it in romantic tones, and not asking the question clinically), is very important; otherwise, you risk being accused of something which you had no intention of doing.

Let me emphasize: most women would merely pull away, or verbally (depending on the person, it could be in a nice way, or a not-so-nice way), inform you that they don't consent to being kissed, caressed, etc. When that happens, just stop. Most women are not going to accuse you of sexual abuse or rape because you tried to kiss them. They are more likely to do so if you persist after they said, or indicated, "no!"

Yes, that exists---the woman who says "no" when she means "yes." It's happened to me. But forget about that for 2017 (I would purport that this phenomenon is rare these days). Especially for us Spectrum Folk! For us, when it's "no," it's "no." Forget all the other crap.

I generally agree, but I want to add that the person in question has no responsibility to say no. I recommend practicing saying no, in fact. Lots of people have a hard time saying no. The person who wants to initiate sex needs a clear yes of some mutually agreeable sort, with verbal assent as the gold standard.


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hurtloam
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03 Jul 2017, 3:21 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Aside from all the studies, articles, etc., I still believe that, for us Spectrum folk, knowing that a lady consents to a man's advances (and vice versa) is very important.

I've come to believe, despite it being "unromantic," that directly asking a woman if she would like to make love (putting it in romantic tones, and not asking the question clinically), is very important; otherwise, you risk being accused of something which you had no intention of doing.

Let me emphasize: most women would merely pull away, or verbally (depending on the person, it could be in a nice way, or a not-so-nice way), inform you that they don't consent to being kissed, caressed, etc. When that happens, just stop. Most women are not going to accuse you of sexual abuse or rape because you tried to kiss them. They are more likely to do so if you persist after they said, or indicated, "no!"


Good advice. Your comments reminded me of this video I saw online



seaweed
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03 Jul 2017, 7:13 pm

if you have trouble interpreting subtle/non-verbal gestures make yourself known and make others involved aware in some way that you care about their experience too. if it's clear already there is no need. if it's not, take some responsibility.

so wait, what's the problem?