what do you look for in a partner?

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i think what really drew me to my current partner is their kindness and sincerity. i can usually sniff out people's intentions and other unsavory BS behind their behavior within minutes of talking to them, and i tend to steer clear of most people because i don't trust them, but my partner just gives off a really safe vibe. only one other person besides them has ever won my trust that quickly, and she's one of the best people i know.

besides sincerity, i also value people who are patient and understanding foremost. being quiet and organized is a bonus, as i'm kind of a train wreck and i like that stability.... similar values and compassion don't hurt either

Ah yes I look for that safe feeling too. I think that's important.

A connection and a spark. Looks mean very little. Attraction can easily form with people the opposite of what you want on paper.

Very true. On paper, Mrs. GHF and I have little in common. She is over 6 years older than me, her hobbies and interests are generally very different than mine (including *ahem* adult ones), we frequently eat separate meals because we have such different preferences and on our first date I systematically joked about how I seemed to dislike all the things she loves (such as chocolate). Do you know who else was like that? My Grandparents. They had a dream relationship until my Grandfather passed away in 2014.

My wife IS downright gorgeous but I can honestly say it's not the biggest thing that attracted me to her. The kindness and sincerity and high intelligence she shows are her best assets.

Wow, the topic reminds me of a list I made at high school - who I want to look for?
0. Male
1. About my age;
2. At least as good in Math as I was (learned the hard way that boys are very uncomfortable with a girl beating them in "masculine" topics - but it was no reason to leave my interests!);
3. Interests close enough to understand each other but distant enough not to compare our results;
4. Appreciating arts and nature;
5. "Ready to walse me through the streets" - funny is, there were two who actually did it But I meant generally doing things in unorthodox ways, without all that flowers and cinema rituals;
6. Marriagable;
7. Must really like his job (future job, as it was all about students back then). Earnings are far less significant, I have no drive for high life. But he will be spending half of his life at work, I see no use of a human wreck coming home every night;
8. Willing to spend his life with a freak like me

I was feeling such a bad, un-romantic, calculating person when I found the list years later.

I always thought lists like that were very objectifying and cold. It's how I think when I buy a new tv or phone, not when connecting with other human beings. But it's sadly very common for women to do this.

But do you know the funny part? I was just looking for someone with max chances for us to be happy together for life.
Then, analysed and systemised it. In a form of a list.

It saved me from some potential romances where it was all butterflies at the beginning but no future I wanted - the drunk remembered the decision of the sober. Cut it short. I think it is better than rejecting a guy after a year or more of false hopes.

I was brought up in the believing that "romantic" is good and "calculating" is evil. I no longer believe it. When I love, I love with my feelings AND my analytical brain. And, in my case, the brain is more reliable.

I never cared about interests or cultural attributes. As for interests, I'm perfectly capable of adopting some new interests from a crush, and it will even broaden my horizon, so only a good thing. For cultural attributes, like which cloth you use, what TV programs you like, your political inclination, none of that is of any importance (other than for NTs).

I'm primarily looking for compatibility, which I can ensure by refusing to date and by acting naturally.

And, no, I don't think it is a good idea to use analytical thinking on love interests. I'm all for going by emotions and acting naturally. After all, the neurodiverse brain was designed to handle that by itself without interventions, which it does just fine if you just it let do it.

To be fair, I actually agree with you.

I don't want to be a hypocrite, men have criteria too, they just don't sit down a write an actual list.

Well, most NTs seems to believe a job interview is similar enough to a date, so I guess it makes sense for them to use similar techniques.

I have no idea if other women do it. I did it because, just like rdos, I wanted to act naturally in these things.
And analysing is a huge part of my nature

I think that's a good point actually, what's natural depends on the person. I will say though, some people obviously calculate just because they are greedy and selfish.

I am very analytical aswell, started analyzing people from the age of 11 to fit in at school. I read people like open books, I am very effecient at noticing small changes in facial expression and body language.

I wish I wore glasses, but I have 20/20 vision. It would probably make me attract more like minded women, all I ever seem to attract are shallow, dumb and slu*ty women. Probably because I work out and wear trendy clothes, I don't look like a typical aspie at all.

I would feel prententious wearing fake glasses, but I might give it a shot lol.

I do a lot of analyzing to, but not to check against lists of traits I decided must match between us. The analyzing is more about trying to figure out as much as possible about the girl without having to ask about it.

I didn't check the list points too. Just putting them in this form made me realise them. It is very hard for me to realise something without expressing it.

So you mean you created the list to make sense of somebody? That makes a lot of sense, and I use that approach too. At least I try to. It helps if you have somebody to discuss it with, or just send finished analysis to. Writing a diary might be a good idea too.