My 20's were wasted

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I will shut up when men will stop feeling sorry for themselves and start acting like a man

Ok, now go make me a sammich.

Boo, you are hilarious. You make me laugh all the time

I am not making you moaning already?

My 20s were spent getting my education, for the most part. I got my first real job (teaching English at the junior college level) at 29. I joined Toastmasters for the first time at age 27. I didn't date or do much of a social nature.

I was working consistently at something throughout my 30s and 40s.

At 52, I have to think that maybe my prospects for ever getting married are slim. However, I do have an active social life now and hope is still there.

I feel I did waste a good deal of my life, but I still have hopes and dreams.

Ah, but what is normal?

Is there such a thing as being normal?

Well a few things about that.

1. I'm not attracted to men, so that's not my goal.
2. I'm asexual so i don't need sex. I get my powers from working and building projects.
3. I hate when guys stare at me in public, so hurtloam and slw can have all of the male attention they want, I hate it anyway.
4. You should be glad you aren't in a relationship, you only desire what you cannot have but once you're in one, you'll wish you weren't. You can never be happy in that sense.

And you know this how?

I think that you're trying to help by saying that, but I have to say that if someone said that when I was talking about my problems I'd be very offended. Sure, there is some truth to what you say, but the way you say it sounds very rude and belittleling to me.

You say he has to work for what he wants, but what makes you think he hasn't done so already? There's always the option of trying harder, but just telling someone to do so usually doesn't help. Examples on how to try harder might.



I know it sounds simple, but it really doesn't work like that. I know what I'm talking about; I'm not happy where I live and I would like to move. However, there are many obstacles to that, first being my disablity that I was born with (unrelated to autism.) It hasn't really acted up in a while, but when it does I'd be in serious trouble if my parents couldn't come and help. I've only ever been to a doctor that had something to do with it once in my life on my own without either of my parents and that could've gone better. I also need lot of help with my everyday life when this thing acts up, so it's necessary to have my parents nearby. There's also the fact that it takes me a ridiculous amount of time to get to know my surroundings properly; if I went somewhere new I'd have to learn everything all over again. If there's no one I know there then it'll be even harder. And all this is just the tip of the iceberg.

My point is, things aren't always as simple as they seem. You don't know what kind of situation he is in his life (is what I assume) so you shouldn't make it sound so simple. True, all the problems I have with moving elsewhere can be overcome in theory and it's probably the same with his problems, too, but to actually do so isn't so simple, especially when the problems pile up. In my opinion, just saying "get a hold of yourself" won't help anyone unless you actually know and tell how they should get the situation under control.

I'm sorry for putting in when this isn't really any of my business but as someone who gets to hear that a lot I felt like I had to say something.

The first obstacle of moving is to find work in the destination place; otherwise it would be hard to survive the new place.

And winning a job overseas (or in another city, state...etc) is very very difficult.

I think playing dumb makes a lot of sense sometimes. Given the risks of B&W thinking here, remember that one can have a middle ground between full disclosure and blank-faced silence. Strangers will often feel uncomfortable if people open up too quickly about their painful situation, or their highly-charged beliefs.

Using a little bit of coyness can elicit more information from people in a variety of settings. Again, there's an acceptable limit beyond which people may start to feel deceived, justifiably so.

I also had more sex in my 30s, and much better sex to boot. I'd enjoy reading about OP having some success on that front. Sex is fun, healthy, and few people enjoy or benefit from wanting and not having it. On the one hand, there's a spiritual magical side to sex. On the other hand, people decide to engage in the activity for a variety of reasons. Someone has a taste for any body type, personality and life history combination, so own what you have and feel confident in yourself, and someone will want to get closer to that. Fact.

Most of the time, people shut down possibilities for a variety of reasons. Safety concerns have merit. However, if the alternative involves increasing the risk of doing something really foolish, then relax about getting an STI. People get them. It's a difficult discussion to have, but it's a known risk. Condoms cut the odds of getting something dramatically if used properly. So chill with the fear, or at least weigh it in perspective while considering other risks.

The absolute worst reason to shut down a possible love connection looks to me like fear of failure. Failing is easier than it looks. If you want to check, spend some time making random harmless requests of people, knowing that they will say no. Get used to no. No holds a lot more power in the imagination than in reality. One guy hung out by Whole Foods, asking people to give him a ride to a place he actually wanted to go. Almost everyone said no.

He said that asking got a lot easier, he had some interesting conversations with people, and sometimes a person would give him a ride. He felt safe with the combination of instinct and the fact that he was at a Whole Foods Market. Some dangerous people must shop there, but statistically... get real. It's a safe place.

I hope this doesn't come across as an attack or an accusation. My predictions on that front haven't given me confidence in their accuracy, but here's hoping. I want to offer any suggestions that might help; I get that they sometimes sound weird, but I mean it.

Remember to breathe. Stay aware of your facial expressions, and try to develop a relaxed gentle smile as a default face. Protip: it drives mean people crazy, and makes nice people want to get closer.

Changing something is never simple. IT's EFFING hard work, you want to give up, you want to go back to your comfort zone, sometimes you don't even know what's the point of your life. It's a lonely path, you lose people on the way, it's painful but totally worth it.
Sorry if I sounded rude, I just don't understand people. At all.
For me, if I ask myself, when I'm in a bad situation, can I live like this for the rest of my life, can I live like this for 40 years or even 10 years and the answer is no. I just HAVE to do something. That's why it's simple in reality. Yoyu either accept your situation or you try to change it.
I might have a very simplicistic mind but I can't see other options.
Yes, you have to learn everything again from the scratch. So what? You can even familiarize yourself with the whole city you are moving to using google streetview. Even if it takes 5 years to arrange everything, you still have the rest of your life to live hopefully happier than before.
With the internet you can find a job before you move, you can do a skype interview or have other ways.
Anyway this is only my opinion.

Did you ever find a job overseas and moved before?

I don't even want to live past 30 with how my life has been going. I was rejected this year by someone who had common interests with me, I keep running into people who tell me they are getting engaged while I can't even get a date, and I have no female friends my age besides my younger brother's fiancée. I fear that all chances are gone and even if I do become confident, it will be too late.

Don't you think the people who have been THROUGH their 30's are capable of giving advice based on experience?

JrJones lived through his 30's, and said the sex is better than when he was in his 20's. It might be that way for you, too.

I had it better in my 30's than I did in my 20's. Some people are just "late bloomers." Especially Aspie/Autistics.

I was "late" in most things----like talking, dressing myself, driving....etc.

So you support the sexist generalization of men? Men just need to man up. Men don't cry men don't have emotions