Why you can't get a date
Sweetleaf
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Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,044
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
Expecting women to disregard your income would be just as foolish as expecting you to disregard her looks. Do you expect all women to act like selfless saints and date paupers? Only if men act like selfless saints and date unattractive women.
I hear all this stuff about how "Women won't date me because I'm poor" or "Women won't date me because I'm short" or "Women won't date me because I'm ugly". Well women are allowed to have preferences in dating just like you are so if she wants to date a tall, rich, handsome man, that's her choice.
I don't get why it's a sin for women to not be attracted to poor guys (or short guys). It's not a sin for women to exercise their choice.
I've been there. I used to work part time for low pay. I had never had a girlfriend. Instead of complaining about how women only like financially secure guys, I quit my part time job, lost 120 pounds, got a full time job at $55,000 per year and since then I've had three girlfriends.
The solution to the problem is not for women to change their preferences so they like poor guys. They don't have to. It's not illegal for them to prefer middle class guys. The solution is for poor men to get paying jobs. Yes I know this not a trivial task. It's a very difficult task. But job searching is more productive than complaining.
Because in this age of "equality" we expect women to put money where their mouth is, rather than, you know, their feet. God forbid they should actually put in their fair share instead of still expecting men to be the providers without losing their own benefits.
I think a lot of women are embracing this idea, and prefer the idea of sharing financial responsibilities as equally as possible, seems like that is becoming more popular actually or there are some families where the Mom brings in most of the money and the dad stays at home more. Also though there are still males who don't think women should work 'mens' jobs and are better fit for home and the kitchen so its not just women who enforce those gender roles.
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We won't go back.
Sweetleaf
Veteran

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,044
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
Expecting women to disregard your income would be just as foolish as expecting you to disregard her looks. Do you expect all women to act like selfless saints and date paupers? Only if men act like selfless saints and date unattractive women.
I hear all this stuff about how "Women won't date me because I'm poor" or "Women won't date me because I'm short" or "Women won't date me because I'm ugly". Well women are allowed to have preferences in dating just like you are so if she wants to date a tall, rich, handsome man, that's her choice.
I don't get why it's a sin for women to not be attracted to poor guys (or short guys). It's not a sin for women to exercise their choice.
I've been there. I used to work part time for low pay. I had never had a girlfriend. Instead of complaining about how women only like financially secure guys, I quit my part time job, lost 120 pounds, got a full time job at $55,000 per year and since then I've had three girlfriends.
The solution to the problem is not for women to change their preferences so they like poor guys. They don't have to. It's not illegal for them to prefer middle class guys. The solution is for poor men to get paying jobs. Yes I know this not a trivial task. It's a very difficult task. But job searching is more productive than complaining.
Cause men don’t say other men don’t like women for their looks, but so many women deny women care about a mans income or status. It’s like freaking holocaust deniers pisses me off, it’s bad enough I have to be constantly demeaned and rejected cause of my status and job but then to have women here tell me I’m making it all up. Freak that.
Also I don’t care about a woman’s weight as long as she’s not super obese wats waist to hip ratiO? I’d never judge a woman so superficially sounds like the bad guy from the zoohand where he has a gf with the “perfect ass to noon ratiO” that’s super superficial to talk about a woman that way. Difference is I acknowledge alt of men are that way and do see women as sex objects.
Yes they are, people are allowed to be horrible people. But we are allowed to call them out on it just like racists or a*****les. Don’t like being called superficial r horrible person, then don’t be one. My ex friend had every right to be a ass to everyone he meets, but doesn’t mean he has the right not to be called an ass.
Plenty of women do care about a mans status and income, and will say so quite openly...but not every individual women is like that, if one expresses they don't care so much about those things they aren't saying no women are like that just that they themselves aren't. I don't doubt women have rejected you based on status and job, but that is not to say its impossible you'd meet one who doesn't.
_________________
We won't go back.
Topics that end up with conversations like these with the "men only go for good looks, Women only go for men with high paying jobs!" make me realize that people have forgotten what love is. I blame online dating for this, I think it was good in theory but is used completely wrong!(with some exceptions.) Online dating makes everyone look like an advertisement instead of a person, and since everything is starting to be online, well...
With all the divorce rates it has lead me to believe that some people have become really spoiled. Someone now has to fit a certain thing in order to be "dateable". Poor people have been married, rich people have been married. Why? Because the two people didn't give a crap about what you had or did! It was who you were at the moment that mattered!(or I like to believe so because believing what some people believe now is just depressing!)
I have saw a few girls and thought "I like them!"(though never had the courage to say that to them.) their looks, their past, whether they had a job or not, etc did not matter! All I knew was I liked her for who she was now! I actually have found another that I feel like that with and maybe this time I might be able to find out more about her. I did not make a list of things for what I wanted in a girl because I knew no one was ever going to live up to that!
Now though I read "he doesn't look good!" "his profile is boring!"or I hear "damn she cute!" and "she has a fine a**!"(I said it like that because girls tend to be less open about that kind of stuff... well some.) it's like there is more of an emphasis on fantasy than reality.
_________________
Autism is a disorder not a personality trait!
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference."
Expecting women to disregard your income would be just as foolish as expecting you to disregard her looks. Do you expect all women to act like selfless saints and date paupers? Only if men act like selfless saints and date unattractive women.
I hear all this stuff about how "Women won't date me because I'm poor" or "Women won't date me because I'm short" or "Women won't date me because I'm ugly". Well women are allowed to have preferences in dating just like you are so if she wants to date a tall, rich, handsome man, that's her choice.
I don't get why it's a sin for women to not be attracted to poor guys (or short guys). It's not a sin for women to exercise their choice.
I've been there. I used to work part time for low pay. I had never had a girlfriend. Instead of complaining about how women only like financially secure guys, I quit my part time job, lost 120 pounds, got a full time job at $55,000 per year and since then I've had three girlfriends.
The solution to the problem is not for women to change their preferences so they like poor guys. They don't have to. It's not illegal for them to prefer middle class guys. The solution is for poor men to get paying jobs. Yes I know this not a trivial task. It's a very difficult task. But job searching is more productive than complaining.
Because in this age of "equality" we expect women to put money where their mouth is, rather than, you know, their feet. God forbid they should actually put in their fair share instead of still expecting men to be the providers without losing their own benefits.
So what?
You have every right to only date women who have a stable income. And that does not mean that women don't have a right to do the same. Many of the women who don't want to date a jobless guy are employed themselves. They can put in their fair share, they're just not willing to be the sole providers themselves. So basically you're angry because many women have a standard, you yourself have as well?
Men have been the sole provider for thousands of years and going. Probably 40% of the us population is where the man is the provider. But that’s not what’s asked what asked is women who makes say 200,000 a year be ok dating a guy who makes 10,000. She makes more then enough. Or more that a woman making min wage be ok dating a guy who makes min wage.
I don't think most women here deny that a lot of women care a lot about a man's income and most women care to some extent about a man's income. They just don't think that it's the top priority of every woman.
Some men who are unemployed or have a low paying job have a girlfriend. Yes, that you have a low paying job is a big reason why you don't have a girlfriend. That you are autistic and have some social anxiety issues also is a big reason why you don't have a girlfriend.
I don't have a boyfriend and never had a boyfriend because I am autistic and have social anxiety issues too. I'm also unemployed (still in education) and even though I am a woman and still in education being unemployed is slightly detrimental to finding a boyfriend, but that I am autistic and have social anxiety issues alone is enough of a reason why I don't have a boyfriend.
I'm not claiming to be in the same situation you are in though. I guess, I have more ways of finding a partner left, I haven't tried yet, than you do. I haven't tried online dating yet, for example and I probably won't as long as I am still living with my parents (they may be a bit overprotective and I think they might not approve of it).
Problem with that theory is that every time I went on a date they woman had a good time and said I seemed confident to them.
I don’t ask women out in person cause my anxiety and I’m not good enough. Atleast online they open about it and I can avoid months of build up, stress only to be rejected.
Also apparently just saying I like you want to go on a date isn’t ok.
Talk to hale boop she Denys any women care about mans income. I’ve never said it’s the only thing women care about. Most won’t date a rich guy with bad personality but it is the main concern followed by his personality. So in a check list has good job, car, House life together basically is check one and if yiu don’t got that you don’t go to step two which is personality evaluation then interest etc.
Expecting women to disregard your income would be just as foolish as expecting you to disregard her looks. Do you expect all women to act like selfless saints and date paupers? Only if men act like selfless saints and date unattractive women.
I hear all this stuff about how "Women won't date me because I'm poor" or "Women won't date me because I'm short" or "Women won't date me because I'm ugly". Well women are allowed to have preferences in dating just like you are so if she wants to date a tall, rich, handsome man, that's her choice.
I don't get why it's a sin for women to not be attracted to poor guys (or short guys). It's not a sin for women to exercise their choice.
I've been there. I used to work part time for low pay. I had never had a girlfriend. Instead of complaining about how women only like financially secure guys, I quit my part time job, lost 120 pounds, got a full time job at $55,000 per year and since then I've had three girlfriends.
The solution to the problem is not for women to change their preferences so they like poor guys. They don't have to. It's not illegal for them to prefer middle class guys. The solution is for poor men to get paying jobs. Yes I know this not a trivial task. It's a very difficult task. But job searching is more productive than complaining.
Cause men don’t say other men don’t like women for their looks, but so many women deny women care about a mans income or status. It’s like freaking holocaust deniers pisses me off, it’s bad enough I have to be constantly demeaned and rejected cause of my status and job but then to have women here tell me I’m making it all up. Freak that.
Also I don’t care about a woman’s weight as long as she’s not super obese wats waist to hip ratiO? I’d never judge a woman so superficially sounds like the bad guy from the zoohand where he has a gf with the “perfect ass to noon ratiO” that’s super superficial to talk about a woman that way. Difference is I acknowledge alt of men are that way and do see women as sex objects.
Yes they are, people are allowed to be horrible people. But we are allowed to call them out on it just like racists or a*****les. Don’t like being called superficial r horrible person, then don’t be one. My ex friend had every right to be a ass to everyone he meets, but doesn’t mean he has the right not to be called an ass.
Plenty of women do care about a mans status and income, and will say so quite openly...but not every individual women is like that, if one expresses they don't care so much about those things they aren't saying no women are like that just that they themselves aren't. I don't doubt women have rejected you based on status and job, but that is not to say its impossible you'd meet one who doesn't.
Why will you say that to me but not hale boop and other deniers?
I never said it’s every woman, it’s just the major and those who aren’t get into relationships quickly causes there’s a lot more options to women who don’t care, while women who do have a lot fewer options and so this make up most of the single women population.
She’s not just saying she’s not like that she’s claiming none all and I’m just lying and insane.
It’s highly highly improbable I’ll ever meet a single woman who doesn’t and also shares my interests, finds me attractive and wants to date me.
You’re like that but your in a relationship and even if you weren’t we aren’t compatible and you likely don’t find me attractive.
Vs if I was well off I’d have a much larger pool of single women
As I posted earlier, I dated and eventually married a man who, at the time we got together, was making significantly less than I was.
Discussions like this as are a scapegoat. Instead of doing the work to figure out what one's assets are, and to improve them if one doesn't like what they see on the tally sheet, people try to blame it all on some standard held by other parties. Well, that is garbage. It is self-defeating.
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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
RetroGamer87
Veteran

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,134
Location: Adelaide, Australia
There's a reason he complains here so much about it, as you've said its very diffocult for him and he is in an unfortunate position and lots of people here gang up on him.
I'm in a very similar position to Sly.
The best option for you would be to get into a different position. Change your situation.
Yes I know that changing your life and overcoming your anxiety is very difficult but you have a whole lifetime to do it in.
It's either that or learn to enjoy being alone.
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The days are long, but the years are short
RetroGamer87
Veteran

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,134
Location: Adelaide, Australia
1. Unemployed
2. Socially akward (which breaks down to various little things that average NT might have trouble with)
3. A person with an uncureable disability (which might cause serious health and financial issues in the future)
4. Someone with a scarred body that has been over weight.
Those would all be red flags for me. A long term relationship may eventually lead to cohabitation and I can't do that with someone who can't pay for half our combined living expenses.
I don't want to be the sole provider. I want to split things like rent/mortgage 50/50.
The cost of housing has gone up due to the prevalence of dual income couples. The only for me to buy a house is to also be a member of a dual income couple. The days when a man could be sole breadwinner for him and his wife and buy a house are over.
_________________
The days are long, but the years are short
Discussions like this as are a scapegoat. Instead of doing the work to figure out what one's assets are, and to improve them if one doesn't like what they see on the tally sheet, people try to blame it all on some standard held by other parties. Well, that is garbage. It is self-defeating.
Some people can’t change their situations. That’s how the world works. Be it me or some poor farmer in china who can’t escape the farm. Poor people tend to stay poor generation to generation othing changes for most. That poor Irish guys family were poor iirish immigrants.
I’m permanently disabled, I’ve been on disability since 15 I’ll be on it til I die so that means my income will always be about 1,000 a month. That can’t be changed. So I’ll keep being upset at women who won’t date me over something I can’t change. Be glad your son isn’t as disabled. But he hasn’t finished college yet which is where he’ll find out. I did very good in college. I was on the deans list and a honor student. None of that helped me in the real world.
So I’m tired of being told I’m just lazy and not trying to change, if I could get s job that paid $50 an hour for 20 hours a week I would but what job pays that other then ceos or executives and they work 50+ hours a week.
All that’s in my power to change is my body weight and I’m doing that at great expense to me.
1. Unemployed
2. Socially akward (which breaks down to various little things that average NT might have trouble with)
3. A person with an uncureable disability (which might cause serious health and financial issues in the future)
4. Someone with a scarred body that has been over weight.
Those would all be red flags for me. A long term relationship may eventually lead to cohabitation and I can't do that with someone who can't pay for half our combined living expenses.
I don't want to be the sole provider. I want to split things like rent/mortgage 50/50.
The cost of housing has gone up due to the prevalence of dual income couples. The only for me to buy a house is to also be a member of a dual income couple. The days when a man could be sole breadwinner for him and his wife and buy a house are over.
Unless you marry someone at your wrk doing the same job you never going be paid the same so one of you will always make more then the other making a 50/50 split impossible
RetroGamer87
Veteran

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,134
Location: Adelaide, Australia
1. Unemployed
2. Socially akward (which breaks down to various little things that average NT might have trouble with)
3. A person with an uncureable disability (which might cause serious health and financial issues in the future)
4. Someone with a scarred body that has been over weight.
Those would all be red flags for me. A long term relationship may eventually lead to cohabitation and I can't do that with someone who can't pay for half our combined living expenses.
I don't want to be the sole provider. I want to split things like rent/mortgage 50/50.
The cost of housing has gone up due to the prevalence of dual income couples. The only for me to buy a house is to also be a member of a dual income couple. The days when a man could be sole breadwinner for him and his wife and buy a house are over.
Unless you marry someone at your wrk doing the same job you never going be paid the same so one of you will always make more then the other making a 50/50 split impossible
Well I don't want to quibble over a few cents. Can we settle for a 50/50 split with a 10% margin of error? The majority of middle class jobs would probably be within 10% more or less than my salary because that salary is designed to be enough for one person to live on.
Salaries that are much lower or much higher than this would be on the narrow ends of the bell-curve and not as common.
Wait, does it have to be a 50/50 salary split? How about a 50/50 split of the bills? We don't need exactly the same salary to split our bills and mortgage exactly 50/50 but it but it certainly helps if we're in the same ballpark (within 10% of each other).
_________________
The days are long, but the years are short
So I’m tired of being told I’m just lazy and not trying to change, if I could get s job that paid $50 an hour for 20 hours a week I would but what job pays that other then ceos or executives and they work 50+ hours a week.
All that’s in my power to change is my body weight and I’m doing that at great expense to me.
What's your disability if you don't mind me asking?
If you went to university, why did you go if you can't get a job? Isn't that the point?
I'm kind of confused about your situation.
Discussions like this as are a scapegoat. Instead of doing the work to figure out what one's assets are, and to improve them if one doesn't like what they see on the tally sheet, people try to blame it all on some standard held by other parties. Well, that is garbage. It is self-defeating.
Some people can’t change their situations. That’s how the world works. Be it me or some poor farmer in china who can’t escape the farm. Poor people tend to stay poor generation to generation othing changes for most. That poor Irish guys family were poor iirish immigrants.
I’m permanently disabled, I’ve been on disability since 15 I’ll be on it til I die so that means my income will always be about 1,000 a month. That can’t be changed. So I’ll keep being upset at women who won’t date me over something I can’t change. Be glad your son isn’t as disabled. But he hasn’t finished college yet which is where he’ll find out. I did very good in college. I was on the deans list and a honor student. None of that helped me in the real world.
So I’m tired of being told I’m just lazy and not trying to change, if I could get s job that paid $50 an hour for 20 hours a week I would but what job pays that other then ceos or executives and they work 50+ hours a week.
All that’s in my power to change is my body weight and I’m doing that at great expense to me.
This, or it takes us 4 timas the ef effort r less than half the result.
I have agoraphobia. I can't go anywhere by myself without having panic attacks.
It will take years of hard work, therapy and meds to.overcome this problem, the average NT could go places alone since 15.
I'm very scared of driving. More than the average person. By the time I have The couage to even START trying to learn I could be 22.
Hardwork is relative. Its legitimately a challenge for.me to walk to a bus stop, catch one downtown, shop, catch one back.
People act like we're being lazy when if anything were trying our BEST, its just we're so severe our best isn't good enough.
Everyone here seems.higher functioning. They will never understand us lower functipning types.
Every teenager here has jobs and is studying at col and moges out at 18/19.
Most of the aspie.women here aren't Mich less successful than the average NT. They all graduated with degrees, got successful jobs, moved out, live alone, etc.
There are people with Autism.who will NEVER be able to do these things.
I hope I will someday but lpol at those more sever autistics who can't go to college. Who live with their parents at 40.
What can THEY do? Are they just destined to die alone?
That's not unfair, that's f*cking CRUELTY.
An entire 7 billion people and not one will accept them.
RetroGamer87
Veteran

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,134
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Most of the aspie.women here aren't Mich less successful than the average NT. They all graduated with degrees, got successful jobs, moved out, live alone, etc.
I will never be up to that level. Women can chose to date who they want but I feel like I will always be lesser because when I was 18/19 I didn't have a job and I didn't go to university.
What can THEY do? Are they just destined to die alone?
Maybe. But that brings to mind an interesting question. Do they have a right to a partner?
_________________
The days are long, but the years are short
Discussions like this as are a scapegoat. Instead of doing the work to figure out what one's assets are, and to improve them if one doesn't like what they see on the tally sheet, people try to blame it all on some standard held by other parties. Well, that is garbage. It is self-defeating.
Some people can’t change their situations. That’s how the world works. Be it me or some poor farmer in china who can’t escape the farm. Poor people tend to stay poor generation to generation othing changes for most. That poor Irish guys family were poor iirish immigrants.
I’m permanently disabled, I’ve been on disability since 15 I’ll be on it til I die so that means my income will always be about 1,000 a month. That can’t be changed. So I’ll keep being upset at women who won’t date me over something I can’t change. Be glad your son isn’t as disabled. But he hasn’t finished college yet which is where he’ll find out. I did very good in college. I was on the deans list and a honor student. None of that helped me in the real world.
So I’m tired of being told I’m just lazy and not trying to change, if I could get s job that paid $50 an hour for 20 hours a week I would but what job pays that other then ceos or executives and they work 50+ hours a week.
All that’s in my power to change is my body weight and I’m doing that at great expense to me.
This, or it takes us 4 timas the ef effort r less than half the result.
I have agoraphobia. I can't go anywhere by myself without having panic attacks.
It will take years of hard work, therapy and meds to.overcome this problem, the average NT could go places alone since 15.
I'm very scared of driving. More than the average person. By the time I have The couage to even START trying to learn I could be 22.
Hardwork is relative. Its legitimately a challenge for.me to walk to a bus stop, catch one downtown, shop, catch one back.
People act like we're being lazy when if anything were trying our BEST, its just we're so severe our best isn't good enough.
Everyone here seems.higher functioning. They will never understand us lower functipning types.
Every teenager here has jobs and is studying at col and moges out at 18/19.
Most of the aspie.women here aren't Mich less successful than the average NT. They all graduated with degrees, got successful jobs, moved out, live alone, etc.
There are people with Autism.who will NEVER be able to do these things.
I hope I will someday but lpol at those more sever autistics who can't go to college. Who live with their parents at 40.
What can THEY do? Are they just destined to die alone?
That's not unfair, that's f*cking CRUELTY.
An entire 7 billion people and not one will accept them.
You're preaching to the choir. You're on an aspergers message board, most of us have multiple health problems. I have BPD, which destroys my relationships with just about everyone, Severe anxiety and at one point OCD so bad I was afraid to breath due to fear of germs. Please don't assume the severity of other people's struggles and assume they don't put in just as much or more effort.
My health problems mean I am not as desirable as other women. Is it fair? NO, is life fair? NO. The difference is, I don't expect men to bend and accept me. How selfish is that?
Thanks.