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Too dangerous too be left with women!

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kraftiekortie
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11 Apr 2018, 7:04 am

The man in the bar (not pub) was probably just being a jerk, and perhaps was looking for a fight.

It was an obvious taunt at Jamesy.

I know those types.

Stay away from those places.



The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Apr 2018, 8:08 am

goldfish21 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Your questions always seem to warrant the most common-sense answers. Someone woth sexual desires and severe impulse control issues or an intellectual disability that prevents them from understanding consent should not be placed in situations where they may act inappropriately. Most on this forum and on the higher functioning end of the autism spectrum do not fall under this category

The man in the pub seemed to be suggesting Jamesy falls into that category. Shows how much he knows.

The trouble is, there are many types of "mental health problems", the majority of which don't make the sufferer a danger to women.

The fact that the man in the pub refers to " mental health problems" as though it's a single condition shows that he doesn't know what he's talking about.


Except that what the man in the pub knows is what his perception of Jamesy is, and while it might not exactly be pleasant to hear, it's valuable feedback for Jamesy as it can inform him that some people may perceive his presence, behaviour, demeanour, body language, facial expressions etc as "creepy," or as a sexual threat to women and knowing that can allow Jamesy to think about why the man in the pub gets that vibe from him, and in turn give him some things to think about improving if he can so that others don't get that impression from him.. so, there's that.


Or he was just a bully, did that even occur to you?



kraftiekortie
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11 Apr 2018, 8:38 am

The guy was probably a bully. Yes.



goldfish21
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11 Apr 2018, 12:17 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Your questions always seem to warrant the most common-sense answers. Someone woth sexual desires and severe impulse control issues or an intellectual disability that prevents them from understanding consent should not be placed in situations where they may act inappropriately. Most on this forum and on the higher functioning end of the autism spectrum do not fall under this category

The man in the pub seemed to be suggesting Jamesy falls into that category. Shows how much he knows.

The trouble is, there are many types of "mental health problems", the majority of which don't make the sufferer a danger to women.

The fact that the man in the pub refers to " mental health problems" as though it's a single condition shows that he doesn't know what he's talking about.


Except that what the man in the pub knows is what his perception of Jamesy is, and while it might not exactly be pleasant to hear, it's valuable feedback for Jamesy as it can inform him that some people may perceive his presence, behaviour, demeanour, body language, facial expressions etc as "creepy," or as a sexual threat to women and knowing that can allow Jamesy to think about why the man in the pub gets that vibe from him, and in turn give him some things to think about improving if he can so that others don't get that impression from him.. so, there's that.


Or he was just a bully, did that even occur to you?


It's possible. Jamesy has said he's had difficulty with women/dating etc. So it's also possible that there was some truth to that being the guy's actual opinion & he was voicing it honestly, and thus there may be value in his criticisms as I pointed out above.


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kraftiekortie
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11 Apr 2018, 12:27 pm

But how does the guy know all this? Unless he was Jamesy's friend. Or he's a frequent denizen of the bar, like Jamesy is.

People just don't do this----express these sorts of opinions to others in bars----unless they are good friends with that somebody, or just want to be a jerk. My money is on the latter.

Many times, these sorts of "judgments" lead to fights in bars.

Just because a guy has difficulty getting dates with women, or are awkward with woman-----doesn't mean he "shouldn't be left alone" with women.

The vast majority of guys who are "awkward" with women don't go on to become perverts.



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11 Apr 2018, 1:05 pm

Jamesy wrote:
When i was at the bar last friday this guy i met there said too me "some may think people with mental health problems like yourself should not be left alone with women"

Is there some truth too his remark?
He's trying to wind you up. Did he already know about the boxing?


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kraftiekortie
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11 Apr 2018, 1:27 pm

^^^ That's probably what occurred. He probably wanted to "wind" Jamesy up, perhaps provoke a fight. Or just make fun of Jamesy.

Is this guy a friend of yours, Jamesy----or just some guy in the bar whom you see frequently.

I would take the word of someone who used to be a bartender.



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11 Apr 2018, 2:30 pm

A bar is basically a jungle of animals: every male is trying to be alpha, and to secure as much 'women' as much he can - now some species in the jungles secrete substance in the female's vagina to prevent other male to copulate with her, and other species all f**k the same female and compete by sperm quality- men don't do that, so instead they do these lame cockblocking things.



goldfish21
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11 Apr 2018, 3:22 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
A bar is basically a jungle of animals: every male is trying to be alpha, and to secure as much 'women' as much he can - now some species in the jungles secrete substance in the female's vagina to prevent other male to copulate with her, and other species all f**k the same female and compete by sperm quality- men don't do that, so instead they do these lame cockblocking things.


Somehow I doubt this guy perceives Jamesy as a threat to him getting p**** that he needs to cockblock.


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12 Apr 2018, 8:36 am

Awkward shy guys rarely turn out to be dangerous to women. Meanwhile the actual sociopaths are quite good at being charming and passing for normal.

Yes you're right goldfish21, Jamesy may be off putting to women. How can he rectify that problem?


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kraftiekortie
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12 Apr 2018, 10:39 am

Not going to these sorts of bars would be a big help, IMHO.



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12 Apr 2018, 12:28 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Awkward shy guys rarely turn out to be dangerous to women. Meanwhile the actual sociopaths are quite good at being charming and passing for normal.

Yes you're right goldfish21, Jamesy may be off putting to women. How can he rectify that problem?


That depends on what his problems are. He may need the input of an actual friend to tell him. Once he's aware of the behaviours/appearance issues that others find off putting, then he can begin to figure out how to correct them. How? Depends on what they are. He might change his appearance, make an effort to change his posture or body language, make an effort to learn/improve various social skills via one of many methods. Entirely depends on what the problems actually are and what works to help him improve them.


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12 Apr 2018, 1:21 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Awkward shy guys rarely turn out to be dangerous to women. Meanwhile the actual sociopaths are quite good at being charming and passing for normal.

Yes you're right goldfish21, Jamesy may be off putting to women. How can he rectify that problem?


That depends on what his problems are. He may need the input of an actual friend to tell him. Once he's aware of the behaviours/appearance issues that others find off putting, then he can begin to figure out how to correct them. How? Depends on what they are. He might change his appearance, make an effort to change his posture or body language, make an effort to learn/improve various social skills via one of many methods. Entirely depends on what the problems actually are and what works to help him improve them.


Well I don't get the impression it was a friend who was telling him this...if it was his friend then it would be less likely to be bullying as they'd be trying to help not put him down. But I think in this case its more likely the person was putting him down by saying that not trying to help.


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kraftiekortie
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12 Apr 2018, 1:23 pm

The guy who was telling this to Jamesy probably was some bored guy with nothing better to do.



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12 Apr 2018, 1:24 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Awkward shy guys rarely turn out to be dangerous to women. Meanwhile the actual sociopaths are quite good at being charming and passing for normal.

Yes you're right goldfish21, Jamesy may be off putting to women. How can he rectify that problem?


That depends on what his problems are. He may need the input of an actual friend to tell him. Once he's aware of the behaviours/appearance issues that others find off putting, then he can begin to figure out how to correct them. How? Depends on what they are. He might change his appearance, make an effort to change his posture or body language, make an effort to learn/improve various social skills via one of many methods. Entirely depends on what the problems actually are and what works to help him improve them.


Well I don't get the impression it was a friend who was telling him this...if it was his friend then it would be less likely to be bullying as they'd be trying to help not put him down. But I think in this case its more likely the person was putting him down by saying that not trying to help.


You're probably right. But at the same time, even if the guy is an a-hole, that doesn't mean there isn't value in his feedback & criticism for Jamesy to learn & grow from. Sometimes it takes jerks willing to speak their minds to learn these things from whereas polite people and friends might not want to offend us. That's all I'm saying here.


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12 Apr 2018, 1:32 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Not going to these sorts of bars would be a big help, IMHO.


^This. I think Jamesy would benefit from having some other actives aside from 'the bar' and also maybe try going to a different bar. If he's been going there 4 years and mostly gets negative feedback chances are he's gotten a bad reputation regardless of why...sometimes it is easier and better to just start out fresh.


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