Late 20's to 30's: dating & romance

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Closet Genious
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15 Apr 2018, 12:14 am

As always, many women here give completely useless advice.

nick007
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15 Apr 2018, 12:15 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:

nick007 wrote:

I have physical & mental disabilities besides Aspergers & I've majorly struggled to find a relationship on & offline. Most women weren't willing to give me a half a chance due to my issues & my income & the few who may of been willing had communication issues with me because I'm too direct & straightforward for some NTs. I would of gone the mail-order bride route if I had the money & resources to do it. & if I had my own place, I would of looked for a girl who needed a place to stay. I was just wanting someone to give me a real chance & actually try to make a relationship work with me because I belived that most any women would love me if they really did because of how devoted, loving, caring, supportive, affectionate ect ect I am to my partner. I was also very willing to date women with issues/problems but even they wouldn't give me a chance. I got all 3 of my relationships on web forums. The 1st was when I was 20 & me & her were good online friends. I met my 2nd & current on here by making LOTS of post about what I was wanting, what I had to offer, & the way I was within a relationship. I made posts for years before they paid off thou. I got my current girlfriend when I was 29 & we moved in together after about 7 months. I moved from Louisiana to Vermont to be with her. I was very willing to relocate because I felt trapped where I lived & cared more about having someone to share my life with than I did about seeing my family regularly(I never had a close realtionship with them)

So you have a girlfriend for awhile, so what has changed? What happened? Like how it started.

While I don't value relationships from online world, I don't spend time on computers. I prefer go out in community and meet people in person. Learning communication and social skills are important being in reality. Text and that isnt good thing over screens. It misses a lot of body language and cues. It also impacts on ASD because of our inabilities to read them. So using devices that don't have access to reading body language will impact more.

She sent me a PM after read lots of my post here. She wasn't exactly wanting a realtionship but was open to the idea of having one with the rite kind of guy for her. She has lots of issues herself & likes the fact that I'm supportive(or at least try to be) & I understand her mental stuff better than others partly because I've been through mental issues myself & partly because I listen to her talk about things a lot.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Apr 2018, 12:18 am

Closet Genious wrote:

As always, many women here give completely useless advice.

Some things never change....

Sweetleaf
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15 Apr 2018, 12:29 am

Closet Genious wrote:

As always, many women here give completely useless advice.

The vast majority of comments in this thread have been made by males...

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The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Apr 2018, 12:31 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

Closet Genious wrote:

As always, many women here give completely useless advice.

The vast majority of comments in this thread have been made by males...

And these comments were useful.

BeaArthur’s advice was useful and very realistic too.

Ecomatt91
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15 Apr 2018, 5:56 am

nick007 wrote:

Ecomatt91 wrote:

nick007 wrote:

Oh wow lucky you. I met plenty aspie girls both online, but more in person in groups here in my city, unfortunately they are all taken. I find it strange thing many female aspies are mostly taken while the ones who are single are lesbians.

It not fair to me.

Sweetleaf
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15 Apr 2018, 10:06 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

Closet Genious wrote:

As always, many women here give completely useless advice.

The vast majority of comments in this thread have been made by males...

And these comments were useful.

BeaArthur’s advice was useful and very realistic too.

So where is all the completely useless advice coming from women in this thread than?

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TheSpectrum
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18 Apr 2018, 11:51 am

fifasy wrote:

TheSpectrum wrote:

*original quote on page 2*

Who do you think you are? Paddy McGuinnesa? Wind your neck in.

Why, yes. Yes I do.
And what if I don't?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Apr 2018, 5:13 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

Closet Genious wrote:

As always, many women here give completely useless advice.

The vast majority of comments in this thread have been made by males...

And these comments were useful.

BeaArthur’s advice was useful and very realistic too.

So where is all the completely useless advice coming from women in this thread than?

From you ....you are the main source.

Chronos
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19 Apr 2018, 6:39 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Chronos wrote:

Ecomatt91 wrote:

Closet Genious wrote:

Ecomatt91 wrote:

Why ask such an inappropriate question in such offtopic agenda in this thread. I am asking for people experiences. Not for personal income. This is no such thing about relationships.

Okay, that's a good enough answer. It couldn't be less off topic though.
You are naive, so you will probably have a hard time getting a girlfriend.

Excuse me?! Don't call me naive. Romance got nothing to do with money. I look after myself very well thank you very much. With this obnoxious attitudes on money and physical looks is a great way to have divorce and lack of empathy in abusive relationships.

I am not into money and looks.

Don't mind them. There is a subset of men here who likecto attribute their lack of success in the dating world to external factors such as lack of super model looks and lack of millionaire income rather than social delays, ineptitude, or bad luck.

Listen to gradma:

She's not my grandma. My grandma went to high school with rich kids but married a broke 19 year old.

Perhaps some men here do need some external self improvement but the first and foremost problem with dating that most people on the spectrum have is the fact that they are on the spectrum. They have poor or underdeveloped interpersonal skills, they have processing difficulties, they are mind blind or face blind, they are out of step with social dynsmics, and other ASD related things.

Improving looks or economic status may increase their odds of finding someone, but I think for a lot of men on the spectrum, they need more internal improvement with social skills than external improvement.

Aspie1
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29 Apr 2018, 10:43 am

Here's something nobody mentioned yet: relationships in late 20's thru 30's are boring! That's because at this age, women develop baby rabies, and men turn into snooty emotional grandpas. And both genders start to view single men---but not single women!---as immature losers. You can no longer have fun with your girlfriend. You can only do things like quiet evenings at home. Also snooty dinner parties with other couples, where you put on a blatant dog-and-pony show about "how much you love each other", and mock single men as a bonus. Nothing else is acceptable. The women won't stand for anything else, and the men are afraid to ask, lest they look "immature".

Of course, you can find like-minded social groups---even NT ones---who will treat single men with respect. They might not hold you in highest regard, but at least they'll treat you as an equal and accept you for who you are, quirks and all, provided that you follow the Golden Rule and not act too weird. As opposed to passive-aggressive hostility toward you for being single, like treating you like a ghost at group hangouts. Nearly all such groups are strictly platonic in nature. You can exchange hugs and dance with the women, but that'll be the uppermost limit of it.

My advice to you: if you haven't dated much in your young years, don't bother trying to catch up. See an escort for sex, if you're so inclined, and forget about romance. Any relationships you find in late 20's thru 30's will be so boring and unpleasant, you'll curse the day you were born. Lucky for me, I didn't learn that first-hand. I learned vicariously, by observing my friends' relationships over the last two years. And I vowed to keep all women at arm's length.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 29 Apr 2018, 10:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

BeaArthur
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29 Apr 2018, 10:52 am

I disagree with just about everything that Aspie1 said. Just wanted to go on the record to say that.

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Canary
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29 Apr 2018, 1:57 pm

I have a lot of trouble feeling connected to people I meet online. Things feel very impersonal, vague, and distant. Just doesn't feel worth the struggle, and I haven't been able to "just bump into" anyone.

It bothers me, but I don't want to let one aspect of my life ruin the rest of my life. I think people have a pretty good chance of getting what they want if they're determined, although it may take a long time for some.

Ecomatt91
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29 Apr 2018, 5:37 pm

BeaArthur wrote:

I disagree with just about everything that Aspie1 said. Just wanted to go on the record to say that.

Aspie1 appears too biased and negative on this. Yes I disagreed as well. This is very common advice I get from my networks (not online) saying I should see an escort and do things that doesn't taken seriously.

I LOVE to have dinner parties with my future girlfriend/wife with couples or friends no matter who invited. I prefer socialing in an easy context rather than big groups. More like 4-6 people. It hard to navigate at same time with hearing loss.

Ecomatt91
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29 Apr 2018, 5:43 pm

Canary wrote:

I wouldn't rely on life from being online. I don't take it seriously. I used to but now I take reality more. I organise events with friends to hang out and sometime they ask me. I went on half day hike over the weekend. I felt more connecting with the person than anyone from online. I feel better personally hearing voices, seeing their body language no matter if I can't read them and senses. Being online its blank and feeling empty. We do talk online as well but mostly small conversations. In person, its much longer and that where feeling connections from.

I like your second paragraph stating about time and determination. I am glad you mentioned that, but many NTs are not like this. They keep going with their lives illogically. That where problems continues. Many women in their 20's are mostly inconsistent and still have 'young attitudes' when comes to dating. They aren't logical enough to make proper decisions because they repeat mistakes that makes them being hurt. I find it so obvious and weird observing women in my networks going through dramas while I already know I would never treat women like that.

I wonder its our education system or our parents to blame? Or it emerging technology and media influence creating dramas, and they mirror with them?

BeaArthur
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29 Apr 2018, 6:14 pm

Ecomatt91 wrote:

I LOVE to have dinner parties with my future girlfriend/wife with couples or friends no matter who invited. I prefer socialing in an easy context rather than big groups. More like 4-6 people. It hard to navigate at same time with hearing loss.

Well, here you go then! Host some small dinner parties with people in your professional circle. If invited reciprocally, just mention that you find small groups easier with your hearing loss and decline any parties bigger than that.

Forget about online dating sites. Just work on good relationships in your own circle, and eventually you will become known as a good host. You might also let your friends know you are interested in a relationship and ask if they know anyone. While being "set up" on a blind date has its drawbacks, sometimes meeting people through friends gives you an automatic boost in acceptability.

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