The kind of women I am deemed compatible to be with

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Agree that there’s nothing wrong with the minimalist lifestyle. I’m married, have children, and live in a small 3-bedroom double-wide in a low-income neighborhood. We watch every penny. When we take big trips, it’s usually someone else who pays for it. Job-related conferences. So...no, I’m not wasting money, but it’s the closest we get to having family vacations.

We eat out once a month and invite friends to come with us when we can afford it. We’re poor, not stingy.

We try to be generous with the little we have and be nice to people. We have a lot of wealthy friends who give us garbage bags full of clothes for our kids when their own children outgrow them. We keep what fits our kids, pass too small clothes to our friends, and whatever we can’t find a home for goes to charity. We COULD realistically keep our kids in decent clothes with our income. It’s just that people keep giving us stuff. So having good friends who are nice to us leaves us a little bit more margin in our lives. In return, we make every effort to be nice to these people and do good things for others so that they don’t feel their generosity is wasted on us.

There are more ways than one to make a living, and money + big home is not everything.

The down side is our every day existence is a struggle. We have adapted to it. We don’t have a lot of freedom. We both work for non-profits. So we aren’t taking low salaries because our employers are too cheap to pay us. We have low income because our employers simply DO NOT HAVE the money to do better. We used to feel ashamed for living on handouts. But over time we realized that we were living on handouts because nobody else would do the work we do. People WANT to see us where we are, so they make up the difference.

Not many people WANT to live this way. We don’t have the luxury of just packing up and leaving whenever we want. If I skip work, like if I don’t go to church on Sunday morning, it’s because I’m volunteering at another church on the other side of the state and need to allow time to travel. We don’t stay in hotels. We call mom and ask if it’s ok to visit overnight. If I’m out during my day job, it’s because I’m playing piano for someone’s funeral. I don’t even skip work if my kids are sick. We very carefully plan ahead and our higher-ups know every little move we make.

When you have a “job-job” that pays well, you can take personal and sick days. When I cut work for any reason, my pay gets docked. When you make a mistake, you get charged late fees. When we make mistakes, utilities get shut off. When your stuff gets broken, you can trash it and buy new. When our stuff breaks, we have to fix it or do without. Every year we have to wait until we have enough money saved to repair our lawn mower, which means every spring and summer our yard is overgrown. Same thing with heating/cooling. So we quit repairing our A/C. You have any idea how hot it gets in Mississippi? So we chose simply to adapt. Saved a fortune on electricity, too.

Poor people work harder just to stay alive. To keep pace with our wealthy friends, we sacrifice a lot.

Maybe you can get comfortable living this way. But why impose that kind of living on someone? Why clip someone’s wings that way? We are where we are because we were victims of circumstance. This is NOT a snapshot of the rest of our lives. If you both choose this life, that’s fine. But people tend not to choose to live this way if they see no end in sight, or see no options. Most people look at it as a sort of prison. They accept poverty because they see no other choice. A woman will be more willing to do what you have in mind if she doesn’t feel that’s all there is. You do better if you have more freedom to offer than that.

Porn only provides temporary relief for me and I am not interested in prostitutes because I want a relationship. I also live in a Bible Belt city and most of the prostitution in my area is confined to the ghetto so no thanks.

There’s nothing wrong with Sly’s looks.

He’s not “ugly.”

He could do better. Let's be real

Anybody could "do better."

There's always someone who is "better looking" than you.

Sly's main problem is his lack of income. Not his looks.

I'd agree, but I'd say both have a role

Sly is a man with good intellect.

And he's well-read in certain things.

I feel like should he get rid of the excess baggage from his mind, that he'll find love.

I've been told that my eyes are attractive and my face still looks young in spite of my receding hairline.

I feel like I should take the advice of the forum poster to wait until I am 30 to kill myself.

How will my thinking magically change how women deem men worthy?
Or will it magically make me rich?

I stayed up until almost 4:00 thinking about how I'll probably never find my dream girlfriend and my thought patterns are permanently stuck.

What can you do to make yourself more appealing to your dream girlfriend?

Don't do this. I try not to have dark thoughts or worry after 10 at night and then I go to bed about 11. It takes practice but I've gotten better over the years and this rule does really help me. Everything is worse at night, everything is impossible and pointless. Tell yourself you can worry about it in the morning.

Self confidence and positive thinking are things women (of all neurotypes) value in men. There doesn't need to be a socially competent, rich or professionally successful man behind it.

Just look at rednecks. They are generally dirt poor and lacking in social graces but their culture has low standards to begin with and the women are on the same socio-economic level as the men are.