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What's the point for Aspie men to date?

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ezbzbfcg2
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23 Jun 2018, 8:24 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Autism is a spectrum. And although different to NTs, I probably have more in common with them than most of the males on this forum, with the exception of “call me maybe” Face of boo and retro gamer. Dating an illness really is a recipe for disaster. Don’t use that as an excuse about why aspie women should date you. Don’t be that guy.

I’ve met only a handful of people on this forum I can relate to over the past 14 years. You really can’t compare Alex, the guy who founded this site, and the nutter on here who likes to touch dog penises.


This quote by hale_bopp, particularly the part I underlined, inadvertently gives credence to the OP's argument.

Yes, OP, Aspie women who date typically prefer NT men, no question. Women of any neurotype "date up." The odds are indeed stacked against aspie males at ever having a successful relationship with a woman. There are exceptions to every rule, but your initial premise may very well be correct. That doesn't mean it can't happen, nor should you discredit the advice of others to keep trying. But you're not off base with your statistics. Sad as it is to some degree, maybe acceptance is the first step to coping. It's hard when everyone keeps telling you it's all in your head, but this is very much reality for us.



TheSpectrum
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23 Jun 2018, 8:35 am

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Autism is a spectrum. And although different to NTs, I probably have more in common with them than most of the males on this forum, with the exception of “call me maybe” Face of boo and retro gamer. Dating an illness really is a recipe for disaster. Don’t use that as an excuse about why aspie women should date you. Don’t be that guy.

I’ve met only a handful of people on this forum I can relate to over the past 14 years. You really can’t compare Alex, the guy who founded this site, and the nutter on here who likes to touch dog penises.


This quote by hale_bopp, particularly the part I underlined, inadvertently gives credence to the OP's argument.

Yes, OP, Aspie women who date typically prefer NT men, no question. Women of any neurotype "date up." The odds are indeed stacked against aspie males as ever having a successful relationship with a woman. There are exceptions to every rule, but your initial premise may very well be correct. That doesn't mean it can't happen, nor should you discredit the advice of others to keep trying. But you're not off base with your statistics. Sad as it is to some degree, maybe acceptance is the first step to coping. It's hard when everyone keeps telling you it's all in your head, but this is very much reality for us.

I'd like to think most people who want to "get more" for themselves would prefer to date an NT person. Those who think it will be easier to date someone "lesser" might go for someone on the spectrum especially if they themselves are on it, too. Take that at face value if you will. I wouldn't say that it necessarily means the odds are stacked against us. There are many here who like to brag about the notches on their belt. They certainly aren't struggling because of ASD. Equally, that doesn't invalidate the OP's sentiments that Autism creates difficulties for some. It does. It's just not the sole determining factor.


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ezbzbfcg2
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23 Jun 2018, 8:58 am

TheSpectrum wrote:
I'd like to think most people who want to "get more" for themselves would prefer to date an NT person.

Yes, that's what "dating up" means, which I mentioned.

TheSpectrum wrote:
Those who think it will be easier to date someone "lesser" might go for someone on the spectrum especially if they themselves are on it, too. Take that at face value if you will.

I think that's what the OP tried as well, yes.

TheSpectrum wrote:
I wouldn't say that it necessarily means the odds are stacked against us. There are many here who like to brag about the notches on their belt. They certainly aren't struggling because of ASD. Equally, that doesn't invalidate the OP's sentiments that Autism creates difficulties for some. It does. It's just not the sole determining factor.

But oftentimes, it's the prime factor. I commend the OP for his honesty.



TheSpectrum
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23 Jun 2018, 9:01 am

Then it begs the question, would many who feel they cannot date because of Autism have benefited from a late diagnosis?

And yes, the OP is being rather honest about their circumstances. It's a good step forward.


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sorrowfairiewhisper
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23 Jun 2018, 9:07 am

Everyone deserves love and even the most severe of people in terms of disabilities, understand and know what love is in there hearts.



sly279
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23 Jun 2018, 12:58 pm

nick007 wrote:
There's more than a few Aspie women on these forums who do NOT want to date Aspie men because of the sexist & hateful attitudes of some Aspie men on these forums. It's like all us Aspies get judged badly because of a few bad apples. Weather's an Aspie male who has no luck with Aspie women because Aspie women are comparing him to hateful Aspie guys or if it's an Aspie male complaining about all women including Aspie 1s. It's a very sad shame that both sides cant get along better & work together to find solutions to our loneliness.

Only ones I saw say they won’t wasnt for those reasons but for same reasons a lot of nt women won’t date aspie men. They want a normal social guy with his life together. They say we too distant and lack empathy etc, but thy probably are that way. But whatever



sly279
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23 Jun 2018, 1:03 pm

sorrowfairiewhisper wrote:
Everyone deserves love and even the most severe of people in terms of disabilities, understand and know what love is in there hearts.

I feel the real wording is all women deserve love, men have to earn love to be worthy of it. I’m considered worthless and unlovable by most women, those who don’t are married/coupled and probably lying to be nice.

Mean when I see a woman complain like me or other men, they told you deserve love, you’re great just the way you are, when men complain it’s you need to work out, you need to get a better job, etc, message is clear women by default deserve love regardless of their situation or looks, men don’t deserve love unless they offer stuff and earne it.



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23 Jun 2018, 1:28 pm

The point for anyone I guess is to experience the freedom and happiness of connection and attraction. I'm neurotypical but I have instinctively found those I know with Aspergers to be inherently more straightforward, interesting, candid, and intelligent than others of "my type" and therefore capable of holding higher quality conversations in my view.

The difficulty would probably be around the mystical arena of flirtation. You guys master your own personal flirtation style, and :jester: :heart: all bets are off. :heart: :jester:

It is possible to find that connection For rarer types of humans it may take longer but is still worth it.



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23 Jun 2018, 1:44 pm

*and by the way one of my ambitions on here is to develop a logical NT breakdown of flirting to demystify it and make it fun and easy!! !



hale_bopp
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23 Jun 2018, 7:25 pm

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Autism is a spectrum. And although different to NTs, I probably have more in common with them than most of the males on this forum, with the exception of “call me maybe” Face of boo and retro gamer. Dating an illness really is a recipe for disaster. Don’t use that as an excuse about why aspie women should date you. Don’t be that guy.

I’ve met only a handful of people on this forum I can relate to over the past 14 years. You really can’t compare Alex, the guy who founded this site, and the nutter on here who likes to touch dog penises.


This quote by hale_bopp, particularly the part I underlined, inadvertently gives credence to the OP's argument.

Yes, OP, Aspie women who date typically prefer NT men, no question. Women of any neurotype "date up." The odds are indeed stacked against aspie males at ever having a successful relationship with a woman. There are exceptions to every rule, but your initial premise may very well be correct. That doesn't mean it can't happen, nor should you discredit the advice of others to keep trying. But you're not off base with your statistics. Sad as it is to some degree, maybe acceptance is the first step to coping. It's hard when everyone keeps telling you it's all in your head, but this is very much reality for us.


Um, I’ve never dated “up” in my life, but maybe I should, considering the abuse I have been put through.

If dating up means not dating people who like to touch dog penises, then yes, I guess I do.

I work hard, look after myself, self reflect on a daily basis, saved for years so I could buy an apartment, Am trying to better myself on a daily basis, am I still trying to date “up” for wanting someone with a similar life outlook to myself?

I simply want an equal. Some of the aspie guys here are very datable. NTs aren’t always “better” than aspies.

When I said “guys on this forum” I meant the love and dating forum. I don’t have enough evidence to support that statement for the whole site.



rick42
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23 Jun 2018, 10:24 pm

Mlleenoch wrote:
The point for anyone I guess is to experience the freedom and happiness of connection and attraction. I'm neurotypical but I have instinctively found those I know with Aspergers to be inherently more straightforward, interesting, candid, and intelligent than others of "my type" and therefore capable of holding higher quality conversations in my view.

The difficulty would probably be around the mystical arena of flirtation. You guys master your own personal flirtation style, and :jester: :heart: all bets are off. :heart: :jester:

It is possible to find that connection For rarer types of humans it may take longer but is still worth it.



Sound like you could be pretending to like Aspie men while not actually liking them.This what NT females do to Aspie men all the time. From my experience, NT women would pretend to be nice towards Aspie men without actually meaning it, because NT women believe that Aspie men are stupid. It's extremely hard for a Aspie male/NT female relationship to actually workout because we are so different, and we have nothing in common with each other,not to mention that NT women hate Aspie men anyway.



hale_bopp
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23 Jun 2018, 11:58 pm

Man you make some dumb assumptions. Tell that to my aspie dad and NT mum.

Or all the aspie males I know who seem to do fine dating.

Tip: don’t assume your experiences apply to anyone other than yourself.

There are plenty of very unappealing aspie men. There are a lot of very unappealing NT men as well. On the contrary, there are a lot of lovely men in both parties.

The guys I consider dateable here seem to have had less issues finding a girlfriend, or post about their girlfriends or previous relationships, so it can’t just be exclusive to me.

Noone finds defeatism, whining, blaming other people or making strange generalisations attractive, in friendships or relationships, something that I learned the hard way.

The people here who struggle do all of those things on a regular basis. Things that contribute to self progression are responsibility, gratefulness, self reflection and action.

Missing any of those? Thought so.



sly279
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24 Jun 2018, 2:07 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Man you make some dumb assumptions. Tell that to my aspie dad and NT mum.

Or all the aspie males I know who seem to do fine dating.

Tip: don’t assume your experiences apply to anyone other than yourself.

There are plenty of very unappealing aspie men. There are a lot of very unappealing NT men as well. On the contrary, there are a lot of lovely men in both parties.

The guys I consider dateable here seem to have had less issues finding a girlfriend, or post about their girlfriends or previous relationships, so it can’t just be exclusive to me.

Noone finds defeatism, whining, blaming other people or making strange generalisations attractive, in friendships or relationships, something that I learned the hard way.

The people here who struggle do all of those things on a regular basis. Things that contribute to self progression are responsibility, gratefulness, self reflection and action.

Missing any of those? Thought so.


Take it you don’t consider me datable.
Fake happiness in the face of crap isn’t attractive either.
Hard to be positive when you get nothing but c**p given to you no matter what you do.
Sorry but if I had positivity like some here do I’d be insane by definition.
At some point you have to just accept defeat. Otherwise you fight s pointless war that only hurts everyone more, same is true for normal life. What good comes from make believing I’m great and tons of women will date and love me just how I am?
It’s not real, that’s not how the world works. Atleast not in western society.



Mantis
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24 Jun 2018, 2:14 am

hale_bopp wrote:

Noone finds defeatism, whining, blaming other people or making strange generalisations attractive, in friendships or relationships, something that I learned the hard way.

The people here who struggle do all of those things on a regular basis. Things that contribute to self progression are responsibility, gratefulness, self reflection and action.

Missing any of those? Thought so.


Sounds like you are making some assumptions yourself.



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24 Jun 2018, 2:33 am

sly279 wrote:
What good comes from make believing I’m great and tons of women will date and love me just how I am?
It’s not real, that’s not how the world works. Atleast not in western society.

There can actually be good/benefit that comes from unrealistic optimism. I'm personally not a fan of it though.
Alternatively, you could believe you are great because you are, in your own opinion. Forget what society expects or what other people tell you. Do you think you are great? If so, believe it. And feel happy about it. If not, work on becoming great. Again, in your own eyes, not anyone else's - forget that crap. Work on fixing things that YOU see as making you a better version of yourself.



sly279
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24 Jun 2018, 4:13 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
sly279 wrote:
What good comes from make believing I’m great and tons of women will date and love me just how I am?
It’s not real, that’s not how the world works. Atleast not in western society.

There can actually be good/benefit that comes from unrealistic optimism. I'm personally not a fan of it though.
Alternatively, you could believe you are great because you are, in your own opinion. Forget what society expects or what other people tell you. Do you think you are great? If so, believe it. And feel happy about it. If not, work on becoming great. Again, in your own eyes, not anyone else's - forget that crap. Work on fixing things that YOU see as making you a better version of yourself.

Such people get blindsided because they always think it’ll be good and when bad stuff happens they didn’t plan for it.

My opinion doesn’t matter, women won’t use my opinion when can considering to date me or not.
I can’t become great. I can’t work more then part time. That’s reality and in reality that means I can never be a real man. Which makes me unloveable.

All I want is be be loved and have a relationship. I’m not one for meterisl desires or seeking knowledge or happiness through activities.