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Women That Like to Play the Field

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Fnord
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09 Aug 2018, 9:24 am

rdos wrote:
Fnord wrote:
rdos wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I agree with your notion of crushes...but I feel like the crushed should be acted upon, rather than being allowed to fester for months.
It just seems like the problem with acting on a crush is that it disappears so much quicker then. The most long-lasting crushes (up to three years in my experience) are those with no real interaction like dating, hanging out or discussions. I've also seen people with strong infatuations hanging-out, and they will typically look like an ordinary couple that's been together for ages already after half-a-year or so. Which means that if people want to enjoy things more, they need to be more patient and not act on it too quickly.
Your conclusion does not follow from the conditions you stated.
Can you be more specific?
First, what are these 'things' that you think people enjoy, and why do you think they should enjoy them?



TwilightPrincess
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09 Aug 2018, 9:33 am

I personally have found that having a crush is a miserable place to be in, especially if it’s a long term crush. If I want to be with someone, I’d rather be with him than daydreaming about the doubtful possibility we’ll end up together.


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Luhluhluh
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09 Aug 2018, 10:00 am

rdos wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I agree with your notion of crushes...but I feel like the crushed should be acted upon, rather than being allowed to fester for months.


It just seems like the problem with acting on a crush is that it disappears so much quicker then. The most long-lasting crushes (up to three years in my experience) are those with no real interaction like dating, hanging out or discussions. I've also seen people with strong infatuations hanging-out, and they will typically look like an ordinary couple that's been together for ages already after half-a-year or so. Which means that if people want to enjoy things more, they need to be more patient and not act on it too quickly.


To me, that sounds like what you're saying is you lost interest once you got to know the person.


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Fnord
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09 Aug 2018, 10:03 am

Crushes suck. It's better to know for certain whether or not someone likes you, than to live in uncertainty about your worthiness to them.



rdos
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09 Aug 2018, 10:15 am

Luhluhluh wrote:
To me, that sounds like what you're saying is you lost interest once you got to know the person.


Not interest, but passion. Passion is an important thing to me.



rdos
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09 Aug 2018, 10:20 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
I personally have found that having a crush is a miserable place to be in, especially if it’s a long term crush. If I want to be with someone, I’d rather be with him than daydreaming about the doubtful possibility we’ll end up together.


Being with somebody could be rather boring, especially when it's something long-term. When you lose the passion aspect, it becomes more like a friendship, and that is not even remotely as exciting as passionate love.

There is also the bonding aspect to it. Many NDs will bond with obsessive thoughts, and when they date or get into a relationship, the bonding phase ends with the (potential) infatuation. Thus, not having "the fun part" means they get weaker attachments.



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09 Aug 2018, 10:25 am

rdos wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
To me, that sounds like what you're saying is you lost interest once you got to know the person.


Not interest, but passion. Passion is an important thing to me.


That sounds like a lonely existence for the other person in this equation.


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TwilightPrincess
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09 Aug 2018, 10:42 am

rdos wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
I personally have found that having a crush is a miserable place to be in, especially if it’s a long term crush. If I want to be with someone, I’d rather be with him than daydreaming about the doubtful possibility we’ll end up together.


Being with somebody could be rather boring, especially when it's something long-term. When you lose the passion aspect, it becomes more like a friendship, and that is not even remotely as exciting as passionate love.

There is also the bonding aspect to it. Many NDs will bond with obsessive thoughts, and when they date or get into a relationship, the bonding phase ends with the (potential) infatuation. Thus, not having "the fun part" means they get weaker attachments.


I think the friendship aspect is the best part of a committed relationship. It’s not in the least bit boring to me. Friendship in a relationship, I’d imagine, would make passionate moments that much more intimate.


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09 Aug 2018, 10:43 am

If there's no friendship, there's only fleeting passion. Without friendship, the passion just goes by the wayside.



Fnord
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09 Aug 2018, 10:51 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
rdos wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
I personally have found that having a crush is a miserable place to be in, especially if it’s a long term crush. If I want to be with someone, I’d rather be with him than daydreaming about the doubtful possibility we’ll end up together.
Being with somebody could be rather boring, especially when it's something long-term. When you lose the passion aspect, it becomes more like a friendship, and that is not even remotely as exciting as passionate love. There is also the bonding aspect to it. Many NDs will bond with obsessive thoughts, and when they date or get into a relationship, the bonding phase ends with the (potential) infatuation. Thus, not having "the fun part" means they get weaker attachments.
I think the friendship aspect is the best part of a committed relationship. It’s not in the least bit boring to me. Friendship in a relationship, I’d imagine, would make passionate moments that much more intimate.
It's possible to have love without sex, and sex without love; but the best is when you have both at the same time!



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09 Aug 2018, 11:04 am

rdos wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
To me, that sounds like what you're saying is you lost interest once you got to know the person.


Not interest, but passion. Passion is an important thing to me.

You sound like a Sith. :lol:

How did it work with your wife? Did getting to know her make you lose your passion?



Gallia
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09 Aug 2018, 2:26 pm

rdos wrote:
Dating is more like a business transaction. What can I offer? What can you offer? Can we get along? I don't see a relationship as a business transaction, so I would never do dating. That's probably also why people think they need the exclusive talk. They simply are sealing the deal (business transaction).

For me, love is about passion and a crush. If a crush is not exclusive with me or doesn't reciprocate, I'll work on getting rid of any feelings I have ASAP. When I've obsessed a while about my crush, I have a strong attachment to her, and that makes me exclusive. I don't have to agree to be exclusive.


i relate to this very much, but it often ends up one sided or one doesn't have the courage to ask the other out etc etc i hate dating because it feels forced and like there is an assessment period. You put it nicely tho, a business transaction. esp with online dating. I prefer things to happen spontaneously but... it seems no one these days asks anyone out in real life anymore. it's "safer" to date.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Aug 2018, 2:37 pm

Peacesells wrote:
rdos wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
To me, that sounds like what you're saying is you lost interest once you got to know the person.


Not interest, but passion. Passion is an important thing to me.

You sound like a Sith. :lol:

How did it work with your wife? Did getting to know her make you lose your passion?


Image



rdos
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09 Aug 2018, 2:44 pm

Luhluhluh wrote:
rdos wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
To me, that sounds like what you're saying is you lost interest once you got to know the person.


Not interest, but passion. Passion is an important thing to me.


That sounds like a lonely existence for the other person in this equation.


Why? The other person might think the same, and then you have a perfect setup.



rdos
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09 Aug 2018, 2:47 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
rdos wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
I personally have found that having a crush is a miserable place to be in, especially if it’s a long term crush. If I want to be with someone, I’d rather be with him than daydreaming about the doubtful possibility we’ll end up together.


Being with somebody could be rather boring, especially when it's something long-term. When you lose the passion aspect, it becomes more like a friendship, and that is not even remotely as exciting as passionate love.

There is also the bonding aspect to it. Many NDs will bond with obsessive thoughts, and when they date or get into a relationship, the bonding phase ends with the (potential) infatuation. Thus, not having "the fun part" means they get weaker attachments.


I think the friendship aspect is the best part of a committed relationship. It’s not in the least bit boring to me. Friendship in a relationship, I’d imagine, would make passionate moments that much more intimate.


Nothing wrong with a friendship, but if there is only friendship and no passion then it is not real love IMHO. Then, of course, passion and friendship can be combined and they will be too once you get into a more regular relationship.



TwilightPrincess
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09 Aug 2018, 2:51 pm

rdos wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
rdos wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
I personally have found that having a crush is a miserable place to be in, especially if it’s a long term crush. If I want to be with someone, I’d rather be with him than daydreaming about the doubtful possibility we’ll end up together.


Being with somebody could be rather boring, especially when it's something long-term. When you lose the passion aspect, it becomes more like a friendship, and that is not even remotely as exciting as passionate love.

There is also the bonding aspect to it. Many NDs will bond with obsessive thoughts, and when they date or get into a relationship, the bonding phase ends with the (potential) infatuation. Thus, not having "the fun part" means they get weaker attachments.


I think the friendship aspect is the best part of a committed relationship. It’s not in the least bit boring to me. Friendship in a relationship, I’d imagine, would make passionate moments that much more intimate.


Nothing wrong with a friendship, but if there is only friendship and no passion then it is not real love IMHO. Then, of course, passion and friendship can be combined and they will be too once you get into a more regular relationship.


I have been in long term, committed relationships.


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